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Help Ask Cham :)

The_Chameleon

Grandmaster
I am possibly the worlds most opinionated person and I pride myself in being objective and rational. While in other parts of the site I may argue in favor of an unpopular point of view, when giving advice I strive to provide a balanced perspective. I enjoy being able to help people with their personal challenges and actually derive a great deal of positive energy from doing so. I am a regular on Ask.com and have knowledge spanning a wide variety of topics from human behavior to health and just about everything in between. I encourage anyone facing a personal challenge to open up to me either here or in PM. And no, I am not leading up to promoting a book. :) My advice is free, so you have nothing to lose.



- Chameleon
 

idisrsly

I'm serious
V.I.P.
What are you credentials and experience as a counselor? Just curious.

But I will be happy to be the first to test you skills. Are there specific areas you consider yourself more knowledgeable on, like work life, romance, sickness, etc?
 

The_Chameleon

Grandmaster
What are you credentials and experience as a counselor? Just curious.

But I will be happy to be the first to test you skills. Are there specific areas you consider yourself more knowledgeable on, like work life, romance, sickness, etc?
I have had an exorbitant amount of free time in my life, much more than most people have the privilege of having, and personal study has been how I have spent a great deal of that time. I am also an acute social observer with an interest in psychology and sociology. My other interests include virtually all areas of science. Rather than specializing in a specific area I have chosen to specialize in finding connections between different schools of science and philosophy. I like to let my body of work speak for itself.


When I feel I am in over my head, I try to extrapolate/interpolate solutions to problems based on more generalized expressions of the problem, and looking at it from very different and often unorthodox points of view. Failing a plausible solution, I attempt to offer a vector for research where one could find answers offered by those with more specialized training or study. I am kind of a General Practitioner of useful knowledge, ideas, and tried and true problem solving tools. I may not always be right, but my track record on most topics is quite good. Foreign politics, geography, and history are my weak areas. Principle logic is where I shine the brightest, which applies to everything from human relationships to physics theory.


I enjoy discussing and hashing out ideas and approaches with other people and getting feedback from people with differing views, but am known for not taking criticism well. Everybody has their flaws. :) There are times I like to postulate and discuss, and times I like to battle. This thread is dedicated to the former.



- Cham
 

NewGamePlus

Registered Member
How do you stop someone who does the same hurtful thing to you over and over again disguised as "flattery / feedback / communication / motivation / etc etc etc" and nomatter what you say or how clear you make (A) what they're doing, (B) why it's wrong, and (C) how important it is that it MUST stop and stop forever and that they must work differently, they never do, and they continue to go on thinking that their intentions are just (or whatever they tell themselves in their mind to justify it)?

Also, as a condition to the answer, note that YOU CANNOT LEAVE OR GO AWAY FROM THIS PERSON. THEY INSIST ON BEING AROUND YOU AND DOING THIS TO YOU, and even if you wanted to, you HAVE to stick around because you're their only hope at ever being a decent person and eventually NOT being capable of doing this.

So basically, you are forced to both put up with AND improve the person in the long run, but as much as you can immediately as well because it's to the point where you (referring to me) cannot function unless they are improved in this very basic way, at least enough to stop hurting you (referring to me).

Also,

DISCLAIMER: THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYBODY AT THE BOARD. IT IS COMPLETELY REAL-LIFE STUFF FROM ELSEWHERE. SO DON'T BRING BOARD STUFF HERE BECAUSE IT'S NOT ANYBODY HERE THAT'S DOING IT. IT'S ACTUALLY WAY MORE IMPORTANT THAN THIS PLACE. ANYTHING PERTAINING TO HERE IS A DISTRACTION.

And that^ is how you do it. Use of a disclaimer. Now all we need is red behind it.
 

NewGamePlus

Registered Member
@The_Chameleon, get back here. I'm counting on a response for this. I know you have something to say about helping people with real insanity. I need the best advice you've got.

Don't make me mad that you won't come back, otherwise I'll start opening up my own topics giving people advice whether they want it or not.

Can I threaten you into responding???

Seriously... it's that important.
 

MenInTights

not a plastic bag
Ok let me try. What type of entertainment do they enjoy? You need to find a book or movie or tv show where a main character has this trait and shows the negative consequences of this action. Let me mull over it and think of some good choices.
 

NewGamePlus

Registered Member
Do THEY enjoy? Hmm... well, I don't know about THEM with entertainment preferences, but based on their actions, I guess they've been sheltered enough to avoid anything real, and that's the problem.

So far, the most effective teaching tool in this scenario has been episodes of South Park where they've seen over and over again how their actions (and the effects of others on their actions) have made them VERY strikingly resemble the Eric Cartman character from South Park.

You would think that would be enough to get them to change, but even after seeing the relation in the episode "Tsst", they still revert to the same crap over and over again, and all the while passing it off as good.
 

MenInTights

not a plastic bag
ok, here's something I've actually used on a child and it worked well. Next time it happens tell this person it bothers you and on Saturday you're going to treat them like they treat you. They won't care and will forget all about it. Between the time you tell them and Saturday take notes off all of the offenses word for word. Then on Saturday turn it back on them. When they get offended say this is the exact thing that you did to me Monday afternoon, Wednesday morning, etc...
 

The_Chameleon

Grandmaster
How do you stop someone who does the same hurtful thing to you over and over again disguised as "flattery / feedback / communication / motivation / etc etc etc" and nomatter what you say or how clear you make (A) what they're doing, (B) why it's wrong, and (C) how important it is that it MUST stop and stop forever and that they must work differently, they never do, and they continue to go on thinking that their intentions are just (or whatever they tell themselves in their mind to justify it)?

Also, as a condition to the answer, note that YOU CANNOT LEAVE OR GO AWAY FROM THIS PERSON. THEY INSIST ON BEING AROUND YOU AND DOING THIS TO YOU, and even if you wanted to, you HAVE to stick around because you're their only hope at ever being a decent person and eventually NOT being capable of doing this.

So basically, you are forced to both put up with AND improve the person in the long run, but as much as you can immediately as well because it's to the point where you (referring to me) cannot function unless they are improved in this very basic way, at least enough to stop hurting you (referring to me).

Also,

DISCLAIMER: THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYBODY AT THE BOARD. IT IS COMPLETELY REAL-LIFE STUFF FROM ELSEWHERE. SO DON'T BRING BOARD STUFF HERE BECAUSE IT'S NOT ANYBODY HERE THAT'S DOING IT. IT'S ACTUALLY WAY MORE IMPORTANT THAN THIS PLACE. ANYTHING PERTAINING TO HERE IS A DISTRACTION.

And that^ is how you do it. Use of a disclaimer. Now all we need is red behind it.
First of all, you cannot ever expect to change someone. I have a saying... "People can always be relied upon to be who they are." so if this person has a strong personal need to do hurtful things to you it is not because of anything that you can change. There is something about them that is rewarded by doing these things, so you're decision as to whether or not having them in your life is worth tolerating this nature and the disrespect which arises from it indefinitely should be based on something other than the futile hope of transforming them. They are who and what they are. Personally I have had experience with having people in my life who don't respect me and it's a mistake a swore never to repeat. Real friendship means there is a MUTUAL desire to see one another excel and prosper. If there is a lack of even fundamental respect then there is no hope for any kind of meaningful relationship, only a disfunctional one that will bring frustration and suffering for the foreseeable future.
 

The_Chameleon

Grandmaster
I'm ADD and when this thread got buried after I created it I had unfortunately forgotten about it. I apologize for that profusely. I'm back and ready to help.
 
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