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Problematic Shitlord
4/10/13 4:34 A.M. America's Hat - Waking up unusually early in the morning, Sir Daniel Melnyk felt something inside him he didn't understand. At first, he thought, it was the triple cheese burrito with Moose fur (or whatever Canadians eat) but he soon realized that this was something more.

This was not the only reaction to this momentous event. Across the globe, people have been reporting such feelings of disturbance at the very moment Merc rose from his slumber.

Miles away, Lady Lauren of Cocksvillingtonshire also awake with a start. Short of breath and unnerved, she gave us an interview among other things. When asked what woke her up so suddenly, she described the scene in her bedroom.

In the United States, CaptainObviouslyAmericanDuh looked up from his morning breakfast of whiskey and freedom and gripped his shiny new SuperDeathMurderer 5000 Assault Shooter Gun in fear. He had only a word and a glance for us.


"Big" Bob Tittywobbles also felt a sense of dread deep within in his soul as he worked on his eighth pancake with cheese sauce. He too offered us nothing but a stare.

In the UK, several people reporting loud crashing noises and screams of what they claimed were 'violent rage fits/orgasms' from the home of Miss Amy Bloodfart. When we finally managed to get her to answer the door, we were bewildered as yet again, only a physical response is what we got before she slapped us with her bewbs and slammed the door shut, mumbling something about our caricatures.

And lastly, in a hole in the ground somewhere in Florida, a Ms. Kayleigh Slutcrusher had a brief moment of heterosexual clarity of which she says, "It sounded like a great idea for a few seconds."

America will continue to attempt to pray her gay away.

EDIT: The latest reply from a Lady Jeanie Rageboob outside of Michigan when asked about Merc's arrival.

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still nobody's bitch
lawl cocksvillingtonshire
isn't your name Constantine?
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Well-Known Member
I freaking love you, man.

I wonder if Brix would change my screen name of LaurenOfCocksvillingtonshire...?


Creeping On You
Usually I skip the moose fur, it costs extra. Yesterday I splurged though.