[Channel 88] BREAKING NEWS: Politicians lie

Discussion in 'Politics & Law' started by Merc, Jan 7, 2010.

  1. Merc

    Merc Certified Shitlord V.I.P. Lifetime

    BREAKING: Study Finds That 103.4% of Politicians are Liars

    1/6/2010 9:21 AM

    By Marcus Scribbletits

    Washington, D.C. - A light mist is in the morning air accompanied by a thick tension that has Washington on the verge of collapse this morning as a damning new statistic has emerged from the Totally Legit Scientific Place Where Things Are Studied (TLSPWTAS) that calls out all politicians in the USA. Amidst fears that our current President, Sammy Hagar, has failed to come through on his campaign promises and changed his stance on several issues he promised to solve such as the "Why is there no music on MTV anymore?" Amendment and "Let's bring back cocktail umbrellas" initiative.

    Critics of Hagar, a predominantly republican crowd, pushed the TLSPWTAS to turn their wise eyes on Washington to prove how many left wing politicians are habitual liars. However, the results returned showed that not only are democrats pathological liars, but that republicans are as well. The reported numbers are as follows according to "truth testing" conducted by TLSPWTAS scientists:

    Democrats: 100% failed
    Republicans: 100% failed
    Newt Gingrich: Failed
    The Grinch: Heart was three sizes too small

    "The TLSPWTAS is obviously in the pocket of the liberals, why else would they call us liars?" Says Stan Blowcrotch, a conservative republican Senator from Bumfield, Texas. "When we asked them to conduct a research study, they misunderstood our instructions. We wanted to know how many liberals and lefties were liars, not my fellow patriots."

    "The simple truth is, republicans are doody heads," says Laura Tittyskittles, a dirty commie from some fag city in the northeast.

    The TLSPWTAS was less than amused by the outrage from both sides of the political spectrum.

    "We're a scientific community, we created a test and simulated real life situations to evaluate our subjects and it was quite obvious that regardless of political affiliation, every single politician in the US is to put it in street terms, completely full of shit," says Gary Piddle, lead researcher at the TLSPWTAS.

    Whether or not the numbers are reliable is up for discussion but Americans are wide-eyed with amazement this morning as the news broke.

    "I couldn't believe it, I always knew that people were never 100% honest all the time, but I would have never expected it from a politician," said a dumb shit on a street corner holding an iPod.

    "Typical liberal spew," said a grumpy old man hiding in my trashcans.

    "Who the fuck is Sammy Hagar?" Responded another young lady.

    To conclude, it is clear that America now faces a crisis beyond it's wildest dreams. With a dwindling economy and poor job market, the morale of the American people has taken another hard shot to the gut. Whether or not we can recover from such a blow only time will tell but for now all we can do is hope and pressure our fellow politicians to be more honest and truthful. Most of the time.

    Channel 88 will continue to update you on this story as it unfolds.

    Our Editor would also like to assure the readers that Channel 88 News prides itself on having a neutral political affiliation. Any complaints should be sent directly to Nancy Pelosi's asshole.

    Also on Channel 88 News: Going Outdoors Exposes Your Children to Rapists

  2. CaptainObvious

    CaptainObvious Son of Liberty V.I.P.



    And the debate always becomes who's candidate is the bigger liar

    "Your candidate lied first"

    "Oh yeah? Well YOU'RE guy lied bigger"

  3. Merc

    Merc Certified Shitlord V.I.P. Lifetime

    It's just fucking annoying to hear people bitching about something that both sides are painfully guilty of.
  4. ysabel

    ysabel /ˈɪzəˌbɛl/ pink 5

    I think some people get into the business with a clean heart and they really believe they'll be one of the rare politicians to be honest. Then they learn the ropes and realise either they cannot move up without being corrupted or they find a way to justify lying for the "greater good".
    Tucker likes this.
  5. Tucker

    Tucker Lion Rampant

    I picture every new President, past, present and future, coming into the White House on the first day and just having his/her mind blown about how things really are. "No, we can't go after So-and-So; he works for us." Things like that, because national governments are that way. I'm sure reality smacks idealists who make it to Obama's lofty height in smaller ways as well; one frigid cup of water after another in the face, in fact, until a body turns prematurely grey...
  6. Merc

    Merc Certified Shitlord V.I.P. Lifetime

    So we should sympathize with every president because it's such a daunting task? That's a cop out and a joke of an excuse. If you sign up to drive a race car, nothing should surprise you when they hand you a set of keys, a fire-proof helmet, and a cross.
  7. Sim

    Sim Registered Member

    Maybe lying in politics is not so much a problem of personal character, but a systemic problem: The way the system works makes it almost impossible for a politician, no matter how decent, not to lie.

    Much like it's a systemic problem that unchecked government power tends to be abused, and such a thing as a "good king" does not exist; that's why we came up with such nice ideas like a Constitution, a separation of the branches and checks and balances in the first place. If good governance depended solely on the character of the absolute leader, we wouldn't need all that.
  8. MenInTights

    MenInTights not a plastic bag

    It seems like the game really changed starting in 1988. In 88 Gary Hart got caught with the mistress and Bush uttered the read my lips that doomed him later. I don't think pols have changed, but I think media shifted into 2nd gear around in the late 80s as full time news programs started airing. That was also the beginning of the talk radio explosion.

    Its not a bad thing by any means, I think that every promise made by every politician needs to be in their face as much as possible. They can either postpone, renig or fulfill everything they say. I don't see a problem with having those expectations.

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