Divorce Letter

G

Godfearingsecular

Guest
#1
Dear Wife:
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever.
I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to
show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss
called to tell me that you quit your job today and that was the
last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't even notice
that I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal and
even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in two
minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your
soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want
sex or anything that connects us as husband and wife. Either
you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever
the case, I'm gone.

Your EX-Husband
P. S.
Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to West
Virginia together! Have a great life!

Dear Ex-Husband,
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that
you and I have been married for seven years, although a good man is a
far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because
they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't
work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the first thing
that came to mind was "You look just like a girl!" Since my mother raised
me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment.
And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me
confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years
ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the
$49.99 price tag was still on them, and I prayed that it was a coincidence
that my sister had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning. After all
of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I hit the
lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to
Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for
a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted.
My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime
from me. So take care.

Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell and Free!
P. S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was
born Carl. I hope that's not a problem