Am I Wrong?

Discussion in 'Dating & Relationships' started by Twitch, Jun 7, 2010.

  1. Twitch

    Twitch Registered Member

    Last night was my school's "All Night Party". They have kids who payed come into the gym from 10 at night til 5 in the morning, so they're safer than going out to drink in the woods or something.

    Well I went to this party, and so did my SO. I usually really dislike it when she drinks, but I tried hard to be ok with it on this night.

    That all ended when I saw her grinding with some guy on the dance floor. For anyone who doesn't know what that is,

    [​IMG]
    (To be fair, it wasn't to this extent. She was not bent down this far.)

    I got extremely angry and hurt that she would do something like this and called her out on it, and she just said that because her and the guy were friends and that it wasn't going anywhere and that she was just having fun, that it was ok to do it.

    I asked her not to do it again and she sort of agreed, but then we continued arguing about it.

    Am I wrong to not want her to do something like this, even if it's not going anywhere? I just don't think that's the way "friends" dance with each other.
     
    Last edited: Jun 7, 2010

  2. Easily-Amused

    Easily-Amused http://easily-amused.com/

    I agree with you. Friends should not dance like that when they have SO's.
     
  3. Unity

    Unity #AllTogetherNowSTL Staff Member

    No you're not out of line at all...just because that's an acceptable form of dance now doesn't mean that it's appropriate to do with others when you're in a relationship.
     
  4. Stegosaurus

    Stegosaurus Registered Member

    Yeah I also agree with you--personally that would just wreck me up inside and I wouldn't want to be with a person who willingly lets herself get under the influence and does those sorts of acts. Really it comes down to the ground rules you two establish. If that sort of behavior is something over which you will not compromise (and I know I wouldn't) then you shouldn't feel like you need to second-guess your morals. If it were something of less weight, like sober hugs and cheek-kisses between your SO and her male friends, I feel that would be something you two should be able to calmly talk out through expressing your feelings. Grinding drunkenly is another story entirely, and I don't blame you even 0.0000000000000000001%.
    -------
    My SO had a few male friends a year or so ago in a group of friends with her best friend since childhood. One of this groups "practical jokes" is to unsnap girls' bras through the shirt when giving hugs. They were all very comfortable with each other, but I felt uncomfortable with that sort of thing. One of her acquaintances tried to unsnap her at a clubhouse community party a few years ago when she was saying goodbye to leave with me in the car. She was about 20 feet away from me and I saw him go for her bra--and she dodged and kinda laughed about it, not really feeling it was a big deal. She got over to me and I (apparently) was death-glaring this kid (she says I don't often know what expression I'm making--kinda like reverse asperger's syndrome:lol:) and I told her calmly that it bothered me in my gut for that kind of contact, and she immediately understood and told the guy to never do it to her again because it upset me and her and I together agreed it was not cool.
     
  5. Jeanie

    Jeanie still nobody's bitch V.I.P. Lifetime

    No, you're not wrong. That's completely inappropriate, especially if you're in a relationship. I'm no prude but I think that grinding on the dance floor is tacky and inappropriate.
     
  6. Nixola

    Nixola Boom Boom Pow!

    She wouldn't be dancing like that with him if they were "just friends" or had "just friends" feelings towards him.

    I dont think you were wrong to call her out on it.
     
    Last edited: Jun 7, 2010
  7. PretzelCorps

    PretzelCorps Registered Member

    Like Stego said, hugs and cheek-kisses and whatnot, and even most forms of dancing, are all forgivable because they're pretty typical girl-guy friend behavior; and I mean like real platonic girl-guy friends, not we're-pretending-to-be-friends-but-really-just-testing-the-water-to-see-if-we-want-to-jump-ship girl-guy friends.

    If I were in that situation, and she didn't come to an understanding after I explained myself (not a reluctant 'well, okay, maybe,' I mean a real understanding), I would've stopped speaking to her for the time, and maybe even ended it on the spot. She's giving you warning flags, and you have every right to protect your feelings.

    I have a lot of girl friends, myself --> We don't grind.
     
    Last edited: Jun 7, 2010
    Rebeccaaa likes this.
  8. Sorrel

    Sorrel Registered Member

    It depends on what sort of relationship you have. I've said this before and I'll say it again: we should assume nothing when entering a relationship and should negotiate our terms.

    For me, and also for my partner, that kind of behaviour would be an absolute no-no.
     
  9. idisrsly

    idisrsly I'm serious V.I.P. Lifetime

    This is exactly the point. Her grinding any guy (drunk/sober) is inappropriate. No friends grind. Are you kidding me? I don't grind my friends and none of my friends would grind me or any of the girls in our friendship group. If they were "friends", they would not have allowed her to even do that if she was intoxicated, knowing that she has a bf.

    Or maybe there is a culture difference, but here, we don't grind our friends, we grind the guy we want to go home with that night!! :-o
     
  10. CaptainObvious

    CaptainObvious Son of Liberty V.I.P.

    No you are not wrong at all, I would be pretty pissed if I were you. You have every right to be upset about it. Not only was it wrong of her to do it she should have apologized when you brought it to her attention and there should not have been any kind of argument about it afterwards.
     

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