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Esquire's Why we cheat

Babe_Ruth

Sultan of Swat
Staff member
V.I.P.
Reasons Why Men Cheat - Explaining Why Men Cheat - Esquire

I thought this article was rather enjoyable to read. I was wondering if you could come up with some reasons for "why we cheat"? Is it because needs are not being met? Maybe they need the thrill of risk? Maybe it's because people can just do it, and they know they won't get caught?

I know almost every relationship is different, and there can be multiple reasons to cheat on someone, but I just wanted to pick your brain on this subject, especially after you read the article I just posted.

Just want to clarify, this thread is not asking what you think of cheating(right or wrong). It's asking why do you believe people cheat.
 
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Jeanie

still nobody's bitch
V.I.P.
Biz that article was disgusting and I'm not sure why you shared it. I'm no prude, god knows that, but did he really have to use the word "fuck" to describe what he does to the women he cheats with?

He sounded like someone with an axe to grind, someone who has no control whatsoever over his compulsions, and so has to shove it in everyone's FACEs - "yeah I cheat, and so what, men have to cheat, we're hardwired that way, and if you don't cheat then fuck you, you can go to hell". Either this guy is full of shit or most other men are.

I don't think anyone can say this one particular reason is why men (or women) cheat. The reasons are as varied as the people who are unfaithful. I have a friend who has been married for 15 years and has had two affairs, because her husband is inattentive to her physical and emotional needs. She stays with him because they have kids. I have another friend who is single and she cheats on her relationships and is a party to cheating, because that's just who she is. It's not that she's without a conscience, but commitment doesn't really mean anything to her. I've known people who were in bad relationships or marriages and didn't realize how unhappy they were until they met someone else, and started carrying on before the prior relationship was resolved. People cheat for many many different reasons.
 

EllyDicious

made of AMBIGUITY
V.I.P.
Seriously? Men cheat because they need to?? What kind of excuse is that?
If we go by that logic then it means women need to cheat just as well...
but I don't think it's the way love goes.
Just like Jeanie said, the article was disgusting. It's just Esquire's point of view and it's subjective but this doesn't mean relationships should work this way.

Also, he forgets that not all men/women are the same. Different people have different reasons for why they cheat.
The article makes it sound like men need to cheat, the same way they need to eat or sleep. It also makes me think that cheating for men is like the oxygen they breathe.

It's such a bad point of view.
 

shelgarr

Registered Member
I think people cheat for excitement. Just like getting new cars, jumping out airplanes, traveling to exotic places, changing careers....people try to take the mundane out of life.

This guy in the article says it's "cheating". The way he goes about it, I'm surprised he gives it that label. Cheating is negative, and according to him, there isn't anything negative in his quests. My suspicion is that his views do not reflect that of most men. It would be interesting to see what a few of the men here think about it.

Given that he keeps it private from his wife, I wonder what he would do about the extreme hurt she would feel if she found out. Would he be so cavalier about it?
 

MenInTights

not a plastic bag
I'd like to her from the women on this. From what I've experienced(not personally), the wife always knows. She may deny it or drown it out, but she knows.

Some people are so selfish to think they can have it all in life. They can have a family and they can also be a dog. The guy's killing his family emotionally but doesn't care. He may also be passing on std's to his wife. But none of that is important because the world is all about him. Whatever makes Mr. Anonymous happy is all that matters in life.
 

Swiftstrike

Registered Member
What this written by a sex crazed teenage boy?

I mean aside from the grammar it seems just like a blog entry or rant. No real material to take from it. I feel like he is just bragging about his conquests. Which I use to hear all the time from my friends...when I was in high school and college.

People cheat because relationships are complicated, even after marriage.
 
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ysabel

/ˈɪzəˌbɛl/ pink 5
What this written by a sex crazed teenage boy?

I mean aside from the grammar it seems just like a blog entry or rant. No real material to take from it. I feel like he is just bragging about his conquests. Which I use to hear all the time from my friends...when I was in high school and college.

People cheat because relationships are complicated, even after marriage.
That's what I got from the article. I was hoping for something more thought provoking. I have nothing against people sleeping around and claiming that humans aren't made to be monogamous. But I have issues with people who can't admit it to their partners that they have to pretend to them that they're the only ones. The broken promises, the deception, the pretension, those are the things I disagree with more than the actual fuck-a-lot.

And the fact that people actually hide it from the partners make me feel that "not getting caught" is one of the driving forces why people cheat. If they don't care about being caught, then they'd just be open about it. But as for the main reason why people do, aside from the inability to control libido, I like to second Swift about relationships being complicated (and sometimes cheating is one way out, an easy way out to deal with the complications until the cheating itself becomes another part of the complication).
 

Merc

Problematic Shitlord
V.I.P.
Biz that article was disgusting and I'm not sure why you shared it. I'm no prude, god knows that, but did he really have to use the word "fuck" to describe what he does to the women he cheats with?
It's just a word, why is it a problem? I think it's more his attitude and not the word that's the problem. If anything, it's probably very easy to argue that such a word is more fitting since I can't really see him saying, "I make love with a bucketslut I met at Denny's"

:lol:

Sorry, English/language major in me had to pick at that.

He sounded like someone with an axe to grind, someone who has no control whatsoever over his compulsions, and so has to shove it in everyone's FACEs - "yeah I cheat, and so what, men have to cheat, we're hardwired that way, and if you don't cheat then fuck you, you can go to hell". Either this guy is full of shit or most other men are.
I don't really think so.

While I was reading, I felt like he had a very driven tone, like it was something he had thought about for awhile. He may well be just some sex crazed, immature slouch but it does seem like this is something thought out. I think the easy assertion is that he's just angry and impulsive but I think that's how we hope he is. People like this guy, especially in the minds of those that have had to deal with the heartbreak of a cheater, enrage others because of their complete inability to commit. As you said earlier about your friend, some people just do not comprehend or care about the concept of loyalty and commitment. There can be numerous reasons but in the end, they just can't do it nor want to.

I also think that what he was driving at is that men are biologically wired to have multiple partners. Thanks to hundreds of years of conditioning, humankind has grown used to a commonly monogamous culture but biology is hard to escape. Men who tell their wives that they don't fantasize about other women, or who do not stare, do not wander mentally, are liars. It's not something you can just turn off and it's not something you can really explain unless you're a guy just like I'm sure there are things about women I'll never understand for the same reason. The difference is obviously some guys can control themselves and others can't.

I don't think this guy is one of them.

He's an ass, don't get me wrong, I've never dealt with a cheater and I've never done it myself but I can assure you it would be a dark day in hell if I ever had to deal with it. This passage is one that I thought about briefly:

That doesn't mean it's good for you. Or that I recommend it. I don't give a damn what you do. I am simply providing one explanation of why men cheat. It's what they are built for. It is a function of the mathematics of their reproductive function. It is the by-product of longer life spans, more-deadening careers, too much work. And it is the consequence of an instinctive refusal to give up one's own need entirely for the flawed and antiquated apparatus of marriage.

Now, I think marriage is just fine and a great idea in general. I do not think it's for everyone. The highlighted portion is somewhat truthful however, even if we hate to think about it. All life is programmed to survive and reproduce. Staying with one partner for a big chunk of your life is biologically idiotic. The cellular level thinking of a life form is to spread its seed far and wide and that means multiple partners. Of course, we can control this and I'm not suggesting that men are being held at the will of their bodies. It is however something that makes for interesting and provoking thoughts because it makes you wonder how much that drive actually affects thought process. I'd like to believe the answer is 'very little' but once again, that's why I mention it because it's worth considering.

Lastly, I think the other thing worth talking about here is that men and women have vastly different needs and priorities in regards to those needs. Obviously and let's just get this crap out of the way, people vary. Some men are more feminine, some women are more masculine, some men are macho, some women are dainty. However, mentally, a man is looking for sex. It's hard-wired into the brain and thus becomes somewhat of a focus of the male brain (see: a teenage boy). As we (men) grow, we obviously have more control of these hormones but still not very much. Many of us have things we're looking for too but men are very physical.

Women can be as well. However as evident by the end of that article and I'm sure countless stories similar to it, women want closeness. They want someone to hold them at night and love them because they spend their lives surrounded by their own gender stereotypes mainly being told that they are supposed to be the ones giving love. It's only natural to want it back and for that to be very important. Of course, men want this too but as I said, this is where the 'priorities' come into play. Men are more likely to be concerned with looks, sex, and thus the physicality of a woman. Let's have a laugh because we all have at least one or two guy friends who are dating a crazy chick that clearly must fuck like a tiger on meth because no one would ever date someone that nuts or with such a disgusting personality.

So yeah, the author is a bit of a cunt. However, I think if you read this simply as insight, then you can take a bit more from it and perhaps start some internal conversation of your own. Just because he disregards commitment in favor of sexual satisfaction and thrill, doesn't make him immediately 'evil'. It makes him incredibly unlikable, but I think he's vastly more unlikable because of how much thought he's put into it. You don't expect a cheater to be thought out, you expect him/her to be dumb, angry and compulsive.
 

Bliss

Sally Twit
I think people that cheat are missing something from the relationship or they are not in love with their partner.
However, some people have cheated once and deeply regretted it. They manage to repair their relationship and never cheat again. I guess it's flattering if someone else is attracted to you and makes that known. But if you are in love then you should be able to turn them away and make it clear that you're spoken to.

I know that some relationships are very complicated. Some people are unhappily married but stay together because they have children. I've never agreed with this because I think the children will suffer more if their parents are cold to each other or argumentative. And I suppose when you're that unhappy it is easy to cheat.
 

Bubbles

I ♥ Haters
Odd, I never noticed this thread before.

Anyways, what a douchenozzle. There are no “reasons” in that article (or at least, I didn’t pick up any), it just sounds like he’s being cocky and bragging about his, for a lack of a better word here, accomplishments. I think men cheat for the same reasons that women cheat – lack of fulfillment in their relationships; of course, it’s not just limited to that alone and there could be other factors involved, but that’s the main one that jumps out at me. I find it sad that instead of working on their relationships and trying to make them better, people have to run around and cheat on each other. I know it’s a free world, and you can do whatever you want, but just because you can do something, doesn’t mean you should.
 
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