Boyfriend/Girlfriend Question..

Discussion in 'Dating & Relationships' started by Boots4907, Jul 27, 2009.

  1. Boots4907

    Boots4907 New Member

    I've been in my current relationship for 2 1/2 years. What i'd like to know is: Do you ever question the person you're with? Like..despite how much you love them, want them, want to be with you ever wonder what things would be like if you weren't with them, or think maybe you shouldn't be with them?

  2. Vidic15

    Vidic15 No Custom Title Exists V.I.P. Lifetime

    Well, no, not really because I am happy in my current relationship, even I haven't been in it for a long time, it's two months right now and I don't really look at it like that, thinking "What IF". I mean I wanted it like this and I got it like this. I am fairly happy.
  3. ysabel

    ysabel /ˈɪzəˌbɛl/ pink 5

    In the relationships I've had, I sometimes wondered what would be like if I weren't with them. Usually, the thought scares me or makes me sad. But when I feel like things would be better or if I can wonder about it happily, then I think it's a sign to go. :lol:

    I don't really wonder whether I shouldn't be with someone I'm currently with, unless I'm seeing signs in the relationship that make me feel I should think about it (when it gets toxic, when people around me say it, etc.).
  4. EllyDicious

    EllyDicious made of AMBIGUITY V.I.P. Lifetime

    if the thought of not being with your partner scares you, then you still want him/her.
    if you just think it ... and sound to like it, it's time to let him/her go. the deviation has started lol.

    despite from that, if you feel great with the person you're with, you have no time about "what ifs"..and you don't even want to think about it.
  5. Merc

    Merc Certified Shitlord V.I.P. Lifetime

    I too have been in my current relationship for 2 1/2 years and I can tell you that this sort of thing happens. You find yourself thinking something like this once in awhile, it's just natural. It doesn't mean the relationship is bad or wrong, human beings are not natural life mating creatures (if you believe the science), it's why now that divorce is less taboo, you see it more often.

    What you should be asking yourself is how you'd feel if that person left, if you weren't able to see them again, or if you could never touch them again. Does it make you upset? Does it make you feel sad? Then you're fine. If not, then maybe you should talk with your girlfriend. See how you both feel and let her know these strange feelings. It's always better to discuss these things.

    I love my girlfriend immensely, I would hate having to see her go and I've gotten upset at the thought of it before. That doesn't mean that I haven't had thoughts, or said to myself, "What if I ended up dating [name] instead?" It doesn't mean I don't love my girlfriend or that I want to break up with her, it just means I'm curious.

    You can have all the thoughts you want, it's action that ultimately decides outcome.
  6. AnitaKnapp

    AnitaKnapp It's not me, it's you. V.I.P. Lifetime

    The "what if" thoughts are natural in a long term relationship. I was in one for 9 years and wondered that all the time. I should have taken my indifferent feelings as a sign to get out earlier. lol
  7. Italiano

    Italiano Film Elitist

    The difference is when you begin to have legitimate doubts about being with this person or questioning the direction the relationship is going in.

    Otherwise what you're feeling is simply signs of conscious curiosity. Nothing wrong with that. I do the same thing not just with relationships but with my entire life. I wonder what my life would have been like if I had made different decisions. Every human being tries to rationalize these feelings ironically when there's nothing about it to analyze.

    Take those thoughts with a grain of salt and kiss your boyfriend.
  8. Boots4907

    Boots4907 New Member

    Thank you so much 'Constantine', it was nice to get your opinion. I hate hearing people say 'Oh, I don't do that because i'm happy in my relationship' or 'if you're thinking about that, you need to get out', because neither of those are the case. But I really enjoyed reading your reply.
  9. Emmana

    Emmana Registered Member

    :nod: Questioning is healthy. People have doubts right through the taking of their vows and even after marriage, then, if you married for the right reasons and choose to develop the relationship consciously it gels and the doubts just fade away.

    I have been married to husband for 16 years now. We lived together for 5 years prior to that and i attempted to sabotage our relationship a few times. I was afraid of commitment and it took a while to work that out. Fortunately the self-sabotage techniques did not work as i am truly loved by a wonderful man.

    As far a feeling the love for them, sometimes it is difficult to find it...not that hatred takes its place or indifference, it is just that we do not remain at the passionate heights and this is appropriate. we would burn out if we attempted to maintain that beginning intensity.

    If you have a strong desire to experience other people then you should...after you end the relationship.

    Though i love the husband dearly even now there are times that i wonder "what if" but it does not go far. All relationships take work. As the husband said one morning: "Relationships are like cars, they need a lot of maintenance to continue working well." He is absolutely correct.

    If some traits of your significant other is bothering you now you may find these impossible to tolerate down the line; ditto for the your partner. Doubt is natural. Look at what you have together. Are you a team or 2 individuals who find it difficult to compromise? In the final analysis mutual respect and co-operation are the building blocks for an excellent relational foundation.
    Should you discover that the thought of the rest of your life with that person seems like a long punishing road it may be best to move on and save yourselves the trouble of a divorce and who gets the children.
  10. Mirage

    Mirage Administrator Staff Member V.I.P.

    One thing is for sure. If I was in your position I wouldn't use my real picture as my avatar, on the outside chance your boyfriend stumbles upon this site and sees that, recognizes you, reads the question and thinks to himself... what? :headscratch: Unless of course you've had this conversation together already. :lol:

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