Ever found something out about your other half that shocked you?

#1
I found something out yesterday and it's really playing on my mind. I've already decided I'll never mention it to my boyfriend but I just want to get it off my chest!! So here goes...

My boyfriend was a friend of my ex-flatmates and we met when he came to stay at our flat for my ex-f/mate's birthday 3 years ago. We hit it off straight away and kissed just before he left the next day. But I didn't hear anything from him.
So I started seeing someone else. But then my now BF started staying with my friend at our flat most weekends and he would get really drunk and quite depressed. He told me later that it was because I was with someone else which is what I had suspected. Our mutual friend had refused to give him my number or email or anything.
Anyway my relationship ended quickly and badly and one day I got a message from my now BF saying merry christmas. I replied and we started talking on the phone and online. We started our relationship 3 months after we first met and it's been great. He's my best friend and we've always been completely honest with eachother about our pasts, or so I thought!!

So yesterday I went to check my email but when I opened gmail it went straight to my BFs account. There were emails there between him and an American girl that he'd met online. They were really sexually explicit and they talked about her coming over to the UK to see him. They would also talk on AIM and she was leaving him sexy voicemail on his mobile. She was constantly telling him that she was in love with him too.
Now this all happened between the time that we met and ended before we started talking at christmas. There was no overlap. But he has never ever mentioned her to me. He's told me about all of his exes. And he's always been shy with me - I've always had to fight and fight for a sexy message from him!:D
I had a similar type of thing going on with someone once where we would text and phone and meet up for a bit of fun sometimes, and he knows all about that too. And I'm a bit annoyed too that I've been guilty for years that I was with someone else when he wanted to be with me, and all the while he was getting his thrills too!

Any opinions anyone? If I discussed it with him he'd be really angry that I read his emails, and it's not worth the fight cause it doesn't affect our relationship or my trust in him. But if he was happy to discuss my similar experiences why not share himself??
 

Bliss

Sally Twit
#2
First of all you shouldn't have read his e-mails without his permission. You should have logged out as soon as you realised you were in his account and not gone snooping through his mail. I don't care how close you are, you should never do that.

You caught him out, there's no denying that. You have to ask him straight out for an explanation and you have to admit what you did too. Maybe you can work it out or maybe your relationship will end.

Relationships are built on trust and I'm sure he's lost your trust after what he did but you'll also lose his for reading his private e-mails.
 

fragile

Registered Member
#3
I agree that you shouldn't have read his emails, but at the same time he shouldn't have anything to hide. Why does he even still have them if they're that old?
 

kiwi

The Original Kiwi
#4
You said it yourself. It ended before you started dating, so ignore it, and move on. Sure he could have told you, but I'm sure there are things that my husband of 6 years has never told me and it doesn't really matter. I personally don't really care to know about all of his ex's and details, that all happened long before me and ever since we started dating, he's never abused my trust. If your boyfriend has also been faithful ever since you started, don't let yourself stress over a past fling.
 

Oooh_snap

Living on the 0th floor
V.I.P.
#5
I agree with Kiwi. If it ended before you guys got together than there is really no reason to be upset. I would be upset that he was holding on to them, but at the same time there was no reason for you to go through them. He probably doesn't give you sexy messages like that because he doesn't want you to be a fling and he respects you a lot more than he did her.
 

Bliss

Sally Twit
#6
I didn't read it was over before they got together, if that's true then get over it and move on.
 
#7
I'm not stressing any more. And yes we've both been completely faithful. The only thing that bothered me is that it's so out of character for someone I thought I knew inside out. He really does know everything about me but it really doesnt matter at all. I am over it - just needed to vent about really!