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"Betrayal"

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dias2525

Guest
Betrayal

Darkness, I am thrown into by false trust
my body becomes frozen in place
Betrayed by the light of my hope
That person who warmed my soul

They now leave me bleeding
the breath they were is gone
my heart in need of bandages
as my joy is choked by their harms

The others gather to ask
why I am at a tear's edge
cause of the one I cherished
all my smiles are dead

Why did it end this way
why wasn't it just a dream
It had all been perfect in the beginning
I don't want this harsh reality

Please wake me up, tell me it's a lie
I don't want you to hate me
the truth I want to sleep well
Knowing you still love me
 

Pugz

Ms. Malone
V.I.P.
.....Ok, that hit a personal spot with me...a very teary one. As usual, well written and deep! Nice one!
 
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lilbballfrk

Guest
i loved it. great work. i can feel the emotion in it. as pugz said, it was deep. it really tells you how it feels.
 
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dias2525

Guest
I don't know if you guys noticed but it had an order. abab cdcd efef ect. But instead of rhyming those lines I made them into antanomyns. Like fire then ice. Or dream then reality. Catch it now?
 
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Sorayoushi

Guest
Sorry for not notiving this but it does have the effect of antonyms. The words flowed smoothly, just what a poem needs. Great poem.
 
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lilbballfrk

Guest
dias2525 said:
I don't know if you guys noticed but it had an order. abab cdcd efef ect. But instead of rhyming those lines I made them into antanomyns. Like fire then ice. Or dream then reality. Catch it now?
i still don't see the order.. >.<
 
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dias2525

Guest
ok here's an example from the poem:
Darkness, I am thrown into by false trust A
my body becomes frozen in place B
Betrayed by the light of my hope A
That person who warmed my soul B


Lines A: Darkness - light Betrayed - trust
LInes B: body - soul frozen - warmed

get it now? the oppisites are in abab scheme. Something I just came up with.
 
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