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Does responsiblity end where cheating begins?

Hilander

Free Spirit
Staff member
V.I.P.
I was reading this woman's comments on the internet the other day. She said her husband suffered a heart attack while in a motel with another woman. Apparently the heart attack left him disabled and needing at home care because she said she had to take care of him now. She didn't sound too happy about it, as a matter of fact she sounded depressed to me, which I would imagine would cause someone to be depressed.

I wanted to tell her no you don't have to take care of him, send him to a nursing home and possibly forget which one you put him in. Your responsibility for his care ended when he had this heart attack while cheating. Divorce him and find someone that does deserve your love and care and can give you the same in return.

What really got me was a lot of people were saying 'he's your husband you married him for better or worse and you should take care of him' but a few were of my opinion.

What would you do if this was your spouse? Would you take care of them?
 

sunrise

aka ginger warlock
V.I.P.
I would not blame her for wanting to forget about him and move on with her life. If he had not had the heart attack how likely is it he would have continued to do what he did? As for the "better or for worse" well I would agree that at this point he has lost that right, we are of course unsure of all the details but he also stated he would not go with another person so to be fair he brought this on himself.

And for the record anyone who says that she needs to stay with him no matter what and how dare she think otherwise needs to back off. It's not fair, it's not helpful, it's basically emotional blackmail.
 

Taliesin

Registered Member
If it was my wife, I would stay and look after her. I don't know why. I guess even with all the emotional hurt I would be going through, I'd still love her. Yeah, I'm a fool, I know.

If the tables were turned, then she'd have every right to walk out and leave me drooling in a gutter somewhere.
 

Hilander

Free Spirit
Staff member
V.I.P.
I don't see how she could take care of him. I would be afraid I might not put much effort in it myself and he would be better off in a nursing home. I would be so mad that I might cause him to have another heart attack. Just don't think I would be too nice to him especially if it wasn't the first time he did something like this.

I don't know the whole story though there might be reasons she still would want to take care of him. Maybe they were both cheating and she isn't admitting to her part.
 

idisrsly

I'm serious
V.I.P.
If he had a heart attack in any other scenario and needed care, then yes, through better or worse. I would of course stay with my husband and care for him as long as he needed. But cheating to me is the line. If he was healthy after being caught cheating, I would have left him. So why not when he needs care? Why does she need to care for him when he looked to another woman to care for his other needs? Let that woman take care of him.

I know it sounds harsh, and the reality is I am like Eph, a big softy. Chances are I would care for him if it were me. But I do feel like she has a choice and can chose to not care for him through this time. People don't have a right to judge her. He is the one that should be judged.
 
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Elanor

Registered Member
If he had a heart attack in any other scenario and needed care, then yes, through better or worse. I would of course stay with my husband and care for him as long as he needed. But cheating to me is the line. If he was healthy after being caught cheating, I would have left him. So why not when he needs care? Why does she need to care for him when he looked to another woman to care for his other needs? Let that woman take care of him.

I know it sounds harsh, and the reality is I am like Eph, a big softy. Chances are I would care for him if it were me. But I do feel like she has a choice and can chose to not care for him through this time. People don't have a right to judge her. He is the one that should be judged.
I completely agree with Idi on this. This woman has nothing to feel guilty about if she did decide to leave. He is the one that was unfaithful, and in the process of cheating suffered a heart attack. You could say he is suffering the consequences of his actions if you believe that kind of thing.

Maybe if she found out without him having a heart attack things would be different. It could be that because he is now he is disabled it has stopped her from fully blaming him for what he did. Instead she sees the man she loved needing long term care, and wanting to be there for him, because she loves him.
 

Major

4 legs good 2 legs bad
V.I.P.
In my opinion, the woman no longer has a responsibility to take care of her husband after she caught him cheating. A divorce would be warranted, and that's the route I would take in her situation.
 

Santa

Registered Member
This is why I am very hesitant to ever get married. I am a Christian. If I ever took the wedding vow of "for better or for worse," I'd feel ashamed to divorce my wife if, God forbid, she ever cheated on me.
 

dDave

Well-Known Member
V.I.P.
If it was my wife, I would stay and look after her. I don't know why. I guess even with all the emotional hurt I would be going through, I'd still love her. Yeah, I'm a fool, I know.

If the tables were turned, then she'd have every right to walk out and leave me drooling in a gutter somewhere.
I kind of feel the same way. Just because someone cheats doesn't mean you don't still love them. Lots of people make big mistakes, some happen to make that mistake in the form of cheating.

I guess I'm just a forgiving person, maybe I shouldn't be.

And yes, she would have every right to leave me.
 

Merc

Problematic Shitlord
V.I.P.
I think we're all assuming too much.

Do I think she has the right to divorce him? Of course, he broke the foundation of their marriage by sleeping with someone else. Some would say karma intervened. However not all cases of cheating are cut and dry and believing otherwise is simply idiotic. Sure it's a horrible thing but do we really know the whole story here? I mean, what if this is a couple that was married for decades and had a bad argument, years of pent up anger, etc, and they both just needed to vent and they snapped. Doesn't make anything that happens afterwards right, but I think it's still important to consider that this story might not be what we assume it is.

If she wants to divorce him, go for it. If he views some fresh poon as more important than keeping his vows, then he's asking to be alone. But if she chooses to stay with him, that's her choice. If she is upset or depressed about it, then she deserves it too because if she's going to subject herself to it while knowing she doesn't want any part of it, why should we feel bad for her?
 
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