Do you often ponder "what-if"?

[Babe_Ruth]

Do you often ponder "what-if"? Meaning, what-if you did something different at a certain point of your life then maybe things would be better or worst for you right now?

Or, you try not to look back at that time, instead make best of the present?

 

[Jeanie]

I am the worst when it comes to not letting myself off the hook for mistakes I've made in the past. Or directions I sometimes feel like I should have taken but didn't. But then I remember that I'm happy and content now, and my life wouldn't be what it is today if I had made different choices, so I let it go.

 

[EdgeHead]

Yeah, I'm like that too. I tend to constantly bash myself sometimes for doing something (or not doing something) that took me in a different path than where I am today. Is it because of my poor self-esteem? Perhaps it is the answer. But I also tell myself that some of the stuff that I went through, although pain-suffering back then, lead me to some wonderful things that perhaps could've never happened if I hadn't gone through this. I guess for me, it's a life battle to figure out how to deal with remorses, regrets....and what ifs.

 

[Bubbles]

I am the worst when it comes to not letting myself off the hook for mistakes I've made in the past. Or directions I sometimes feel like I should have taken but didn't. But then I remember that I'm happy and content now, and my life wouldn't be what it is today if I had made different choices, so I let it go.

This. A hundred times this.

I find it SUPER hard to move on from mistakes I've made in the past. Especially when it comes to dealing with career and relationship choices. 2015 was really one of those years where I made a lot of questionable life decisions. I wasted an entire year of my life chasing after a fat, (probably... fucking hopefully) disease ridden couch potato of an ex. That's 12 fucking months that I will NEVER get back. I can't even say that I was grateful for the memories and good times because there were no good times. He was a an emotionally abusive douche and I was a sensitive idiot. It was bound to fail. My only regret is the time I lost. Like a wonder that maybe if I wasn't so preoccupied with Mr. Castrateyourselfwithaspatula, maybe I missed an opportunity to really connect with someone on a much more meaningful level. So many wasted opportunities. Fuck.

Career is another big one. I left my job for both personal and professional reasons and that shit kept me up at night. Being unemployed is definitely not a stigma but I couldn't help feeling so useless. I often wondered how things would be if I had just toughed things out.

But I guess all hope's not lost. If I hadn't gone through all this shit, I wouldn't have learned some valuable life lessons. This taught me not to be manipulated or be a pushover. That's an essential survival skill. And if I hadn't left my job, I wouldn't have been inspired to gravitate towards a more rewarding career. As for shitty relationships, meh. I'm bitter but I'll eventually get over that too. Wade once told me that no matter how bad things may feel when it comes to relationships, your brain will eventually start recovering and rationalizing things. I've always tried to take that piece of advice from him to heart. Plus, one of my friends (did I mention he's Italian and suuuuuuuuuuuuper cute? Helloooooo, nurse!) has become enamoured with me after finding out that I was a wrestling fan. Haha. So yeah, while things have been kinda shitty, they seem to be getting better. I just have to NOT focus on the time I lost but make up for it in a better and productive way.