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Bad anniversaries

idisrsly

I'm serious
V.I.P.
How much weight do dates hold over your emotions? Do you remember bad anniversaries, ie the death of someone or the date something bad happened in your life? Do you feel any different on those dates than any other days - more sad, depressed, angry? Do you let it affect your state of mind?

And if so, what do you think you can do for those future anniversaries to turn it in to something positive?
 

Millz

Better Call Saul
Staff member
V.I.P.
There are two dates that I remember...one of which is more recent. July 14th is when my grandpa died so I'll always remember that one. He passed away in 2009. I ended up buying the house he built so needless to say I'll always have him close by.

The other date is January 16th. I won't go into details but that one is a little easier to deal with since it happened so long ago.

I use those dates to celebrate them rather than get down.
 

idisrsly

I'm serious
V.I.P.
You raised another good point. Does it get easier the more time passes by? Is it easier to not be affected by these things 5 or 10 years down the line than it is 1 or 2 years later?
 

MindoverMaster

Registered Member
I don't remember exactly when my grandmother on my Mom's side died, I was maybe 10 years old back then. I'm sure my Mom remembers it better than me.

I don't know when a lot of my friends from camp died, from cancer, or just after affects from it. I'll always keep them in my heart, though. :)
 

Rebeccaaa

yellow 4!
'Bad' anniversaries have never affected me, but then, I've only ever known a very small handful of people who have died. The one I care most about, I never got to meet. The date of their 'anniversaries' don't make me any more sad about losing them than any other day of the year. I'm not a very sentimental person and if I'm going to get sad over someone's passing it will be in my own time and not on any specific date. Don't know why, really. Because it does completely make sense, of course.
 

Millz

Better Call Saul
Staff member
V.I.P.
You raised another good point. Does it get easier the more time passes by? Is it easier to not be affected by these things 5 or 10 years down the line than it is 1 or 2 years later?
For me its gotten easier, yes. I mean with my grandpa it was a celebration of a full life. He was 87 years old. I bought his house. It's GOOD memories even though it's the anniversary of his death. I know the date because he meant a lot to me but it's I didn't get sad this year when it rolled around.

The other one, yeah, a little sadder and was a tough thing to deal with as a 12 year old kid. You don't want to hear your Mom cry; especially if you'd never heard it before. I won't go into larger detail but now days it's also a celebration...to remember. I don't get sad on that date to be honest...I just remember the date because it is important.
 
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idisrsly

I'm serious
V.I.P.
Just also to clarify, with "bad" anniversaries I don't only mean the date you lost someone. It could also be the day something/anything significant happened that you remember as a negative.
 

generalblue

Where is my Queen?
I am very bad with anniversaries and birthdays. I don't even know my parents anniversary. All I know is that I am going to get married either on a February 29th so that I don't have to worry about my anniversary for 4 years.:D
 

Dabs

Registered Member
Yes, dates are very hard on me.
Especially if they have to do with my Mother~
November 14 is the day she passed away, always hard on me, but I try and focus on doing something she and I liked doing together.
But I don't call it an anniversary date, I call it her angel day.
Mother's Day is difficult, I really loathe walking into a store and seeing all the Mother's day cards out everywhere, it hurts my heart~
And Mother's birthday, March 30 is hard too......her birthday is only 2 days before mine, so we always celebrated together, I miss that!
It has been 5 years since I lost my Mother, and altho it's still hard to deal with, time has helped in many ways.
And I have learned, that I need to concentrate on happier things for I am certain that's what my Mother would want.
It's easy for people who have not lost their Mother, or Dad, to say things like "Well, you should think of the good memories you have".......oh I do that!
And then I get more sad, because I realize, there will be no more memories made with her *sigh*
But....it has gotten better...I'm not going to say easier...because I still feel as tho I have this huge hole in my heart, I miss my Mother so much.
My Dad passed away on March 13, so it's a tough day too, but we weren't near as close as my Mother and I.
Seems I have lost every member of my family to cancer, so that's a disease I can't help but hate.
And I remember the date I was told I had cancer, but...it's not as important an issue as these other dates are to me.
But....this past Thanksgiving, did a lot as far as helping me move along.
Grieving is different for each of us, some take longer than others to get over the loss of a loved one.
But....other than losing someone to death, there are no other dates, or anniversaries, that seem to bother me!
 
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