douchebag or is it karma.

Discussion in 'Dating & Relationships' started by FindMuck, Mar 21, 2010.

  1. FindMuck

    FindMuck Registered Member

    I know you guys really don't care about my personal problems so ill try to keep this as short and (admittedly not sweet) as possible, but most of you are older than I and can probably give me some valuable advice on this.

    I went to a party with a couple of my friends and there was this girl there that we all like, the problem is that she is going out with the biggest douche on the planet. Anyway the douchebag got really drunk and since I was the most sober person at the party I drove him home. When I got back to the party his girlfriend thanked me and gave me her number...so...I called it the next day and we decided to go get coffee because she wanted to talk to me. The first thing she asked me was if he was seeing other girls, and I know he had been, so I told her the truth. She seemed like she knew that already and wasn't that effected, but then she asked me if I'd ever been the other guy before. Of course I said no, but then she seemed a little put off by that. Ever since then we've been hanging out together a lot (nothing more) but no one knows this, not even my close friends.

    My question is...am I doing the right thing, or am I just becoming the same kind of douche as her boyfriend (whom I abhor), and them should I stop talking to her or should I just stay friends and see where it goes?
     

  2. Wade8813

    Wade8813 Registered Member

    It doesn't count as karma if you're deliberately doing something like that :lol:.

    Personally, I'd GTFO of there. Not only do you not want to be that kind of person, making an enemy out of him is probably a bad idea. And while everyone may like her, it's kinda creepy that she's giving you her phone number, asking if you've ever been the "other person", etc.

    You're keeping it a secret from everyone, which usually indicates that you know this isn't something that should be going on.

    She asked you if he was cheating, then turned around and basically threw herself at you - it sounds as if she wants to use you to get back at him. But the key there is that she's using you.

    If she really wants to be with you, she should break it off with him.
     
  3. Rebeccaaa

    Rebeccaaa yellow 4!

    She's not really the type of girl you want to be involved with if she's going to treat her boyfriend like this. That said, if you do really like each other then she should break up with him.. in fact she should anyway if he's seeing other people. :eyebrow: I think you need to give her the 'him or me' ultimatum because otherwise, you're both being just as bad as he apparently is.
     
  4. Kibi

    Kibi Babeasaurus Sex

    This is very good advice.

    Don't let yourself be put in a position to be hurt or used.

    Don't kid yourself that she'll leave him. If she does then great give her some time and then see where it goes.

    Don't assume people don't care - we do, if you have a problem that we can help with we will.

    It's nice to have someone give you attention and we all know secrecy makes it exciting but try not to get caught up in it.

    Be careful

    xxx
     
  5. FindMuck

    FindMuck Registered Member

    I guess I made her sound like a bad person. I don't think she wants to cheat on anyone but one thing I should charily is that she's scared to break up with him because he and his friends might try to hurt her.

    Thanks for the input I really do appreciate it. People outside of the situation usually always have a more clear perspective about what is going on.
     
  6. Wade8813

    Wade8813 Registered Member

    Oh. That's definitely a problem (although I'm pretty sure if they'll hurt her for breaking up, they'll do a lot worse to both of you for going behind his back).

    Has he (or his friends) made any actual threat? If so, you should be able to get the authorities involved.
     
  7. FindMuck

    FindMuck Registered Member

    She said he yells a lot, but I've seen him and his friends pick fights with people before, which actually scares me, and now its at the point where if I just stop hanging out with her she's going to know I talked to someone and then she'll be angry at me.

    Holy shit I really messed this one up. :shake:
     
  8. Wade8813

    Wade8813 Registered Member

    She's going to have to end it with him at some point, or she'll just end up one of those abused wives who's scared to leave her husband.

    There are resources for wives in that situation. I'd imagine some of them might work in her situation.



    I think as long as you handle it properly, she won't be too mad at you. Just explain that you're worried just like she is, and don't want to make things worse for both of you (and that you don't like hiding things from everyone). And explain that you want to help her find a solution to her problem, so you can hang out without hiding it.

    She shouldn't be mad at you for trying to help her.
     
  9. storm_ina_C_cup

    storm_ina_C_cup Registered Member

    I wouldn't get myself involved, sounds like she's using you.
     
  10. EllyDicious

    EllyDicious made of AMBIGUITY V.I.P. Lifetime

    Wade gave some really good advice.

    You should get out of this and if possible, you could also get her out of this situation.
    You messed up with the wrong people, especially when you know he's like that.
    So you're kind of playing with fire.
    You're in trouble thus you should do something as soon as possible. The more time goes on, the worse.

    If she's mature enough, she'll understand you.
     

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