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Do relationships define you?


Registered Member
Before I start I wish to bring in a quote from the film "Up in the Air":

"Start with casual acquaintances, friends of friends, folks around the office, and then you move into the people that you trust with your most intimate secrets. Your cousins, your aunts, your uncles, your brothers, your sisters, your parents and finally your husband, your wife, your boyfriend or your girlfriend. You get them into a backpack. Feel the weight of that bag. Make no mistake - your relationships are the heaviest components in your life. Do you feel the straps cutting into your shoulders? All those negotiations and arguments, and secrets and compromises. You don't need to carry all that weight. Why don't you set that bag down? Some animals were meant to carry each other, to live symbiotically for a lifetime - star crossed lovers, monogamous swans. We are not those animals. The slower we move, the faster we die. We are not swans. We're sharks."

The plot from the film as you may imagine is of a man who spends most of his time alone. He says he is surrounded by people due to travelling constantly and I can see where he is coming from but I also understand where others come from, that dying alone is a terrible way to be but I do firmly believe in the philosophy that you are born alone and you are going to die alone. Depressing? Possibly, but realism is one of my strong suits.

I do not let relationships define me. I am not someone who wants to be in a relationship and it may be that I am deeply paranoid or a mistrustful person but I just don't see the value of being with someone, it can only end one way and it will only end one way, why invest so much in that? But maybe I am far to jaded. Maybe I am to twisted but being alone just seems like a better option.

But how do you feel about this? Do you let relationships define you? Does it worry you? If you are single are you desperate you get into a relationship? If you are in one do you ever wish you weren't and you could walk away?


My biggest fear is dying single and alone.

I don't HAVE to be in a relationship, I've had long stretches of being single in my life and for the most part I was "happy". But when I do meet the right girl (and don't immediately fuck it up), I also REALLY like being in a relationship. There's just something nice about sharing a big chunk of your life with someone.


Living in Ikoria
Staff member
I fear the same pretty much, Kons. But I'm very secure in the fact that relationships don't define who I am. I think it's important to know yourself and be proud of your accomplishments whether or not you're attached to someone romantically. I think when you love yourself, you're really only then able to love someone else in that way. I think that relationships can be a part of who you are in a meaningful way, but they shouldn't actually define who you are - if that makes sense.