Cierren la boca, abren la mente.


The Hierophant
Here I am yet again with more things to complain about. Maybe I'm just supposed to be a miserable person, or maybe I just like to complain, whatever the case, I feel like I'm doing that a lot recently.

Thanksgiving wasn't too bad. I had the day off of work and I got to spend the day with my sister, mom, and little brother. My dad woke up for dinner and we ate in basically silence. It's not like the air was thick with some kind of hesitation to talk, but it just wasn't a very talkative meal. Then dad went to work. After he got off work, he picked up my sister from the house and they both flew back to Pennsylvania to go hunting. I think I'm jealous about this because he's never really been much of a dad in my life. I wish he'd ask if I want to go hunting. I wish he would have asked at any point in my life. When I found out that he flew back with my sister, I couldn't help but vent a little. My grandparents weren't at the house this year. It's better that way. I would not have been nice to that miserable old fuck at all. Every time that he sees me at my parents house he calls me a free loading piece of shit, and says that I only come up here to do my laundry and to get a free meal.

My grandpa can go fuck himself as hard as he can. I have done absolutely nothing to that old fuck and he has some kind of grudge against me. I don't even have a guess why he's so fucking miserable to me all the time. He won't actually talk TO me, but he'll talk about me to my little sister, and she'll come tell me what he says. And I know that she's not lying about it because I've actually heard him saying this shit. I would confront him about it, but my mom is taking care of him in her own way. She's telling my little brother and sister that grandma and papap don't really love them and that they're only watching them for money. She's also making my little brother and sister call them by their first names. If he's going to talk about me like that, my mom said that she'll ruin them for both my little siblings. I can't tell you how many times I've heard him say that his only reason for living is to see my little sister graduate highschool, then when my little brother was born, it was to see him get older. I hope he actually puts the gun in his mouth and pulls the trigger. I wish that miserable old fuck would finally just die. The world would literally be a less miserable place without him in it.

My boss told me that he's going to trade Victor and my spots on our night crew so that I'm one of the main guys in charge of the frozen department and that Victor would be back on the grocery night crew. Well, Joe, my boss, is on vacation this week and his assistant is in charge. Phil, the assistant, had Victor throw the frozen load today and he had four other people helping him, while I was stuck to do four aisles on my own. Everyone else had about half of what I had to throw and face, but did I get any help? Of course not. And why is that, boys and girls? That's because I'm actually a hard worker and I get fucked because it's expected that I can throw that much while everyone else gets to fuck off for half of their shift and do whatever they please. I asked Phil why I wasn't in frozen today and he told me that I have to wait til the new schedule is out. That's so much fucking hog shit it makes me want to puke. WHen he told me that, I started seeing pixies floating around in my vision and I could tell I was about to snap. I left work early today.

I try to focus on the good things in life. but it's hard to when you can see your family falling apart, and everything at work pisses me off, and the only time that I feel happy at all is when I'm with Kaylin. But she still hasn't told her mom about us and she shush's me when her mom calls. I do the good boyfriend thing and I shut my mouth, but I keep telling her that she needs to tell her mom because it bothers me so much. But she says "We'll cross that bridge when we get to it." Makes me want to punch her in the face. I don't, but I fight the urge every single time.

Close your mouth, open your mind


Creeping On You
My mouth is closed. It's why I'm so smart. I know what you mean about the family shit, my family is pretty fucked up in that regard too. not to the same degree I suppose, but along the same lines.