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Sad asking for advice.. confused. dont know what too do!

albanianboy1993

New Member
Hi everyone! My name is john(secret name) and i live in michigan! I am an extremely kind person and get along with everyone that crosses my life! I am Albanian, and travel alot every year... well, i guess im also safe to say that i am also gay, which is why i am here to share my confusion and hopefully get some useful info on what too do. so basicaly my story is, i have always been interested in guys, in gradeschool i only had friends that were girls, i have always been different. i dont know if it was the way i was raised or it just naturally hit me, but, as of now, i know what i want. i havent started like chillingg with other guys until i was 16. i always thought i was bisexual, but with girls that i have hungout with, i just did not feel the butterflys that people say they feel when u like so,body. so at 17 i met a guy who would soon become my first boyfriend. it didnt last too long but i finaly had that feeling i was looking for. now i am also albanian, so i have extremely strict parents. i was out one night with my boyfriend, and apparently sombody seen me and next thing i know i get a call from my aunt. so i go to my aunts, and bassicaly she is telling me you cant be its not in our lifestyle. i explained to her that i really couldent like help it cuz its what i really want. even if i tried so hard too not want it it wouldent go away. so, now i still was seeing that guy for a few more weeks after that and i decided too end it for his protection. a few years later at the age of 20 i met sombody who i would ebd up being super close too! we always hungout befor school and just go out have a good time, id go to stay at his place a little, but then my dad questioned me, he said, why r u the only one without a girl? i just didnt say nothing. but apparently he had hired a detective to spy on my text messages and what i was doing with my phone. i felt very embarrased. he blew up after he found out about me. he threatened to kill me, he took my ohone away, he took me out of school, and i was left with nothing at all just in the house and at work which was a reateraunt we own. i have thought of suicide or running away many times, but i just couldent thinki it would be better but it never did. i am 21 now and my parents still wont let me with a phone, they track my everymove by following me, and the worst part yet, they send me to church to try to change me because they think something is ill with me or i have been possesed. so they let me start college again. and i have met sombody. il start off by saying i like him alot! he just makes me giggly and always puts a smile on my face! and i have been chilling with him super often in the parkinglot of my college befor and after classes. he is smart and handsom, and by the looks of it he likes me alot too :) i always stair into his eyes and tell him he is probibly my favorite person i known so far. so i mea were getting really close to eachother but we havent titled ourselves yet as like together. but i want too because he just gives me the feeling of a billion dollerz. i dont want to lose him just because i cant hang out because i have to live a secretive life.... so bassicaly, im asking what would be a good move to do. do i move out? do i keep living as i am right now? or do i tey to convince my family again.. which i garentee wont work out. i would move out but i have no saftynet too fall back on. i pretty much lost all my friends i have made throughout the years because of my parents. they are always trying to force to change me and my dad is bringing these girls to my house and trying to make me sleep with them thinking it would doo good. but i am not like that, im looking really just for a caring person that i like alot and that likes me alot... i know many of you dont support gay people, and believe me. i was taught to hate myself for doing what i did. and its really hitting me hard now and i am furious withmyself for being gay. but at the same time i cant change. so plz some advice...
 

Hilander

Free Spirit
Staff member
V.I.P.
You can't change what you are and its nothing to be ashamed of. Its not fair of your parents to try. They seem over the top controlling to me. I absolutely wouldn't commit suicide over it.

If you are going to stay in their house and take their money for college from the sound of your parents you will have no choice but to stop seeing guys.

If you can't stop seeing guys you should get a different job and move out. You are 21, an adult and you can make it without being under their roof. You can also finish college, maybe go part time or apply for a grant. Sure you will be poor for a while but not forever.

It doesn't matter your nationality or religious background, most don't choose being gay, it chooses you. Not everyone hates gays either. I'm not gay but I don't hate gays.

It would be easier to read your post if you used paragraphs. Just saying, not trying to pick on you.

Good luck and welcome to the forum.
 

Dr4gon

Registered Member
V.I.P.
zOOmg! Your parents sound like the Russian! Its totally cool and its normal that some people are gay and nothing can change that up. Its your life and you can only be who you are. So its your parents bad if they cant accept that.

If you have to live in their house then just pretend that you are trying to change. Its not honest but what they are doing isnt honest either.
But they will accept you more if they think there is a chance that you could find a wife someday.

The only other solution I can think is what Hilander said about getting a grant for school and moving out. Just dont let your parents mess up your life.
Good luck and welcome to the forum! :D
 
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