For the Sake of the Children

Boredie

In need of Entertainment
#1
How far would you go to stay in a relationship for the sake of the children?
At what point does your own personal outlook on the relationship take precedence over the children?
Do the children even matter once a couple feels they want to divorce?
 

Dali

Registered Member
#2
Well I don't have any personnel experience as in I don't have any children of my own yet but I don't think that parents should ever stay together for the sake of the children because if it is a unhappy relationship between both the parents it will effect the kids just as much as if they were to divorce/split up. Children need a happy, balanced home life and if they witness their parents fighting I think that will damage them in the long run. They may grow up and base their own relationships on how their parents interacted. Divorce is always bad for children but if they have a better quality of life when both the parents live separately I feel that would be more beneficial to them BUT only if the parents don't use the kids as weapons, I have witnessed this myself and it's a terrible thing. Children need to be protected, it isn't their fault if their Mum and Dad don't get along the kids need to know that and parents have to be responsible.
 
#3
I would hopefully never stay with someone for the sake of children, more times that not - it really doesn't do them any favours. Of course the kids matter, and whilst going through a divorce between the parents they should be made to feel as 'normal' and comfortable as possible. It's about finding a happy and balanced lifestyle to bring them up in, and you can't expect that if you, as a parent, are incredibly unhappy.
I can see reasons for doing it, but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't. Not that I have any experience whatsoever.
 

Bananas

Endangered Species
#4
As Bex says; never.

I cant see the benefit in following a pretense for the sake of children. Kids need clarity and strong definition from parents, to allow such lies and false ambitions into a family would only confuse kids rather than offering them the stability they need. If the marriage is broken it is better to accept it and move on than to try and patch it up for the sake of children, from my own experience a broken home is a much better living environment than a breaking home.
 

ysabel

/ˈɪzəˌbɛl/ pink 5
#5
How far would you go to stay in a relationship for the sake of the children?
At what point does your own personal outlook on the relationship take precedence over the children?
Do the children even matter once a couple feels they want to divorce?
It depends on how many kids and their ages. Say, if there are three kids ages 2, 3 and 7...then 8 years. :lol:

If the relationship is really detrimental and breaking you, you have to realise that a broken you is also harmful for the kids, because you're the care taker and the model. Choosing to do something about the relationship is not really saying your relationship takes precedence over the children. Because sometimes the reason you move on is really FOR the children. They're not band aids. They're not supposed to fix the problems of the couple; they're just affected by it.

Yes, the children matter a lot when a couple feels they want to divorce. Not so much in the sense of changing the decision, but making sure the decision is well thought of because you have to consider its effects (as a whole and on the transition phase) on the children. If there are no children to consider in the equation, separation decision would definitely be done differently and perhaps easier.

@Bananas: A social assistant I met with said a similar thing. Something like, "a successful divorce is better than a failing marriage".
 

Jeanie

still nobody's bitch
V.I.P.
#6
Exactly what everyone else has said. "For the children" is one of the worst reasons to stay in a relationship. Their parents' relationship is the primary model for kids, and if it's not loving, kind, and respectful, then the kids will likely repeat that pattern.
 

Smelnick

Creeping On You
V.I.P.
#7
As a child of a divorced couple, I'm glad they didn't stay together. I couldn't stand seeing the fighting between them when getting picked up for visits and so I doubt I could have put up with seeing them fight all the time. In this case also, they divorced for the sake of the kids since my father was an alcoholic and not good to us kids all the time.
 

Shooting_Palanx

The Rock is cooking atm..
#8
After reading a few responses, I guess staying in a broken and terrible relationship does no one any good, so staying for the children doesn't seem like a good idea at all.

Hmmm....

I guess it all depends, different situations offer different solutions.
 

EllyDicious

made of AMBIGUITY
V.I.P.
#9
actually...sometimes divorce is even better.
see .... my parents are not the best couple in the world and they have a lot of divergences with each other. they fight continuously and i can't stand such thing between them. so i really really wished they got divorced. i am the first to want this divorce between them and when i asked my mom why she didn't divorce from my dad long ago, she said she wanted me to have a father figure at home.
i love them both but i'm the first to see they're not made to stay with each other. i'm sure if my mom didn't have me, she'd be divorced by now. i really wished she could find someone else to make her happier. i love my dad too but they are totally the opposites of each other so i wish they weren't together anymore.
in this family i've never seen how parents can express their love for each other and i wished they never met [but i guess they wouldn't have me lol].

so it really depends on the situation. because divorce is not always the solution [given that couples nowadays find it to be the easiest way without trying to save their marriage..] but when there's no love and affection between parents staying together is not gonna help the children more.
 

Shooting_Palanx

The Rock is cooking atm..
#10
Couples argue, it's pretty much fact. My parents argue a hell of a lot too, but it's never too serious, and the end result is usually funny with my dad giving up and ending up laughing, I wish all parents would end their arguments like mine do, but life isn't a fairytale I guess.

Sorry for trailing a bit, just felt like saying that after seeing Elis post lol.