Okay, so I really love to write. And currently I'm working on rounding out this main character for my new stories. I'd like some suggestions on the character. Now his profile's sort of long...ish. But if you'd please read over it and let me know what you think and what I should change? Critique is good. Character Data: Name: Jasper K. Lawrence (Jess for Short) Birthday: New Years Baby. January 1st 1990. Age: 19 Appearance: 6’2”. 184 lbs. Red, floppy (but straight), kind of greasy looking, chin-length hair. Pale white skin. Minor acne problem. Sea-green eyes with brown flecks in them. Pouty lips. Left ear pierced (always wears same 14k gold stud. Nothing fancy). Well-built arms that go unnoticed when they’re not flexed. Dark circles under eyes from lack of sleep. Callused fingers. Long legs and arms. Occupation: Student at a Community College and a Wal*Mart Cashier Income: $8.40 an hour part-time (about 28 hrs. or so a week) Class: Middle Occupation of parents: Carnies. They’ve been clowns in some traveling circus since Jess was born. He lives with his Aunt Tree (Trina, Tree for short). Family members: Carnie Parents: Terri (his mother) and Jordon (his father). Aunt Tree. Raechel (pronounced Ray-shell), his cousin. Louis, his cousin. Education: High school graduate (Average grades throughout high school), Currently going into Sophomore year at Northampton Community College working toward an Associate’s Degree in Liberal Arts. Place of residence: Aunt Tree’s house in Kunkletown, Pennsylvania. Place of birth (if different): In his parents’ RV on some unknown road in Idaho. Religion: Agnostic for the pure reason he doesn’t find religion so very important at this point in his life. Ethnic Background: Caucasian (He’s got Irish blood. You could say he’s so pale white that he’s glow-in-the-dark. This would be a hyperbole. But you could say it.) Hobbies: Writing, playing video games, drawing, reading, singing, making movies with his friends, playing guitar (not for the cool factor. Just for himself) Pet(s): White mouse with black spots named “Piggy”, and a pug named “Lunchbox” Talents: Very talented writer, “charming” his way into peoples’ good graces and out of trouble, drawing, speaking in front of people, faking accents Dislikes: Pie, people that don’t care about intelligence, people that don’t care about much of anything, people that whine about how sucky life is, people that say life is “short” (it’s the longest thing anyone’s ever done.), materialistic people, computer viruses. This list of dislikes could go on forever, just as anyone’s list of dislikes could. But these are the major dislikes. Eccentric Habits: Eats potato chips with chopsticks (He doesn’t like the greasy finger feeling), uses the term “madame” a lot, occasionally adopts some random foreign accent for no reason at all. Phobias: Being an adult scares the hell out of him. Favorite foods: Chicken, potatoes, and French toast. Manner of dress: Usually just cargo pants (or shorts) and a nerdy t-shirt of some old 80s or 90s cartoon, television show, or movie. (Pokémon, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, E.T., Saved by the Bell, etc.) Favorite color: Orange Sound of voice: Not too deep or high pitched. A soft voice (not quiet… but whatever you’d say is opposite of harsh or piercing) that’s soothing to the ear. Singing voice is also quite amazing. Most joke they wish he’d only ever sing instead of wasting the breath on talking. However, his voice tends to have a playful or sarcastic tone to it, majority of the time. Favorite place: His room, or the local used book store. Number of friends: Number of friendly acquaintances would be impossible to count, but number of close friends: 3 (not counting his Aunt and cousins, who he is close with). Trafton, Molly, and Keeley. (Molly and Trafton are a couple.) Drinking habits: Doesn’t drink (usually). He drinks socially when the occasion arises, but it’s rare he puts himself into a situation where drinking is involved. He’s not really a person who goes to parties. Smoking habits: Doesn’t smoke. Drug habits: Has tried pot. Didn’t like it. And as result, didn’t bother to try anything else. So he doesn’t do drugs. How does this character react under stress? Prone to panic attacks under extreme stress. But under a typical amount of stress, Jess finds some way to relax. He takes a break from whatever it is that is creating the stress and breathes deeply, breathing in slowly and deeply, and breathing out with a quiet hum (his mantra). What does this character do to celebrate? Depends on what he’s celebrating. If it’s a good grade he celebrates with a quiet “awesome” to himself. If he is celebrating winning the lottery or some such achievement, he gives hugs all around, and goes out for dinner with his family and friends. It’s all dependant on what the celebration is for. How does he express anger? His expression becomes almost emotionless. He tends to walk away from whatever angers him. Usually, he’ll argue until it seems pointless, and then he’ll storm off in another direction. Jess shouldn’t get in a car when he’s angry. Because he’s very guilty of driving like a psychotic when he’s angry. He tends to write furiously or sing “angry songs” or something healthy, but on occasion he can be reckless. How does he express pleasure? Grins like a loon. Hugs. He becomes playful when he’s pleased by something. What is his greatest secret? He’s an open book. He has only two secrets. One is that his parents are clowns. He doesn’t tell anyone because he finds it embarrassing. So he tells people they’re in jail for murdering someone a long time ago. The other, is that he’s secretly depressed because he was hoping that he would’ve been the one to take Keeley’s virginity. And someone got there first. What is his greatest desire? To find true love (whose greatest desire is NOT to find true love?), and to write a novel someday… when he feels like it. (He procrastinates.) What is his biggest fault? Caring too much, trusts others too easily, tells white lies on occasion to avoid confrontation (even though he hates people that lie) Character History from Birth to Moment in Story: When Jasper K. Lawrence was born, Jordon and Terri Lawrence were on their way to Portland, Oregon to visit old retired friends of the family. By family, of course, I mean the circus family. Two retired clowns from Wallace T. Peabody’s Cirque de Crème Brulée, Winnie and Bucky, were eager to see Jordon and Terri once more before the baby was born. However, rolling through some town near (or rather, within 100 miles of) Boise, Idaho, Terri’s water broke. Jasper K. Lawrence was a month early, but very healthy. The Lawrence family didn’t make it to Oregon on time. They sent a letter to Terri’s sister to tell her they couldn’t care for him because they were so in love with circus life that they didn’t have the time to instill morals and things like that. So, Trina Lovewell gave Jasper a home. Jasper began to speak early. By the time he was a year old he could say “Happy New Year!” and “Happy Birfday!” And he hasn’t shut up since then. Jasper made friends with Keeley on the first day of kindergarten. Keeley’s last name was McClaude, fatefully putting her at the table with Jasper, his cousin Raechel, and the smelly kid whose name the three of them had forgotten (luckily, this kid moved and they didn’t have to endure his body odor for more than the first two weeks of their academic careers). Keeley had heard Jasper’s name called during attendance and said “Jasper’s a funny name. Why’d your parents name you that?” He had heard her name called and so in turn, he asked “Keeley’s a funny name too. Maybe your parents and my parents were friends and they had a funny name book.” This made Keeley giggle and they’d been friends since. Jasper had always been the type to talk to the girls, rather than chase them, or pull their hair, or ruin their crayons. He was the charming type of kid, that everyone loved to have around. He was always finding ways to get himself into trouble, but managed to smooth talk his way out of it again. Because Raechel always called Jasper “Jess” for short, everyone in school called him Jess as well, which never bothered him. Keeley was the only one who still called him “Jasper.” To him, this had always been a special thing that bonded them, and so he never told her to call him “Jess” instead. Keeley has been Jasper’s crush for his entire life. But their friendship has prevented him from pursuing anything more than that. He secretly despises her current boyfriend, Brett, and sees no reason why anyone would date him. He’s egotistical and argumentative and just… a bastard, really. And he’s also the reason that Jasper hasn’t seen Keeley in about a month. She’s been so busy with her workload at East Stroudsburg University and having sex in her dorm with Fratboy Brett. She’s been so busy she has taken to calling him “Jess,” which shouldn’t bother him. But it really does. Now, instead of being his usual fun-loving self, Jasper is moping about the small town, Kunkletown, Pennsylvania where he lives. He goes to work at Wal*Mart in Bethlehem as a cashier for 8 hours a day, just to come home and mope some more. He sees Keeley once in a while, but always with that bastard Brett attached to her hips. Jasper has found friendship in two new college friends, Molly and Trafton. But since they are a couple, they often depress Jasper, despite their friendly advice and trying to help. Typical Day in the Life of Jasper K. Lawrence: Since classes have ended for the summer, Jasper’s typical week consists of at least 4 work days. On said work days, he gets up, pulls on khaki cargo pants and a navy blue shirt, grabs his Wal*Mart name tag, tries to comb his hair, fails, and then gets into his black ’97 Plymouth Neon and drives the 45 minutes to Wal*Mart. He puts on that fake interested air, walks into Wal*Mart and talks briefly with the greeter, Alix (a 57 year old gay man who constantly talks about he greets better than ANYONE else… “Evar!”), before climbing the steps to the break room, Deana’s (personnel) office, and the lockers. He stuffs his lunchbox into the fridge, clocks in, and walks back to the front of the store, where either Jes, Suzy, Carolyn, Tina, Christina, or Ezekial will tell him which register is his for the day. It’s always either 9 (the cigarette aisle) or 1 (the 12 items or less aisle with the broken card reader). He stands there pretending to be thrilled that he works at Wal*Mart for 2 hours between his 15 minute breaks and 1 hour for lunch. Then he goes back home and rehashes the experience to his Aunt Tree. Aunt Tree always asks why he’s boring. He tells her he doesn’t know and goes to his room. Where he plays World of Warcraft for an hour or so before getting bored. Then he reads or listens to the mixed CD that Keeley gave him for his 16th birthday (which has her introducing each song like a radio DJ, only personalized just for him). He eventually falls asleep for an hour before waking up and doing the same thing again. Unless of course it is one of his days off. On a day off, he tries to find time to hang out with Molly and Trafton or even Keeley if she’s not busy with Brett the Douchebag. Usually, he ends up beating his cousin, Louis in some video game or another, or helping Raechel and Aunt Tree in the garden if the weather is nice enough. He likes to relax on his days off. Go see a movie or something.