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Fears in Dating

Naiwen

Registered Member
my fears in dating:

1. Getting cheated on

2. Being used.

3. Having to have sex with my partner.

4. Contracting STDs while having sex with him or her.
 

Hilander

Free Spirit
Staff member
V.I.P.
Those are some legitimate fears. As far as 3 I think that gets better if you take time to get to know them and just don't rush into things. If someone feels cared about, more so women than men, it will make the experience much better.

Truth is many people cheat anymore and if you are with a cheater its going to leave you feeling used or betrayed and you could get a std from them.

However if there is nothing ventured there is nothing gained. Cheaters can be replaced.
 

Naiwen

Registered Member
Those are some legitimate fears. As far as 3 I think that gets better if you take time to get to know them and just don't rush into things. If someone feels cared about, more so women than men, it will make the experience much better.

Truth is many people cheat anymore and if you are with a cheater its going to leave you feeling used or betrayed and you could get a std from them.

However if there is nothing ventured there is nothing gained. Cheaters can be replaced.
Who sex we need number 3 in a relationship? We can have a relationship without having sex.
 

Hilander

Free Spirit
Staff member
V.I.P.
Most of the time romantic relationships will not last without sex. After the getting to know you period, which is probably different for different people, at some point it will be expected. However if you don't want to I wouldn't have sex just because they wanted to.
 

Vidic15

No Custom Title Exists
V.I.P.
Who sex we need number 3 in a relationship? We can have a relationship without having sex.
Are you my girlfriend in disguise? :lol:

My fears in a relationship are:

1) Cheating.

That's about it, I do trust my girlfriend but the issue stems from me, the lack of self confidence I have due to the fact that my girl can do better than me.
 

Naiwen

Registered Member
Are you my girlfriend in disguise? :lol:

My fears in a relationship are:

1) Cheating.

That's about it, I do trust my girlfriend but the issue stems from me, the lack of self confidence I have due to the fact that my girl can do better than me.
I don't think i am. I haven't met you before.
 

dDave

Well-Known Member
V.I.P.
To be quite honest, I think lots of people have relationships very very wrong, that comes with the culture we have around us today I guess. I think the purpose of dating is to figure out if you want to spend the rest of your life with that person NOT to have sex. Just because you're dating does not mean that you need to be sleeping together, if the other person wants you to sleep with them then they're probably not the right one. If you're sleeping together then a breakup is also going to hurt a lot more if that happens later on down the road. All the best marriages I've seen (and that's a great many marriages) are between people that saved it for the honeymoon. Don't have sex until entering into the bond of marriage.

Now, is that old fashioned? Sure. Doesn't matter to me though, that's how it should be. STDs also really aren't nearly as big of an issue if you only have one partner.
 

Major

4 legs good 2 legs bad
V.I.P.
All the best marriages I've seen (and that's a great many marriages) are between people that saved it for the honeymoon. Don't have sex until entering into the bond of marriage.
You've seen a great many marriages? Aren't you like 19 or 20 years old? Lets be real here. How many marriages have you "seen" outside of your Christian bubble that you've lived in your entire life? How do you know whether or not all of these married couples saved it for the honeymoon? How do you know what all of these great many marriages are like behind closed doors?

Don't get me wrong, I think saving it for marriage is a very noble thing to do and something I have a lot of respect for. I really don't mean to offend you here, but your comments just sound...I don't want to say ignorant...maybe naive is the right word.
 

dDave

Well-Known Member
V.I.P.
You've seen a great many marriages? Aren't you like 19 or 20 years old? Lets be real here. How many marriages have you "seen" outside of your Christian bubble that you've lived in your entire life? How do you know whether or not all of these married couples saved it for the honeymoon? How do you know what all of these great many marriages are like behind closed doors?

Don't get me wrong, I think saving it for marriage is a very noble thing to do and something I have a lot of respect for. I really don't mean to offend you here, but your comments just sound...I don't want to say ignorant...maybe naive is the right word.
It's "naive" to save it for marriage? That's one I have not heard before. I'd actually say that it's naive to think that you can sleep with someone before marriage and not expect to have any major problems. (though I recognize that's not what you're saying)

I think you'd be surprised at how many marriages I've seen fall apart and how many I've seen that work, there's quite an extensive list. I feel like I've really observed many patterns over the years that have given me a pretty good idea of things that cause marriages to be strong and other things that generally cause irreparable damage to a relationship.

Yeah, I'm a Christian. That does not mean that I've been living in a Christian bubble my entire life. (If you want to debate that then you should go start a thread on it, I'll gladly discuss it)
 

Major

4 legs good 2 legs bad
V.I.P.
It's "naive" to save it for marriage? That's one I have not heard before.
That is not even close to what I said and I'm sorry if that's how you interpreted it. I said it's noble to wait until marriage and I think it's a great thing to do, whether for religious reasons or not.

I think it's naive for you to come to the conclusion that marriages are somehow better off for waiting or that they're more likely to crumble if they didn't wait based on the limited sample size and information that you have available to you, as well as any confirmation bias. It would be like me saying that hikers are better people than non-hikers because almost every hiker I've ever met is a great person, whereas a lot of non-hikers are rude and selfish.

I think you'd be surprised at how many marriages I've seen fall apart and how many I've seen that work, there's quite an extensive list. I feel like I've really observed many patterns over the years that have given me a pretty good idea of things that cause marriages to be strong and other things that generally cause irreparable damage to a relationship.
Like I asked in my previous post, how do you know whether or not all these people had sex before marriage? If they all specifically told you or they got pregnant before getting married, fair enough. If not, then that would have to be based on assumption.

How do you know that having sex before marriage had any effect whatsoever on the relationship falling apart? There are so many other factors at play in a relationship.

How do you know for sure that all of the happy marriages that you see are in fact as happy as they appear to be? Happiness can just be a front in a lot of cases, when they are actually dealing with problems in private.
 
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