Feelings for a deceased person

So i got feelings for a friend in 1999, she was the first female i liked being gay i was year 12 she was year 11, she never knew i have feelings, 4 weeks to the day before my 18 on october 6th 2000 she committed suicide i was devastated. I ended up burying my feelings i locked them away, around a yearish later i was told she was the love of my life, i was gobsmacked. Fast forward to now 18 years and my feelings have resurfaced and i have no clue how to deal with them, it's hard enough dealing with feelings for someone who is alive little own someone who is deceased. I have had these feelings for 19 years


Free Spirit
Staff member
I'm no expert but it sounds like to me you need to talk to a therapist that specializes in grief. Either one on one or in a group. By what you said I don't think you allowed yourself enough time to grieve for her after her death. I know you still care for her but you need to put it into perspective for your own sake, you have a life to live. I think talking to someone with expertise in grief would help you with that.
f a therapist
think about her as if shes living somewhere else and your mind can comm with her directly and she can see u/read the input/output of your earth vessel so if you wave at her she can either see it or knows ur waving