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Any advise, no matter how small, please help!


Registered Member
Hey Guy's. Just finnished writing this and I am so sorry it is so long but if you would please can you read it, thank you so much!

Ok I didn't want to discuss this issue yet but something has happened and I am reaching out to everyone here to give me any advise they can no matter how small, anything at this point would help.

This is what has been going on recently which would also slightly explain my absence. I arrived in the USA in October and when anyone flies into the USA you get given a 90 day Visa Wavier. I don't want to go into detail about that type of Visa right now but there is allot of info on it on the internet. 4 days after I arrived here Danny called the Government office, the Lady on the phone talked to him for over an hour on how I get residence in America, basically she said as soon as we are Married we get the paperwork in so I still stay within the 90 day Visa. That didn't happen, and yes there were plenty of discussions between us as to why my Husband didn't do it then, and it wasn't a money issue as at the time it was only $350 to apply.

So we carried on with life. Danny lost his job at the end of Dec/start of Jan and he applied for unemployment benefit, which wasn't enough for a dog to live on. He didn't attempt to find work and the result being we have moved 4 times since Jan, the most recent move 3 months ago. Before that we lived in a 3 bedroom house with Danny's best friend, 3 bedrooms, 7 people, and we shared a room with his best friend. I was going crazy, two teenage girls, drama and having to share a bedroom, drama central. I practically forced Danny to get us out of there and I ended up finding us a house share with two girls, we have the whole basement, bath, bed, livingroom and shared Kitchen for only $350 a month. I am on disability benefit in England and I used that to pay the rent so far but I had to have that canceled as it is against the law to claim it now I live in the US. This months rent is paid but Dan still hasn't got a job, we need a pay check by the first of next month or back to doing a midnight flit so we don't get taken to court.

This isn't the biggest problem, the biggest problem is Health. In this country you have no rights and are treated like scum if you don't have documentation, sorry but it's true.

Fuck I don't wanna talk about this but I have to, glad I can't see you guy's right now. A month ago I was pregnant, it was an accident, we are a Married couple and it happens. We were shocked but excited, we are in love and we made one half of each of us. I don't know how much you guy's know about this or how much I have told you but I have a serious medical issue with my joints, I have hip dysplacia and deformity in my legs and pelvis, it's bad and I should be under the care of specialist orthopedic surgeons as I was in England. So I was a high risk pregnancy, I already knew that my lower body can't sustain the weight of a growing child and there is no possibility of a natural birth, the baby might have had to be born premature and in an incubator until developed. I spoke to a Nurse in the family who deals with Orthopedics and she said that I would need a walker as soon as possible to get as much weight off my lower body as possible and about two months into the pregnancy I would be bedridden throughout the pregnancy and of course no pain medication.

We were willing to go through any ammout of pain for this child, we thought we would be ok, as long as I have Doctors to check on the baby and myself, we were refused all medical treatment. My blood pressure went very high, my pulse rate was very high for a long period of time, my anxiety was full blown, I wasn't eating, I was a mess. We didn't know the outcome if the child went full term but we did know that I would be crippled during and after. I thought I was going to have a Heart attack but I couldn't even see a Doctor and trust me, we went down every single avenue we possibly could, everything short of robbing a bank for the 100,000 or more it would cost! We wanted to go back to England but of course where would we find the 2000 for plane tickets and a Passport for Danny. Now there is no baby.

As some of you know I also have mental health problems, bpd, ocd, anxiety/panic disorders, depression and an eating disorder on top of that but I am stong, I try not to moan and I get on with it same as always, as long as I have a Doctor and Meds. Well of course.........all medical treatment refused. I have been in the Country 9 months this month and so far I have been pretty stable, being happy helps. The last few months I have gone into a relapse, panic attacks are the worse and it is daily, it was starting before the baby but after that it got allot more servere, the OCD has all of a sudden decided to rear it's ugly head more than usual, but thankfully no thoughts of attempting to kill myself again but if that starts happening, fuck I don't even wana think about it.

So this morning yet again, panic attack, I got on the phone to a clinic to try and get a Doctor but no luck. You know I did manage to get hold of some Valium which is amazing but my Doctors in England actually refused to give me it, addictive personality and I heard rehab isn't a nice place. So the Lady on the phone said that basically since new legislation was put in place yesterday I really, really can't get any form of treatment, not even a FREE clinic.

So before I finnish we went to an Attorney a while ago, it's a huge mess almost $3000 to get a Visa and fuck knows how long it will take. Can't afford to go back to England and I am NOT leaving without my Husband, can't afford an attorny and fees for the hundreds of pages of paperwork. Not sure if time is on my side, just before I left for America I was rushed into Hospital in servere pain in my joints, swelled up so much, I couldn't walk for two weeks, I have cronic pain but I can deal with it fine until my body decides it's had enough. I have not meds, no money no medical care and no way to get to England right now.

Guy's I need you, if you know about the Law, about my rights in this country, anything at all that can help me and my Husband please try and point me in the right direction, I have no one clue about what to do it really is a mess. Most of you on here that I know well you are intelligent and know your stuff. What can we do??????

Thank you so much if you have read all of this, I really appriciate any suggestions.


Problematic Shitlord
That's a terrible situation, I'm sorry you've had to deal with it so poorly.

The US is not a friendly place in terms of foreigners and definitely not a helpful place in terms of health care. Bottom line, you picked the wrong country. Speak with an attorney and see what you can get, see if there are any loopholes.

Other than that, I'm not sure. I think ultimately you should go back to England, you won't get the same kind of care here that England would give you for free.


/ˈɪzəˌbɛl/ pink 5

I have no clue about the legal things in the US or how to access some needs for free or affordably over there. However, I think if you can manage to get enough amount to fly back to England (en solo), you should take the opportunity so you can get the treatment you need asap before things are worse for you (and that would affect Dany too). Let Danny follow later.


Son of Liberty
I didnt think a doctor could refuse service? Here in California our Emergency rooms and Free Clinics are always jam packed with non-citizens. But then again I think that's general care not necessarily a specific like you say you need (orthopedic).

I'm sorry about your mess. R1p needs to get out there and get a job, he needs to take the initiative and get on it.. Scrape up whatever little money you can and get him in some sort of job. Work is work even if he's piloting a shovel he needs to be on the beat, I'd scrap any hangups he has about being above a type of work and just get on it. In construction usually companies are solid about healthcare benefits for all of their employees. I would recommend him finding a construction job asap for the worst case scenario just to get you under a healthcare plan. You two are married, so he should be able to put you down on his plan.
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Registered Member
Thank you everyone. Ok well it doesn't matter that I am Married to an American citizen, if you don't have a social security number then no matter the circumstances you don't get any health insurance, went down that road already with the pregnancy. I can go back to England, my Mum is willing to pay for a flight for myself and only myself, when I get to the airport customs will hold me and it's up to them as to how long, it could be a day, a few days or a week. I read that one old couple from Italy overstayed their 90 day Visa by about 4 days and Customs put them in Prison for a week. If I leave America now that's an automatic ban of 10 years. I don't want to leave my Husband and I am not sure if or when he will follow me, it would be months but at this point I am out of ideas, if leaving my Husband is the only option then that might be what I have to do.


It's not me, it's you.
Is he willing to live overseas with you, or is he set on America?

It is so important that you take care of your health and get back on your meds, and if the only way to do that is going back to England, then my advise is to do it. He can save up the money and follow later...or maybe once you get to England and settled, you may even be able to afford to send for him yourself.

Being apart will be difficult, but your health is so important. I'm sure he doesn't want you to suffer, either. It's hard watching someone you love being in unneeded pain.


Registered Member
Thank you everyone for letting me rant, I really didn't want to though as I wanted to just be happy and talk about fun stuff but then things happened. I need to clear my head with the whole thing, let things settle down then continue and work all this shit out. You guy's are so great, I missed you so much, hopefully we can pay the internet bill this month lol? Gotta laugh or I would cry.....lol. :)


Endangered Species
My first thoughts Dal are get some real advice.

I'd recommend hitting any ex-pats forums that are out there and see what advice they can give, they will be stuffed with people who have real experience in this. Every state and major city in the US will have a British ex-pat community, find your local one and ask tell them what you are telling us.

I do not know if their is an equivelent in the US but look for similar to the Citizens Advice Bureau and seek their consoltation.

If things are really that bad then contact the British Embassy, they will be able to help you out as a Briton abroad, they will also put you in contact with the numerous charities and funds that are in place for people in your situation who may be able to help you out especially if you require medical attention.

My final thoughts are if all else fails, get back to the UK asap get the medical attention you require and worry about everything else later. (if you dont have the money to return contact the Embassy).

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Registered Member
Well I got onto a forum and as I expected I got shit and basically people calling me stupid, unfortunately allot of British people are like that, and yes I can say that about my own people as I am one. If I go back to England on my own and live with my Mum I will probably end up in the same state, yeah I will get given a shit load of drugs but that only knocks me out and doesn't actually solve anything. I am not going into the why's and how's of why England and living in a very small town isn't an option.

I already called the British consulate twice since I have been here and they no longer deal with anything regarding Visa's and Passport's but I need to call them again although the only thing they would do is maybe pay for a flight back.

This is a fucking mess, straight out of the frying pan into the fire!


Endangered Species
Well the reality of the situation is you and R1p will have to make some concessions somewhere and organise your priorities.

You dont exactly have many rights if any rights at all so dont expect to get any there, and people will call you stupid however unhelpful that is but its sounds like you have to face upto the reality of the situation you have put yourself in. You cant have your cake and eat it too. Make your choices and face the consequences of them.

If I was in your situation I would contact the CAB and the DSS in the UK and see if they can help you out in any way for either staying in the US or returning to the UK, dont limit your options (why do you need return to your hometown ?) but leave your options open and be realistic to what options are available to you.