Despite All Her Rage

Discussion in 'Art & Creative' started by Merc, Jun 24, 2009.

  1. Merc

    Merc Certified Shitlord V.I.P. Lifetime

    *Language and some violence lay ahead, thou hast been warned!*[FONT=&quot]

    The intention of this first chapter is to be fast paced and a bit unclear. It's all about throwing the reader right into the fray but the next chapter will focus in on a main character so do not fret!





    Despite All Her Rage
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    [FONT=&quot]“Go ahead, just try me!” Dan shouted, waving his nine millimeter like a child with a toy.[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot] “Take it easy, we’re all trying to survive here, we don’t need this madness” replied David, his slender profile half hidden in the fading light of the hallway.[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot] Dan, the portly man with the brown suspenders pointed the gun shakily at David who had taken a few steps forward but was now quickly retracing them.[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot] “You guys want to open the door, I know you do, I heard you talking about it last night,” Dan spat out.[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot] David swallowed hard, staring harshly into the concrete floor. He looked up at Claire and Alison, both of whom helped hatch the plan of breaking down the door and leaving the shelter once and for all. [/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot] “We’ve been down here for seven years Dan, we need to get out, we need to find help!” David’s voice boomed. [/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot] He couldn’t take it anymore. [/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot] “Dan, you don’t have to come, lock us out for all I care but let us leave!” David pleaded.[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot] Dan’s pudgy fingers dripped with sweat from his arms as he let the gun dangle lightly downwards, seemingly pondering his options.[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot] “Dan,” David started towards him slowly. “It happened seven years ago, we hid and waited just like we were told to, now it’s time to go. We received that message, remember? Remember the tube that got dropped down the chute? It was hidden within a tree above us as an emergency in case we needed to leave. You convinced us it was wrong and now we have been hearing voices outside for days now. It’s driving me crazy and I don’t know about Claire or Alison, but I’m pretty sure they can’t take it either knowing that there are people outside while we stay bundled up down here eating the last bits of dry food in stock!”[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot] “Listen, I know what it sounds like but I’m telling you,” Dan’s face twisted into an infantile frown. “Those voices you’re hearing are not real. They’re side effects of the medication we’ve been taking.”[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot] “Those are anti-depressants! They’re there to stop us from doing crazy shit like you’re doing now! Maybe if you had followed instructions and taken a couple every few days, you wouldn’t be having a psychotic breakdown! – “[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot] “Stop it! The both of you, just fucking stop it!” Claire interrupted David, her English accent lacing over the rude words.[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot] Claire stepped into the dim light of the hallway, her emaciated frame revealed. Dan hadn’t seen her in a few months; he had been cooped up in the front room with his books trying to keep busy and away from everybody else. Her once shining dark hair had been reduced to a dull shade of coal almost like pavement. Her skin remained as pale as the day they entered the Vault[/FONT]
    [FONT=&quot] “Claire . . . what happened?” Dan said, sweat continuing to drip from his balding head.[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot] “Time, Dan, time. How thick can you get? You think we’ve got enough food to last us much longer? We told you in January that we were running low. The food stock was only meant for five years you fucking moron,” Claire berated.[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot] “Okay, okay let’s just calm down. Dan, you’re not going to shoot anybody, I know you won’t –“[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot] BAM![/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot] David fell to ground with an unpleasant squish, the pieces from his head splattering against the back wall. Claire and Alison both looked like deer caught in headlights, their eyelids permanently peeled back and their mouths immobile. Dan’s eyes welled with tears as he pointed the gun at Claire.[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot] “You think I like being here?” He choked on mucous, trying to maintain the steadiness of the pistol that seemed to be slipping from his grip. “You think I enjoy eating this garbage? All I know is seven years ago we were told to enter this underground vault if Process 244 was ever compromised and it was. It was released into the air and that’s when we fled because we knew what it could do. We were the brains behind it, the big guys at the top of the company didn’t care about us surviving, and we were assets to them! It was about protecting their potential cure for the bug we helped create. I got kicked around all the time by those suits and I can’t even keep control of a few goddamned scientists with their panties bunched up. We can’t leave until a cure is produced and if you open the doorway, you may let the virus in and then we’ll be completely screwed.”[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot] “Dan, if you don’t let us leave, we’ll die of starvation first. We need to take a chance here,” Claire shot back.[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot] “Excuse me missy, but if you forgot the first time we opened that vault door two years ago, let me refresh your memory. Some deranged lunatic broke through the airlock chamber, tore the door off it’s hinges and ripped Paul in half like a goddamned sandwich. We still have his body, want me to pull it out of the freezer to show you? It took us six shots from the most powerful tranquilizers in the medical kit to put that guy down. Now who is to say that that is not a possible side effect of 244? We knew it caused aggression and muscle growth, but mental instability? Rage? You know, if that airlock wasn’t damaged, I wouldn’t give a damn,” Dan proclaimed. “But thanks to you two and your scheming, we’ve lost that possibility. Now the last locked door is that vault door. It’s the last barrier between us and whatever is left of the world out there. Now David is dead, what do you really think we should do?”[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot] Claire’s eyes narrowed as she took a glance at Alison, giving her a look of suspicion. Neither of them took Dan to be a violent man, let alone one overdosing on common sense. Alison gave a returning stare, her delicate blond features marred by time.[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot] “Don’t blame us for David you bloody psychopath,” Claire spoke through gritted teeth. “You shot him because you’re afraid to die. You just want to sit down here and read until your bloody head falls off. When it came time to restock on food last year, the only one who wanted to draw straws was you. The three of us were willing to go outside because of how bad things had gotten down here. But you stopped us and we’ve been living off of minimal food for too long. It’s a miracle we haven’t died of any diseases or malnutrition yet. So sorry Dan, but fuck off, I want to go outside!” Claire yelled, charging Dan. [/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot] BAM BAM![/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot] The gun went off twice, missing Claire who had only been a few feet away. She punched Dan square and the face, breaking something in his face as she rolled over in pain, holding her hand gingerly. Dan whimpered as Claire struggled to get up.[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot] “Ali, get the gun . . . Ali, get the gun!” Claire commanded.[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot] A soft gurgling came from behind her and as Claire turned, she saw Alison on the ground, blood slipping from her mouth, two clean bullet holes in the chest. Claire shot back at Dan and scowled.[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot] “Why in the bloody fuck did you shoot her? She didn’t do anything!” [/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot] She stood up, looming over the crying, fat man on the ground attempting to stop the bleeding from his nose. Claire limped over to the nine millimeter, her ears still ringing from the gunshots and picked up the firearm. [/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot] “Now I’m not going to ask you,” Claire said. “I’m going to tell you. I’m leaving and since you’re so convinced I’m going to die, I’m taking you with me.”[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot] BAM.[/FONT]



    [FONT=&quot]The sky was a deep shade of velvet as a grinding noise of steel gears rang through the hillsides. The forest did not respond, no birds took flight and no animals fled, all remained still spare the plants caught in the light breeze of the evening winds. A large hole opened up on the side of the mountain, revealing a metal door at least twenty feet wide that slowly pulled apart from all directions, revealing a spot of light at the end of a long tunnel. The winds died down and the echoes of footsteps parading down the mechanical hallway could be heard throughout the valley.[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot] A small figure emerged, clutching a pistol and a bloody shirtsleeve. The figure stared up into the star-ridden sky and breathed a deep breath, the first gulp of fresh air in years. The portly man stepped away from the door as it sealed itself one last time. Dan walked back towards the door and pressed a small button disguised as a rust spot, revealing a control panel. He punched in several numbers and a second door sealed itself over the first one and with a strange pounding noise, became silent.[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot] Dan removed a small device the size of a credit card and only slightly thicker from his pocket and pressed a red button.[/FONT]

    [FONT=&quot] “Audio log 7-112, nighttime, April 2012. I’ve left the vault, this time for good.”[/FONT]
     
    Last edited: Jun 24, 2009

  2. AwkwardlyYours

    AwkwardlyYours Registered Member

    I like what I'm reading! :D Only slightly minor suggestions:

    [FONT=&quot]
    Face is used twice here, and it makes it semi-awkward.



    But otherwise, I really like it. I'm excited to see the second chapter!
     
  3. Merc

    Merc Certified Shitlord V.I.P. Lifetime

    Yeah my bad. I wrote it in about an hour while sitting here at my work desk. I'll be putting chapter two up later today.

    Thanks for the feedback!
     
  4. AnitaKnapp

    AnitaKnapp It's not me, it's you. V.I.P. Lifetime

    I liked it too. I'm wondering how the hell Dan made it out of there when Claire was the one with the gun. Can't wait to find out.


    Since the story was immediately thrown into the action, it was confusing with the guy's names being Dan and David. The only thing I would suggest is making them a bit more different. I kept getting confused as to which guy was which.
     
    Millz likes this.

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