douche-bag

G

Godfearingsecular

Guest
#1
A man is driving his five year old to a friend's house when
another car races in front and cuts them off, nearly causing
an accident.

"Douche-bag!" the father yells.

A moment later he realizes the indiscretion, pulls over, and
turns to face his son. "Your father just said a bad word," he
says. "I was angry at that driver, but that was no excuse for
what I said. It was wrong. But just because I said it, it
doesn't make it right, and I don't ever want to hear you saying
it. Is that clear?"

His son looks at him and says: "Too late, douche-bag."
 
G

Godfearingsecular

Guest
#3
Thanks!!! Not telling but here is another somewhat funny joke...
A Jewish businessman was in a great deal of trouble. His
business was failing, he had put everything he had into
the business, he owed everybody. It was so bad he was even
contemplating suicide. As a last resort he went to a Rabbi
and poured out his story of tears and woe.

When he had finished, the Rabbi said, "Here's what I want
you to do: Put a beach chair and your Torah in your car
and drive down to the beach. Take the beach chair and the
Torah to the water's edge, sit down in the beach chair, and
put the Torah in your lap. Open the Torah; the wind will
rifle the pages, but finally the open Torah will come to
rest on a page. Look down at the page and read the first
thing you see. That will be your answer. That will tell
you what to do."

A year later the businessman went back to the Rabbi and
brought his wife and children with him. The man was in a
new custom-tailored suit, his wife in a mink coat, the
children shining. The businessman pulled an envelope
stuffed with money out of his pocket, gave it to the
Rabbi as a donation in thanks for his advice.

The Rabbi recognized the benefactor, and was curious.
"You did as I suggested?" he asked.

"Absolutely," replied the businessman.

"You went to the beach?"

"Absolutely."

"You sat in a beach chair with the Torah in your lap?"

"Absolutely."

"You let the pages rifle until they stopped?"

"Absolutely."

"And what were the first words you saw?"

"Chapter 11."