Asking for advice, again

Discussion in 'Advice Board' started by redsoxocd, Jun 21, 2008.

  1. redsoxocd

    redsoxocd living on the border

    Okay, so I know that I've asked for advice on here probably waay to many times. And I probably seem like a stupid teenager who over exaggerates her problems, and who whines over nothing, and who doesnt know what real problems are. And I get all that. But this time I really need help.

    Yesterday me and my dad got into a huge fight and he was literally trying to make me feel bad by bringing up old crap. And not just any old crap, but like stuff that the last time they were talked about I ended up in the hospital. Specifically last month when everything was happening with the moving and my parents. Like he threw all of that in my face yesterday. And he was telling me that he didnt care about me anymore and shit. And trying to make me feel bad because he's "the only one that's ever been there for me". And we were driving and I got really pissed and was crying and like digging my nails into my arms wanting to cut so badly. And just thinking about how much I just wanted to get home so that I could take the pills that I've been like stocking up on.

    I was scaring myself and I couldnt take it so I told him to let me out. I was kind of expecting him to stop me but he didnt. He let me off on the side of the road in mattapan (a.k.a. murderpan) at like 9:30 at night. So I got on the bus crying and a random lady let me use her phone to call my friends. So right now I'm staying at my best friends house.

    I asked her mom if I could stay until tuesday and she said that I could stay as long as I needed too. But its like I cant stay forever. I mean, I already feel bad because their like feeding me, and buying me a few pairs of clothes so that I can have stuff to wear until tuesday, and their going to bring me and pick me up from school.

    I called my dad to tell him that I was going to stay here until tuesday, so that he knows that i'm safe and stuff, and he like flipped out on me. Telling me that I needed to ask and that I'm not grown and all this other crap. And that just pissed me off again. And I called him back and left a message asking him why all of a sudden he cares when he didnt last night. And telling him that he makes me feel like crap and how I cant deal that way. And he didnt call back.

    And its like, I cant go home tuesday. For my own mental safety I cant. I cant go to my stepmoms because she doesnt want me. And I cant go to my biomoms because my dad would probably call the cops. I called my case manager and she told me that we can try to figure out something on monday when I meet with her, and tuesday when I meet with my therapist.

    but I just cant go home, and I dont know what to do.
     

  2. Merc

    Merc Certified Shitlord V.I.P. Lifetime

    You need to have your dad come into therapy sessions with you then because he either has no idea what he's doing to your mental health or he does and thinks it's going to work eventually (the whole verbally beating you down thing) in which case, I'm sorry to say, he shouldn't be allowed to be your father anymore.
     
  3. FBrown89

    FBrown89 Registered Member

    Call the police? Honestly, don't know. I went through the same shit way back when, but my parents were always scared of me so I didn't have the exact same problems you did. Best thing I can tell you to do, police, or social services or some shit. Best of luck to you though.
     
  4. redsoxocd

    redsoxocd living on the border

    he knows what he is doing, my therapist, and the people from when i went into the hospital, have talked to him about stuff like this. And he just doesnt care.
     
  5. Merc

    Merc Certified Shitlord V.I.P. Lifetime

    Then sorry, you need to leave. Do you have any relatives or generally good people willing to give you a room for the time being? I know you're 16 and probably not ready to go out on your own, but I would seriously consider moving away. It may seem like a harsh suggestion that may hurt to think about (or maybe it doesn't) but he's not someone you need in your life. Someone who drives you to suicide and then doesn't care should be deemed a murderer.

    You need to find a new, supportive environment. However, you need to your best to phase him out. Don't let his words hit you so hard. Shield your heart and mind and don't let him just rip you apart.
     
  6. Bananas

    Bananas Endangered Species

    Write him a letter, expressing all of your concerns. Write it tonight, reread it tomorrow morning and again in the evening, reread it on Tuesday, make amendments every time you read it. On Tuesday give the letter to your father and ask him to read it, go for a walk, make yourself busy give him a half-hour so the words sink and ask him to reply in words.

    The reason I say to write letter is simple yet often overlooked;

    When you speak to someone you speak your mind, you say the there and now and give little thought to what you are saying other than to get your point across, we think little of how those words are actually perceived. It sounds like your father is especially guilty of this trait as might you be.

    Communication is about being understood, it is a skill that very few people have. Think back to the last conversation you had(with anybody) re-run your words through your head, write down the dialogue if it helps and then imagine your words being spoken back to you, so that you are the recipient of your expression.

    A conversation is like a game of Chinese whispers; you think it, you say it, they hear it, they evaluate it and then they respond with the same process. What you think and what they evaluate should be the same but it rarely is, it is how arguments and misunderstandings develop.

    The human mind is not quick enough or clever enough to calculate conversation properly, at least with the written word you can express yourself in the way you intend to be understood. You say what you want them to hear and you make sure they hear what you are thinking in the way it was supposed to be thought.

    By reading and rereading the letter you can be sure that it includes what you want the recipient to acknowledge. Give the letter to your friend, or your friends parents(who is looking after you) and see how they interpret it, is it the message that you want/need to tell your father?

    If you express yourself correctly your father can only do the same and he might think twice and hear his words before saying them. I would even suggest that before he speaks to you or you to him that you get him to give you a written reply to your letter with his thoughts, so that you can hear what he really thinks and not just what he is saying.(two very different entities as explained before).

    I'd also recommend that all future confrontations you have with him, to take them with a pinch of salt and a thickened skin, let his words pass straight through you as if they were never said and have no meaning or substance. Sometimes it is hard not to react but most of the time it is best not to react.

    I hope it works out for you and your father.
     
    AeonFlux likes this.
  7. Aella

    Aella Registered Member

    In my eyes you are a young adult, it's time to start looking out for number 1.
    Ask your friends mum or talk to your social worker about an alternate place to live. You need to get away from the environment you are in with your father, mental abuse can be just as if not more damaging than physical abuse.
    Your friend and her parents have shown you that they care by taking you in, your not alone.
    Best of luck with your future, focus on yourself, your dad can only hurt you if you let him, he doesn't deserve to call himself your father.
     
  8. redsoxocd

    redsoxocd living on the border

    Looks like I may be staying with my friend for a while. I finally got to talk to my therapist today about everything that has happened, and he assured my that he is not going to put me in the hopsital or an a.r.t. I also asked him not to call dss because they've opened 12 cases about me since 1993, with the last one being closed in may, and they dont seem to be much help.

    He also called my dad, and yeah my dad is pretty pissed still. but he agreed to let me stay at my friends house, so at least now he like cant have me listed as a run away. And I have to meet with him and my therapist on monday. Which I dont see what meeting is going to do. We've had to do this so many times and nothing changes. There's no point in it anymore. The last time that we were supposed to have a meeting like this he didnt even show up. I mean, really...whats the point.

    But yeah...
     
  9. Merc

    Merc Certified Shitlord V.I.P. Lifetime

    I'm sorry, but if he doesn't show up, that ends this whole predicament.

    Leave. Now.

    He's only going to drive you to suicide or serious self-destruction because he verbally abuses you then doesn't even give a shit when it comes time to help you. Stop being his punching bag, take a deep breath, and do your best to pick up your things and move on. It may hurt, but it will be so much better for you in the long run.
     
  10. redsoxocd

    redsoxocd living on the border

    dad didnt show up

    well my dad decided to just not show up to the meeting we were supposed to have today. And at this point I just really dont know what to do. I mean, what am I supposed to do?

    My friends mom says I can stay until college, but its like there's the whole problem with what if something happens and I need a legal guardian to sign something...or i dont know anything.

    At this point, I dont want anything to do with my dad. This just doesnt make sense to me. He's useless and worthless and simply a waste of space, time, and air.
     

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