Emotional or Sexual Infidelity

[ysabel]

I've been reading studies of evolutionary psychologists about infidelity. Some assert that man is designed to detect sexual infidelity: a woman who allows another man to impregnate her takes her womb out of service, depriving her mate of reproductive opportunities. A woman's jealousy module is tuned to emotional infidelity, but she doesn't care much if her mate is unfaithful: a man will probably stick with his wife and kids even if he is sexually unfaithful, but may well abandon them if he actually falls in love with another woman. Newer studies show that men prizing sexual fidelity while women preferring emotional constancy is an old thinking. Men's and women's concerns vary greatly by culture: one country's harmless tryst is another's irreconcilable differences.

So here's a poll (and please explain your answer when you vote) to see the trend for the members here.

Which would make you more upset: your partner's sexual infidelity or your partner's emotional infidelity?

No corny answers like, "both will upset me". I'm sure they would (well, unless neither bothers you), but try to measure which one of the two would you find more upsetting.


*my answer follows later

 

[Sim]

Definitely emotional infidelity, although sexual infidelity would bother me too.

I had a complicated relationship once with a girl who wanted an open relationship, in order to have sex with other guys too -- until we made it permanent, eventually. But I think she cheated on me occasionally. I wasn't happy with that, of course, yet I stayed with her, because I knew for sure she does love me and want me in her life, and when she has sex with someone else, it doesn't mean much emotionally for her.

If I hadn't known for sure she loved me, I would have never been able to forgive her for her infidelity. If I had suspected emotional infidelity as well, I would have ended it immediately.

But still, although I stayed with her, it was far from an ideal relationship.

 

[Rebeccaaa]

Which would make you more upset: your partner's sexual infidelity or your partner's emotional infidelity?

Don't shoot me or anything (RE: "No corny answers like, 'both will upset me'. " ..you beach) but it depends. At my age now, I think sexual infidelity would bother me more. Or, at least, I'd take action against it sooner. If I was older and in a very long-term relationship, I suppose I'd be a lot more bothered about emotional infidelity. Since most of my life will be spent as an 'older' person, I'll vote emotional.

 

[Impact]

For me, emotional infidelity. Sex is just an act, and without emotion doesn't mean a great deal. Sure, i'd be upset with both, but I think emotional infidelity would have more of an effect on me.

 

[Wade8813]

I'd argue that any sexual infidelity almost always includes emotional infidelity, so I'd say sexual infidelity is usually worse.

 

[mollymoo]

More often than not, peoples actions are motivated by thier emotions. Think the word 'motive' says it all (reason) So I believe that if one strays bodily, they have already been emotionally straying
BUT ! I reckon that 'thinking what sex would be like with someone else is probably very normal So I'm gonna go and say that sexual infidelity would upset me more...Mainly because I'de be made to wonder what she has that I don't !

 

[Wade8813]

More often than not, peoples actions are motivated by thier emotions. Think the word 'motive' says it all (reason) So I believe that if one strays bodily, they have already been emotionally straying
BUT ! I reckon that 'thinking what sex would be like with someone else is probably very normal So I'm gonna go and say that sexual infidelity would upset me more...Mainly because I'de be made to wonder what she has that I don't !

I agree. Although I wouldn't say that "thinking what sex would be like with someone else" is necessarily emotional infidelity - it's when you start longing for it (often to the point of distracting you from your current relationship) that it's definitely a problem.

 

[Tucker]

Red cat, blue cat, they clawed my face the same. I'll go with sex, only because there's the added question of microbial impurity. Exposing the unwitting and trusting to the possibility of sexually transmitted disease is not something done by the saints.

 

[Obsessiforge]

Emotional, hands down. Sex has a lot of symblism behind it, and in my eyes is the biggest way to express love, but it doesn't necessarily work the other way around; sex CAN mean love (but doesn't always), and love doesn't always mean sex. yes, I'd be super upset if she slept with another guy (or girl for that matter...yeah, that'd upset me a lot), but only because I'd see it as her ripping my heart out; therefore, the emotional part of the infidelity would kill me more than the thought of the act (though, once again, that would set my teeth on edge as well).

I know there are a thousand things someone can do to twist your heartstrings, intentionally or unintentionally. sleeping around is high on the list, but its a really big list, and most of the items on it hurt me.

 

[PretzelCorps]

Okay, so I voted emotional infidelity, but now I'm backtracking...

You can have emotional infidelity without sexual infidelity, but I don't believe you can have sexual infidelity without emotional infidelity. There is an irrefutable link between the physical and the emotional/spiritual; to physically cheat, you're either emotionally involved with person 3, or emotionally detached from person 2. Or maybe you're just stupid and think you'll get away with it a la "what they don't know can't hurt them," which is, again, emotionally detached


Physical infidelity is the zenith and eventual outcome of emotional infidelity; all roads lead to sex. While you can't control your emotions, you can take steps to keep yourself out of emotionally tense situations; and you most certainly can control your physical body.

I'm thinking now that I would more likely forgive some wayward emotions, rather than a physical act.