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Discuss Being Alone vs Being Lonely

sunrise

aka ginger warlock
V.I.P.
I was talking with a friend of mine over the weekend and the discussion of living alone came up. She asked me how long I have lived on my own for and if my maths is correct it is around six years. I do get lonely from time to time, right now I am going through some work things where I am not in work and am worried I will go crazy looking at my walls but on the whole I like living alone. I really do not see being alone automatically signifying being lonely and yet so many people I have met over the years assume that if you are alone you are lonely.

It's the same if you are single, some people do sometimes say "oh it's okay, it will happen" or "there are plenty of people out there" and it's like "er hello, what if I enjoy not being with someone?", would like to be with someone yes I would and would I like to be with someone that I could make love to again yes however I have found that in the past relationships can be very damaging and if they go wrong can hurt you for the rest of your days, why go through that?

Does anyone agree or disagree on this?
 

Hilander

Free Spirit
Staff member
V.I.P.
I think some people can be alone and not be lonely. They enjoy the solitude and not having the hassle of having to deal with someone elses problems or just that person in general.

On the other hand I think you can be surrounded by people and still be lonely if they have nothing in common with you, there's no interaction between you or if you don't really get along with them.
 

wolfheart

Registered Member
I have only lived alone for a short time, I moved out of my ex's house into a little bedsit, it was the worst time I have had, for one reason only, I was lonely because my kids were not there.
I think that now I would be ok with living alone again as the kids are older and I feel more comfortable within myself.

As for being single and lonely, I have been on my own for six years and apart from the very odd day I have never felt lonely, would I like to be in relationship again,yes I would but it's not something I will rush into, I got hurt badly when my last relationship broke down.

It has taken a long time for me to get into the right mind set to even consider another relationship seriously,but in all the years I have been alone I have never felt truly lonely.
Of course I miss being intimate with someone, having someone to cuddle and stuff like that, but I have never thought of it as loneliness,I thought of it as more of a protection from possibly being hurt again.
 

Elanor

Registered Member
I live on my own, but rarely feel lonely. Sometimes I think it would be nice to have someone around to talk to, but really, I don't need it. I can't actually remember the last time I was at home and felt lonely.

I completely agree with what Hilander said, it is definitely possible to be surrounded by people but still feel lonely.
 

Taliesin

Registered Member
I always feel alone, even with my closest friends and family. For as long as I can remember, I've felt like there's an invisible wall between me and the rest of the world. I can interact in social situations as required, and sometimes do quite well at it, but that wall never seems to go away. There are days where I just accept it, but there are many more where it absolutely distresses me to the extreme.

I swear, I must be a therapist's wet dream. :-/
 

idisrsly

I'm serious
V.I.P.
Great topic sunrise. :)

Personally, I like being alone. Not only because I enjoy my freedom to spend my time the way I want, but also because I am a bit of a lonely soul. I enjoy just being by myself. Maybe because I've been alone for so long in my life. and I don't mind it at all. Most of the time, I don't feel lonely, even when I am alone. Most of the time, I feel content.

That said, as much as right now I would say I enjoy being alone and don't want or need anyone else around, the thought that in 5 years I may have turned bitter and lonely and then it's too late has not escaped me. I don't over think that though. What will happen will happen.

I think it helps that I don't feel lonely. I have a lot of friends and family that keep me feeling wanted. No need to feel lonely.
 

ysabel

/ˈɪzəˌbɛl/ pink 5
These two are not the same although a lot tend to put them together.

You can be with someone, or even surrrounded by people and yet still feel lonely. Alone is just a physical thing - you are one person, no one is with you. Loneliness is something you feel inside. Whether you feel a company is missing or not. You can be perfectly alone and still not feel lonely. In fact it is a good trait to find a good company in just being with yourself.
 

ATARIGUY

Beermister
I do get lonely from time to time, right now I am going through some work things where I am not in work and am worried I will go crazy looking at my walls but on the whole I like living alone. I really do not see being alone automatically signifying being lonely and yet so many people I have met over the years assume that if you are alone you are lonely.
It's going on 4 1/2 years since I've been on my own and I too get lonely while being alone has it's perks I do go crazy from time to time looking at my 4 walls but I am thankful for my computer, the internet and my doggy but I would welcome a roommate so I would have my bills lowered and a buddy to go out drinking with and a friend to hang with also friendship and companionship as well.
 
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