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Advice Different social background?

phurhause

Registered Member
Hi.

I always have problem with self-esteem. but lately i've been thinking more and more about my boyfriend's social background.

I'm from an ok family. my parent had to mortgage our house back home to let me finish my study; which I did and now working full time saving up money. I don't go shopping just because i want to, I only go shopping if I need to or I really want something. I even still wear some of my clothes that i bought 4 years ago ( I's not torn and still looks ok i don't see the need of throwing it away). My dad is working at home - we have a small shop at home, and my mom working in my grandmother's shop. They don't earn much but we still get by and live happily.

Now comparing to my boyfriend family.

He's from a rich family. He go shopping once a week for new clothes, shoe, or whatever he want. He's finishing his study and going to help out his family when he does. His father owns a real estate business and his mother is a full time housewife. It's so easy for him to spend money and when he does goes on vacation its always somewhere far away which at least once a year (I haven't even been on holiday for 2 years now).

I've been thinking. what will his parent think of me when we do meet each other, i mean i know i don't ask him for money and stuff. I pay for all my stuff by myself since i earn more than him ( i even pay for him sometimes and he rarely pay for me).

Our lifestyle is also abit different. When he goes out, he has to look good. As for me as long as i'm presentable its ok ( neat tops and jeans, simple dress sometimes).

When I cook for him, he always want more meat. MEAT MEAT MEAT which piss me off sometimes, like when i cook fried rice for him. its more like im stir frying meat with a little bit of rice. very hard for him to eat his veggies too. I mean i dont mind eating just soup and rice or something simple, but for him it has to be full of meat and other stuff.

He never feel difficulties in his life, not knowing how does it feel when you don't have money at all and have to get by by eating instant noodle. Not knowing how does it feel when you want to continue your study but have no money for that (my parent ask me to continue but i know we're economically not able to, so i decided to work and pay for my own tuition when i have money).

He rarely complaint about my stuff that i own though (sometimes complaint how my car needs to be changed since its old and full of hail damage, but i just simply don't have enough money to buy a new one atm), just that sometimes he like to brags about his father company, or the branded stuff his sister and mom have which puts me down alot.
I have not much money to live a luxury life, makes me think again wow, we're so different why is he so rich? how did i manage to be with him?.

But he's a very nice guy. He's very kind to me, and i like him alot. Just that this lifestyle difference that bothers me alot.

Sorry long post, advice please.
 

BigBob

Registered Member
It's an old, generic saying.. but opposites attract. If you guys had a lot in common, sometimes that is what can cause relationships to get stale, fast. Why? Because you have nothing for you, or it gives you the chance to teach each other something new. Going into a relationship where you are the same, coming from the same background, what do you really have to talk about that would be interesting?

As long as you love each other, a better question is.. who cares what his parents think? They don't control your relationship.
 

ysabel

/ˈɪzəˌbɛl/ pink 5
How long have you been dating? I think in the beginning, everything will be ok because he is kind to you and you like him a lot. But if you don't talk about how you feel put down by his bragging (whether intentional or not) or how you feel your lifestyle is different, these things might come back later on in the relationship and cause trouble for you. Since things are cute in the beginning of the relationship, we often don't want to rock it with "little concerns" - but these concerns become more important later on when you have nothing else to talk about except reality. You should talk to him honestly about how you feel and maybe he will be more sensitive when it comes to talking about things he didn't know could offend you. At the same time he would be able to assure you about your possible fears of being unaccepted or regarded strangely by his entourage, given that you come from a different background. It could be good for both of you and you might learn from each other. Good luck.
 

Hilander

Free Spirit
Staff member
V.I.P.
If you get along I don't see the difference in background being a big problem. You say he is kind and very nice to you. His personality probably reflects his parents personality so I wouldn't worry about meeting them. Chances are they are just as nice as he is. Maybe they know about you and are just as worried you won't like them.

If some of the things he says bother you and make you feel put down you might should talk to him about it. Honesty is a big part of a relationship.
 

Alta

Registered Member
If you two care about one another enough, coming from different social backgrounds shouldn't be a problem in today's world. You might have difficulty adjusting to his lifestyle, and him to yours, but you should still get along.

As for his parents, I'm sure they're fine. If he likes you then I'm sure they will like you as well. Even if they don't it doesn't matter what they think. As long as you two are happy together, nothing else should matter.
 

Dark_Phoenix

Registered Member
Why would you have problems with self-esteem? Coming from a poor background is not something to be ashamed of. You finished your studies, now you work - it's not like you were sitting there waiting for a rich guy to come and rescue you, and deal with all of your problems in life. You got to work hard. And it's him who got it all because of his rich family.

I am way more concerned if you're going to be happy with him in the long term than whether or not his family will approve of you. You say he is a kind guy and treats you well but at the same time he spends too much money on stuff he doesn't really need and some of his habits already annoy you. What do the two of you actually have in common, besides being in love?
 
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