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BIG Problem at Work and Home (need advice)


New Member
Hey everyone, I'm very new here (this is my first post), but I really need some help.

For a little background, I'm half French/English, half Native American. I was born in the US but raised in the UK, so I have a British accent, and because of my French/British heritage pale skin, but my features and hair are definitely "ethnic".

I've lived in Australia for the past 12 years, working for my Australian husband's company. Racism can be rife here, but I've never been dealt it first-hand until now. One of hubbie's new clients came over to see our trucks (we work in film/TV, and have OB and grip vehicles), and this guy was dropping the N (rhymes with Bigger) word every few minutes. I HATE that word, but kept a smile pasted on my face because hubbie really needs a job from this guy. We've done some work with the indigenous people here, filming sports events for their cable channel, and this guy just wouldn't stop calling them the N-word. Finally I couldn't help myself and said "I'm part Penobscot." With a shrug and a smile. This idiot turned to my husband and said, "Well, I guess that makes you a [N-word]-lover!!"

My jaw hit the floor. My husband? He just laughed it off, and made a comment about my "beautiful brown eyes". I had to excuse myself from the meeting, and heard their cackling all the way up the stairs to my office.

What pisses me off the most? I've had cracks aimed at me in the US, Britain, Europe, Asia, Australia...I don't care, I can't change who I am and I happen to be very proud of my
heritage. What really gets me is Hubs not only didn't stand up for me, he joined in with this a-hole's bigotry. I was so peeved I wanted to send him a very, VERY polite e-mail asking this person not to use the N-word (in response to an e-mail he sent us, AGAIN using the N-word but referring to me), but Hubs won't let me, he says it might jeopardise any potential future work we might have with this complete racist.

Do I have a right to be angry? Should I just do the "professional" thing (Hubbie's words, not mine) and laugh it off? I've never let anything get to me before like this, but I. AM. PI$$ED. And I think I'm ready to explode at the next person who makes a racist comment in my presence. Meditation isn't helping, for some reason this situation got under my skin. No matter what colour it is.

Thanks for letting me vent, everyone, and sorry this has to be my introduction to this forum. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.


Free Spirit
Staff member
I can understand completely how you feel. I'm completely white but I have had my fair share of insulting remarks made at me and I know how it can eat at you. Its bad enough the jerk says this but your husband doesn't stand up for you and agrees with him. That would be more hurtful to me than what the jerk said. Would bring up feelings of being betrayed. Yes you have every right to be angry.

I don't know what to say about people like this. They have shit for brains, they have no respect for no one that doesn't fit into their little backward world. If it makes you feel any better I have heard racist remarks come out of most races of people. I don't know what is wrong with them and doubt they will change. I think racism infests the world, no country is immune from it.

If you are like me you probably would like to tell him to kiss off but if he is detrimental to your livelihood you really can't say anything unless you and your husband end your relationship with him. He may not think anything about what he says to you but if you say something to him he will get mad. That is how those types are they can dish it out but can't take it.

Plus if he has much pull he could make it hard for you to get other jobs. Then again he may not be that well liked just tolerated. People like that are often just tolerated by those around them. You can't let this eat at you though because you are the one it will end up hurting the most.

If your future didn't depend on this guy I would tell him where he could get off at even if it pissed my husband off.

Edit: Forgot to welcome you to the forum, Welcome.
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Registered Member
Husband needs to know you expect him to not accept the word as well. If he encounters it going forward, he should politely tell anyone, client or not, it is offensive. In this case, it's over and done. You've made yourself clear.