Flirting outside your Relationship

Relinquished

Registered Member
#1
I'm very happily taken, and have been for closing in on 9 months. I love the girl more than I think I consciously realise, but I've noticed I still on the odd occasion flirt with girls.

Now thinking about it, I guess I can base this on one or two things. The first is I'm not exactly the most confident of people, so the old self-esteem runs of fumes. I guess it could be an unconscious seeking of validation through harmless interest from others.

Alternatively it could be that I was single for so damn long it's just become unhealthily habitual to flirt with girls I acknowledge as attractive.

Noticing attractive girls is one thing, hell my girlfriend's even said "You can windowshop, just don't buy the goods". But am I crossing a line?

Opinions, abuse or a comforting reassurance - all equally appreciated.
 

Relinquished

Registered Member
#5
well the inability to do so would prevent you from doing it, thus solving the potential problem.. if it is indeed a problem, which remains the crux of the matter
 
#6
I think it's pretty tough to not flirt. Flirting is just a natural thing people do when they get along. Sure there is a physical attraction that typically needs to be there, but flirting is about as harmless as windowshopping. Although it is on you to make sure that your flirting doesn't cross the line. There is harmless flirting and there is FLIRTING. Check your intentions when you flirt, that should answer any questions you have.
 

Relinquished

Registered Member
#7
Valid point, as I've said I never want/expect anything to come of it. But it's whether what's harmless as far as I'm concerned is misconstrued as something greater to the girl, or indeed my gf.
 

kiwi

The Original Kiwi
#8
I think it's pretty tough to not flirt. Flirting is just a natural thing people do when they get along. Sure there is a physical attraction that typically needs to be there, but flirting is about as harmless as windowshopping. Although it is on you to make sure that your flirting doesn't cross the line. There is harmless flirting and there is FLIRTING. Check your intentions when you flirt, that should answer any questions you have.
Sui very well put into words what I was thinking. I have been married for 5 years and still find myself flirting her and there. Do I want it to go anywhere, absolutely not, it's just a natural form of communication. I would also never lead someone on to believe I am available, I'm always very open about the fact that I am married.
 
#9
Valid point, as I've said I never want/expect anything to come of it. But it's whether what's harmless as far as I'm concerned is misconstrued as something greater to the girl, or indeed my gf.
Well ideally your girlfriend should trust you enough to know that you are loyal to her. If thats not the case, then thats something you might wanna talk to her about, and re-affirm how much she means to you. As far as what the other girl reads, thats something you have to pay attention to. If you think they are reading too much into your flirting then you need to make it apparent you have a girlfriend. You don't have to be an asshole about it and push her away but dropping her name into conversations wouldn't hurt at all.
 

TimmehD

Registered Member
#10
There is a very specific instance that explains my situation. A girl at work, Michelle, is the target of a lot of flirting for me, and she returns the gesture. I flirt with several other girls at work, too. I have a girlfriend of 2 years whom I love very much and never plan on leaving. Actually, once we had taken a "break" when things got so out of hand and I planned on dating Michelle. However, when I was talking to her before I went in for the kill and I was really...not interested in her at all. So even after all that flirting we did, I genuinely didn't even want to date her.

So basically, I say it's harmless, just don't do it when your significant other is there and don't give off the wrong signs to people. If people start to think that you're serious, make sure they know you aren't really making advances on them. It can only get bad if you let that thought fester in their mind, trust me.