Do you NOT know what you want?

Discussion in 'Dating & Relationships' started by Millz, Jun 25, 2010.

  1. Millz

    Millz LGB Staff Member V.I.P.

    Is there anybody out there in GF Land who doesn't know what they are looking for in a partner?

    We always see threads about what do you look for in a partner but maybe there's someone out there who hasn't even thought about it before. I'm sure deep down everybody knows what they are looking for but I know for the longest time I never even thought about it; I just reacted to what was put in front of me.


  2. idisrsly

    idisrsly I'm serious V.I.P. Lifetime

    I know exactly what you mean. For the longest time I had this man made up in my head according to what other people said would make a good man. But I've never really stopped and thought about what type of guy I would like/need to be with me, based on a more personal level, not just what is expected.

    My friends keep trying me to make a list of 10 things I want in a guy, but it's kind of hard considering the fact that there will be no physical attributes on the list. It's harder than you would think!

    Maybe you should also make a list!!! :lolL
  3. AeonFlux

    AeonFlux I am the edge!

    I have a general idea of what I want from a partner, but I try not to make a set list of attributes as far as what an ideal partner would possess. I rather go in and give someone a shot and see whether or not I like them as a whole rather than holding them up to a set of specific expectations.
  4. Grootseun

    Grootseun Registered Member

    I think there is definately things we all look for in a partner. Without it, your mind won't alert you when you see something in a person that you like. I think listing all the aspects you find attractive in a partner, is the challenge sometimes.
  5. Altanzitarron

    Altanzitarron Tamer Of The LOLzilla

    Absolutely! I have rough ideas of characteristics that would work well but Overall I have no real blue print. This isn't specific to dating, i also have no idea about a career too. Hooray for indicision, I Could end up with everything or nothing haha.
    Last edited: Jun 26, 2010
    idisrsly likes this.
  6. akefuyung

    akefuyung Registered Member

    I agree with what you said. I tried making a list of what I want in a woman. Her physiques, her attitude, her habits. I've grown to realise that I will never find someone like that. Maybe because I'm too picky. I can't really say much about it. I could be vain. But what I am doing is experimenting by casual dating. Getting to know more of the person before I set my heart on something and break it.I've made a lot of mistakes in the past. I've felt the pain of what most men felt. Rejection, being cheated on, having someone close to you stab your back. C'est la vie! But one a serious note and I say this to all people who are in love. Please take it slow and be more conservative of their feelings than yours. It will save time, money, and put divorce lawyers out of business.
  7. storm_ina_C_cup

    storm_ina_C_cup Registered Member

    lol, I made a list of what I wanted / didn't want in a partner. I had it for about 3 years before I met *The One*.

    I don't see anything remotely vain about listing what you want / don't want in a partner? ...Mind you, I'm not talking about listing anything look-wise, as I find that you're physically attracted to who you're attracted to no matter what and it's right there in your face the very moment you look at him or her.
  8. Obsessiforge

    Obsessiforge - Diderot Reborn -

    I think its a tricky question - you can talk all you want about what you're looking for, about what you think is gonna make you happy, but love is one arena in which the customer does not know what they want. ever.

    I don't think anybody really knows what they want until they've found it. the hypotheticals of your perfect man or woman become oddly irrelevant when you fall in love, don't they? Its not even that you're settling for something, its that your very definition of "perfect" just changes to what that person is.

    That's been my experience anyways.
  9. theotherone

    theotherone Registered Member

    I think that making a list of attributes for this kind of thing is more about thinking through what you are willing to put up with and what you are not. That way, you don't go into a relationship thinking "Oh this is perfect" assuming that X, Y and Z will get better over time or that they don't matter (when they really do) because, well, your hormones are doing all the thinking ;)

    For instance, if you are a non-smoker, is one of your requirements that they also be a non-smoker?

    It's those things, not "He'll be an engineer" or "She'll have a great waist-hip ratio", that I think are important to consider. Can you put up with someone who doesn't clean after themselves? Are you willing to be the cook in the relationship? Will their total lack of financial control drive you crazy?

    So, I've never known "what I want" in a partner as far as looks, career, etc goes. But it's a good exercise to sit down and think about the types of things that are deal-breakers for you so you can avoid getting into a disaster BEFORE your emotions get all involved.
  10. AnitaKnapp

    AnitaKnapp It's not me, it's you. V.I.P. Lifetime

    Well, for the most part...I don't think most people know what they want until they have gotten out there and dated, and had some sort of experience with it.

    After a failed marriage and a few failed relationships, I have a pretty good idea of what deal breakers and such are to me now. I'm pretty open to most personalities though, so the deal breaker list isn't very long.

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