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Family or Partner?


Registered Member
My mother just called and told me that she hopes that I will come for christmas but that she doesn't want my partner to come. She apologized and stressed that she liked my partner and that he had done nothing to offend her but she wanted her mother to come for christmas and she knew she wouldn't if I brought my partner along. I told her that I understood that my grandmother was old school and I can't hold that against her. My mother then said that during our recent visit to her house for the weekend where she met my partner for the first time, she liked him very much.... BUT. Seeing us together made her realize that she was very much like her mother and that she was VERY uncomfortable the entire weekend. I am shocked. I had no idea. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to tell my partner. I don't know if I should just stay home and make a stand or say "it's ok" and go alone and miss him terribly the entire time I'm gone. I really need some help with this one. I don't know what to do. I feel like either way I am going to hurt someone I love. help?



still nobody's bitch
Why are they so uncomfortable, is it because of the age difference? (you're significantly older, right?)

That's a really tough call and I'm sorry that your mother put you in that position. I think that I'd act based upon how I would feel if the situation were reversed. I'd be heartbroken if I had a partner whose family said I was not welcome and he or she went without me, so I would not do that to someone I loved.

That said, I can't fathom anyone in my family saying such a thing, and I feel terribly for you.
Oh wait, never mind, it's the same sex partnership that they're uncomfortable with, isn't it?

I'm sorry.
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Registered Member
Just my personal opinion now...but I'd go with the family.
But I'm the type of person that always puts family first......my children, my Mother..like that.
I even put my children before my husband when I was married, thus one of the reasons that led to our divorce, he didn't feel that was right.
But, my children will always be first.
And family is family...unless you are in a constant bitter feud with them, you should spend as much time as possible with Mothers and Dads.
You can't replace them.....but you can replace a spouse or a significant other.....kwim??
Sorry, that's how I feel about it.
Anyway, does your partner not have anywhere to go??
Even if they don't.....if they love you, and you explain the best way you can the circumstances, they'll understand...I wish you the best of luck!
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yellow 4!
In this situation, I would put the partner first. Not to make a stand or anything though. Can't you spend Christmas with your partner but pop in to see your family for an hour or so alone at some point during the day? Any kind of compromise between the two options. I just don't see the point in being with your family all day and not him if you're going to be miserable and missing him the whole time.

I would also just tell him straight or you could be left with a problem down the line, but make sure you stress that it's not HIM that they dislike (as in he shouldn't take it personally).

Tough one though. :(


Registered Member
I think Bex might have the right idea (assuming you live close enough that you can do that).

If you have to choose, I'd say it depends on how close you are to your partner (and to your family, for that matter). Is your relationship with your partner basically "We'd be married if it was allowed"? Or is it "We just started dating"?

If you're at the "We'd be married if it was allowed" stage, I'd probably go with him. Explain to your family that you love them and want to be with them, but that you can't just set aside a part of your life because it makes them a little uncomfortable.

If you're at a lesser stage with him, I'd probably alternate between them (Thanksgiving with them, Christmas with him; or whatever) and explain to them that if your relationship progresses, they'll have to come to accept him as a part of their lives.


Babeasaurus Sex
Oh what an awful situation.

I have to say though it must have been hard for your mum to say and whilst it must be difficult to hear or accept please appreciate her honesty.

I agree with Bex though, you shouldn't leave him if thats not what you want and there will always be time for you to go to them at some point across the holiday season.

I really hope the best solution becomes clear. It's hard to be so torn. He is part of your life, and whoever holds your heart becomes part of you anyway, by not accepting him they sort of aren't accepting you which doesn't make them bad people it just means they need to understand that they're hurting you.

Good luck x


Well-Known Member
This is a difficult situation no doubt, here's what I would consider: Do you see your partner more than your family? How often do you get to see the two?

Honestly I would consider going with the family during this holiday season, it'll be a good time for you to spend with your mother and siblings and even your grandmother. Though it's a tough call to make, if you explain some of the story to your partner, then I'm sure he would understand. To be honest, at least your mother was very honest about the whole thing, she has no ill will towards your partner but she was just being honest with herself and her feelings. That's what really matters.

Like I stated, talk with your partner about the situation, but for me if you don't get to see your flesh and blood as often as you see your mate, then go home and spend time with loved ones. Christmas love and cheer can be spread everywhere!



Registered Member
parents are always nagging us, but it is the way to show their careness.

Not all parents nag~
And really, the OP should think about spending the time with the family.
Mothers and Dads probably won't be living as long as the partner, I'd want to spend as much time as possible with mine~


Where is my Queen?
I probably wouldn't go with this suggestion, but this is what I would do, I would bring your partner anyway. If some of your family can't except the fact that your are in a same sex relationship, screw them! Bring your partner on...because they are going to have to accept it sooner or later.