Being interested vs Being jealous

Discussion in 'Dating & Relationships' started by ysabel, May 27, 2010.

  1. ysabel

    ysabel /ˈɪzəˌbɛl/ pink 5

    My friend and I are having a conversation right now about her husband who used to be jealous but now doesn't care. Whether it's good or bad, yadda yadda. I wouldn't want a jealous partner but I'd appreciate at least a sign of interest. I think that the two are often interchanged.

    For example, I know someone who was accused of being the jealous guy just because he'd always ask his partner "what are you doing now?" (phone or text) or "who are you with?". He told me he's not being suspicious or whatever. He's just interested to know what his significant other was doing. At the start of the relationship, it's often even regarded as concern (oh how sweet, he's asking about my day). Funny how later in the relationship, it could be interpreted as "he doesn't trust me". :lol:

    My ex prides himself in not being a jealous guy, but I think he overdoes it to the point of not even asking where I'm going or who I'm hanging out with. The disinterest in my activities turns me off. Some say they'd want to have that type of partner because theirs won't even allow them to go out. But I just feel like if you can do anything with anyone (you prolly can even be dating 4 other guys and your partner is still clueless because he doesn't care what's happening to you) then what good is that?
     

  2. Kibi

    Kibi Babeasaurus Sex

    I deffinately like a level of interest otherwise I start acting like I'm misbehaving in order to get the interest levels up. I don't like jealousy or posessiveness to extremes but I think a little bit is deffinately healthy in a relationship.
     
  3. Millz

    Millz LGB Staff Member V.I.P.

    Just like almost everything else (so it seems) there needs to be a happy median...something in the middle.

    Being too jealous is obviously a turn off but not caring what I'm up too sucks just as much. I think as long as its not at one extreme it'll work out okay but its easier said then done.
     
  4. ysabel

    ysabel /ˈɪzəˌbɛl/ pink 5

    That's what my friend is thinking of doing right now. She's trying to make her husband "jealous".
     
  5. Kibi

    Kibi Babeasaurus Sex


    Ahh tell her to be careful playing games though she may find that he has reasons for not seeming interested that she might no be prepared to find out about.

    I did it twice and to be honest all I learned was that a) I was childish and b) that he wasn't pleasant when he did care....

    My fault I guess I did push it.
     
  6. AngelsPeak

    AngelsPeak Wanna play?

    Umm, yeah. That pretty much sums up my last relationship. I was young and wanted to be taken care of. How incredibly sweet to find someone who cared enough to tell me how to act around his family and friends, if something I was wearing didn't look quite right, and to call and find out where I happened to be if I wasn't home on time.
    Obviously, it turned into quite a bit of resentment on my part, and he went along thinking everything was fine because I put up with it.
    Now that I'm out of that situation I can look back and see that sometimes what we think we want turns out to be what we don't need at all. I was perfectly capable of putting a sentence together on my own (pretty good at it too most times) picking out my own clothes, and I deserve my own space.

    The nice thing is, life does go on and we can learn from our mistakes.:nod:
     
  7. AnitaKnapp

    AnitaKnapp It's not me, it's you. V.I.P. Lifetime

    I like a little jealousy, myself. Not to the point of controlling what I do, what I wear, or where I go and such...but a little jealousy is nice. Disinterest just seems like they could do with or without you, doesn't really matter. Jealousy at least shows that they're afraid to lose you to someone else.
     
    EllyDicious likes this.
  8. idisrsly

    idisrsly I'm serious V.I.P. Lifetime

    A little bit of jealousy is encouraged. But definitely not too much. In fact, it should just be interest in your SO's life and happenings, nothing like jealousy about who you see and what you do. I think if I had to choose between the two extremes, an extremely jealous guy or one that does not appear to be jealous/interested at all, I would choose the latter.

    I am not the jealous type at all when I am in a relationship. I reckon if the guy is with me, it's because he wants to be and if at any time he does not want to be with me anymore, he should piss off, really!

    My ex, who I am still great friends with, was chatting with his ex at the time we were dating once over the phone while I was holding on for him on his other phone. He came back and apologized and said he was talking to his ex, I said that it was "fine". He flipped his lid because I did not care that he speaks to his ex!! I mean, seriously, am I supposed to tell him he is not allowed to ever speak to her again? I can't be bothered to play games!
     
  9. Rebeccaaa

    Rebeccaaa yellow 4!

    I prefer someone to show they're interested in ways other than asking who I'm with or other specifics of plans. Obviously it means nothing if the question is thrown out there once in a while, but asking every single time I'm out is too much.

    Though, asking where I'm going or what I'm up to is completely normal to me. I always ask people what they're doing because I'm interested and it never occurred to me that it could be seen as a jealously thing. Not that this applies to me since I ask friends + family etc.

    I do agree with Knapp though, a little jealousy is good for showing they don't want to lose you.
     
  10. EllyDicious

    EllyDicious made of AMBIGUITY V.I.P. Lifetime

    I don't know yet if jealousy is good or bad.
    As a person, I'm a bit jealous about everyone....for everything and sometimes it seems like I want everything/everyone to belong to me. But I never show it/never have shown it.

    But I can say that I like attention and people being interested in me[whether they are friends/relatives] so that's what I'd expect from my partner, as well.
    I'd hate it to be the only one in the relationship, asking where he was/with who/why.
    Anita said it all perfectly.
    A little jealousy is nice and shows interest and fear of losing you.

    I don't know if too much jealousy is good/bad, yet. All I know is that too much/too little of everything is not good lol. The middle is what it should be.
    But I'm generalizing here.
     
    Last edited: May 27, 2010

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