Confronting a lie with a lie

ysabel

/ˈɪzəˌbɛl/ pink 5
#1
Is it hypocritical to confront a lie with a lie or is it an accepted method given circumstances?

For example, you found out for sure that X person was lying to you about something important. But to confront X, you have to reveal how you found out about the lie. Supposing the method used in obtaining that information would make you look bad (and X angry at you, for a reason): would you lie about how you found out about it so the topic can focus on the X lie you discovered (maybe excuse your lie because X hasn't been honest to you either)? would you tell the truth about how you found out about it, nevermind if you look bad or X gets angry because well, bottomline X lied to you so it doesn't matter anymore?

How would you handle it?
 
#2
I think a classic example of this is secretly reading someone's diary and coming across something you need to confront them about.

Personally, I don't think I could be angry with someone if I'd discovered they were lying to me through sneaking about myself. Most likely I just wouldn't confront them period. But if I absolutely had to then, like I said, there's no way I could pretend I was all innocent in the situation. Though I do have to admit my morals aren't 100% straight when it comes to lying, so that is why I probably wouldn't mention anything at all.

This scenario has come up a few times with my friends. Not with me involved, but I mean I've heard their stories about catching a boyfriend out but they had to read his texts in order to do that, or whatever. I don't agree with doing that at all and I'm never surprised when I hear that the boyfriend has gone mad at the invasion of privacy.
 

RJ-Cool

"Expect the unexpected"
#3
Is it hypocritical to confront a lie with a lie or is it an accepted method given circumstances?

I think it is. I also think this method is often practiced but not generally deemed acceptable despite the circumstance(s).

How would you handle it?

Chances are if you confront person X about the lie it will be denied or it will bring into question how you found out( just like you said) soooo........

In order to protect the identity of your informant and spare yourself some possible drama or more lies, I would suggest taking the indirect approach (sort of like a sneak attack)...........
- ask questions that will steer person X in a position where he/she becomes so vulnerable to the point where the lie becomes irrefutable.
OR
- Build a conversation surrounding the lie without actually using it as a direct point of reference.........who knows, maybe person X might get so enthralled by the conversation that he/she exposes the lie unintentionally.

Well, those were just two of the possible ways in which I would handle it if I opt not to use a lie to confront another lie.
 

ysabel

/ˈɪzəˌbɛl/ pink 5
#4
I think a classic example of this is secretly reading someone's diary and coming across something you need to confront them about.

Personally, I don't think I could be angry with someone if I'd discovered they were lying to me through sneaking about myself. Most likely I just wouldn't confront them period. But if I absolutely had to then, like I said, there's no way I could pretend I was all innocent in the situation. Though I do have to admit my morals aren't 100% straight when it comes to lying, so that is why I probably wouldn't mention anything at all.

This scenario has come up a few times with my friends. Not with me involved, but I mean I've heard their stories about catching a boyfriend out but they had to read his texts in order to do that, or whatever. I don't agree with doing that at all and I'm never surprised when I hear that the boyfriend has gone mad at the invasion of privacy.
I just remembered another debate about whether snooping was ok. We had it a parenting forum and some say it was fine to know and be able to confront if there are issues that have to be discussed or stop bad things/decisions before they happen. It's still invasion of privacy though. I remember when my mom read my diary....

I guess some just feel more justified in snooping when something bad has been discovered ("if i didn't do that then it would have went on....") and so they don't hide it anymore when they confront the other person.
 
#5
Yeah, I don't think anything justifies invasion of privacy. Maybe I hold it in too high regard and I do understand the "if I didn't do that then it would have gone on" viewpoint but I still think if you feel the need to snoop around other people's things in the first place, then you must feel there is something they are hiding and should ask them about it directly. I think we should be trying more to read the subtle signs from people we care about rather than having to go behind their back and have it put right in our faces.
 

Major

4 legs good 2 legs bad
V.I.P.
#6
I value honesty above most other things, so it's definitely hypocritical, in my opinion, to confront a lie with a lie. When it comes to confronting person X, I would either be totally honest about how I obtained the information, or else I just wouldn't confront them at all. It all depends on the severity of the lie in comparison with the method used to discover the lie. Obviously you don't want to lose a good friendship over a small, insignificant lie.