Friend wants me to trust her, but I'm having a hard time doing so

Discussion in 'Advice Board' started by friend358, Jul 23, 2010.

  1. friend358

    friend358 Registered Member

    In 2008, my friend completely quit talking to me; no reason, no explanation, NOTHING. I knew she was going through an EXTREMELY hard time, and that she was going to Thailand to stay with some family friends for a month... But she didn't say bye, she didn't tell me if I had done anything or offered no explanation. I didn't even know if she was ok or alive. After many months, I went to see her mom at work, and asked how my friend was doing. Even her mom said they hardly heard from her. I saw my friend's other friends and even they said they hadn't heard from her.

    A year and a half went by, & I decided to send flowers (for her birthday) to her boyfriend's condo (where she was staying)... Something in my heart just told me this would be the time to do it. I left my number (because she had gotten a new phone within the year and a half), & I told her I hoped she was doing well and asked if we could start over (although I didn't know what had happened) and for the first time, in a year and a half, she contacted me, said she missed me and would love to catch up. She told me she wanted to see me I was so thoughtful to send the flowers and that she was no longer with her bf but he was nice enough to text her what my card said. She initiated a meeting, and she apologized many times for ever hurting me & said she was "in a very dark place" &that she disconnected from everyone. This was in March when we reconnected. It was as if nothing had changed. We have been very close, kept in contact every day at first, & have spent as much time together as possible.

    Here we are almost 5 months after we reconnect, & I feel like she is withdrawing again. She assures me that she doesn't want me to think she doesn't have time or care, but lately, from her actions, I can't help but feel she doesn't have time or care. I understand she has a pretty tough job with long hours. She will sometimes act very clingy to me, and other times, I feel like she doesn't have concern to give me the time of day, but she has always come around within a couple days. She is very stoic and emotionally unavailable at times. Sometimes, she's scared to really talk about her feelings. I worry if she will do this to me again. Is it too much to ask that she return a text or say she's busy or say SOMETHING after 2 days of me waiting for a reply? She's never just NOT responded in two days. I mean, couldn't she say something after she got off work to let me know she wasn't ignoring me? Honestly, how am I supposed to know she's not, after what happened, just because she tells me I can trust her? I just don't understand. I feel like I have a right to be a little paranoid because of what happened in the past. I feel like she should be willing to take more initiative to let me know that I can still trust her. Am I being too sensitive?
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    I can think of many reasons why she couldn't get back to me, but on the other hand, I just wonder why she can't see that I may feel ignored. If a friend texted me, I think I would be able to say something... What should I do, if anything?
     
    Last edited: Jul 23, 2010

  2. Bliss

    Bliss Sally Twit

    People do get busy and sometimes forget to reply to text messages. I am terrible for it. Sometimes I'll go through my phone and see a message I had completely forgotten about. I'll reply and explain that but it definitely happens.
    I know you're worried she will do what she did before but if you believe in second chances then you have to see this one through. Speak to her about your concerns - make her remember how much you care. Maybe she is ignoring you but also she might just be busy.
    Hopefully her time spent 'disconnecting' from people actually made her realise who and what was important.
     

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