Gay Jokes What does one fag say to another fag going on vacation? Can I help you pack your shit? How do you know when you're in a gay church? Only half the congregation kneels to pray! What's the most common pickup line in a gay bar? May I push your stool in? What does AIDS stand for? Anally Injected Death Sentence. A lesbian goes into a brothel and asks for the prettiest, youngest girl availible. The owner replies, "Sorry, we don't sell minors to lickers" How do you know if you're at a gay picnic? The hotdogs taste like shit! Four fags are sitting in a hot tub. They notice some sperm rising to the surface. One fag says, "Ok, who farted?" How do you fit three gays on one barstool? Turn it upside-down! What do you call a ship full of fags? The navy! What do you call a gay guy in a wheelchair? Rolaids What's the difference between a rectum ranger and a refrigerator? The fridge doesn't fart when you pull the meat out! What did one gay sperm say to the other? How are we ever gonna find an egg in all this shit? Three fags are sitting together. One farts... whoosh. The next farts... whoosh. The third one farts. Sounds like a Bronx cheer. "Well, now we know who the virgin is!" ________________________________________________________ Gook Jokes How do you blindfold a chink? Dental floss! How do you know if a chink robbed your house? Your homework is done, your computer is upgraded, but two hours later the chink is still trying to back out of your driveway! Why is a gook like a computer? They both only see bits! How do you blindfold a gook? Dental floss! What's the difference between a Jap and Jello? Jello wiggles when you eat it. What do you call a gook with one testicle? Whatwentwong. What do you call a fat chinaman? A Chunk! Why did the Romans make straight roads? So Asians couldn't build corner shops! ________________________________________________________ Indian Jokes How do you keep an indian out of your back yard? Move the trash cans to the front. What do you call a white man surrounded by twenty five indians? You call him bartender! What do you call a gay indian? Brave sucker! An indian walked into a bar, he was carying a bucket of shit in one hand, a rifle and a cat in the other. he sits and orders a drink, drinks it, throws the bucket of shit in the air and shoots it, then bites the hesd off the cat, the bar tender said what are you doin and the indian said, "ME WANNA BE LIKE WHITE MAN SHOOT SHIT AND EAT PUSSSY"! How do you keep Indians out of your neighborhood? Keep a liquor store between your house and the reservation. What do you call an Indian without a Casino? A Mexican Which Indian did more than any other to preserve the land and rights of his people? Chief Whinestothepress. How many Indians does it take to eat a freshly killed dear? Five. One to do the eating, and four to hold up traffic. An Indian chief went to a whorehouse and said he wanted a woman. The madam asked him if he had ever been with a woman before, and he said no. She told him to go find a tree with a hole in it and practice on that for a while. He came back a week later and said he had practiced fucking a hole in a tree and now he wanted a woman. He went upsatairs with a whore, but about 30 seconds later she came running down the stairs yelling and screaming, bloody and bruised, with the injun running behind her swinging a large stick. The madam said, "What the hell are you doing to my whore?" The indian replied, "This time me check for bees first!" ________________________________________________________ Jewish Jokes First Man: I'm going to be just like Hitler and kill all the jews. But I'm going to kill all the clowns, too. Second Man: Why the clowns? First Man: See, no one cares about the Jews! Why did Hitler kill himself? Because he saw his gas bill. Hitler stands in front of a cannon with some jews. He tells the first one: Spread your arms and jump into the cannon! The jew jumps and dies. Then he tells the second one: Touch your toes with your hands and jump into the canon! The jew jumps and dies, too. He tells the third one: Put your arms in the air and jump into the canon! Suddenly, Hitlers mother appears, yelling at him: Adolf, stop playing tetris with those jews!!! At his birthday, Hitler tells three jews: Ive got a dice here. Two sides are blue, two are green and the other two sides are red. Everyone of you has to roll the dice. If it shows blue, one of you will be hung. If it shows green, one of you will be shot. If it shows red, IÂ´ve got a surprise for you! The first one rolls the dice, it shows blue and he is hung. The second one rolls the the dice, it shows green, and he is shot. The third one rolls the dice. It shows red, therefore Hitler says: Congratulations, you can roll the dice again!!! Two nazis meet in prison. The first one asks the second one. What is misfortune? A bus full of jews falliing of a cliff right into the sea. What is a disaster? If they can swim. What's Hitlers least favorite planet? 'Jewpiter' Whats the difference between a jew and a pizza? The pizza doesnt scream when you put it in an oven! Whats the difference between a Jew and a Canoe? A canoe tips How do you get 100 jews into a car? Throw a quarter in it. How do you get them out again? Tell them Hilter is driving. How many jews can you fit in a VW Beetle? 54, two in the front, two in the back, and fifty in the ashtray. How do you know you have a queer Jew? He likes money more than girls. Have you heard about the Jewish sports car? It stops on a dime, then picks it up What is a Jews biggest dilemma? Free pork Why do Jews have such big noses? Cuz all the airs free. Whats the object of Jewish football? To get the quarter back. How was copper wire invented? 2 Jews fighting over the same penny What language does Jewish homo speak? Heblew What did the little German boy get for his birthday? Easy bake oven and a G.I Jew Hows Christmas celebrated in Jewish homes? They put parking meters on the roof. Why did the Jews walk around the desert for 40 years? They heard that someone dropped a quarter What do you call a room full of jewish women with yeast infections? A whine and cheese party. Whats Jewish doggy style? You beg for half an hour and the princess rolls over and plays dead. What happens when a Jew with an errection walks into a wall? He breaks his nose. What's faster than a speeding bullet? A jew with a coupon. ________________________________________________________ Black Jokes What do you call the New Orleans Superdome full of milk? Cocoa Puffs. What do they call the subway in harlem? The underground railroad. What do you call two dozen niggers working in a cotton field under the blazing sun? Old fashioned farm equipment! Q: Why did the mexican family move out of the outhouse? A: Because the niggers downstairs made too much noise! Q:how can you tell if a nigress is on her period? A: She's only wearing one sock! Niggers: How do you keep a nigger from jumping on the bed? Put velcro on the ceiling. How do you get him down? Tell the spics down the street it a pinyata. or however the fuck you spell it. Why does aspirin have cotton in the top? To remind the niggers they were cotton pickers before they were drug dealers. How do you find a nigger at night? Tell the motherfucker to smile. What do you do when you see a nigger crawling across your front lawn bleeding to death? Stop laughing and RE-LOAD!!!!!! What do you call a black pasture.............. Holy shit. Whats the difference between a nigger and a picnic table? A picnic table can support itself. What do you call a nigger with a peg leg? Shit on a stick! What does Pontiac stand for? Poor Old Nigger Thinks It's A Cadillac! Did you hear the one about the baby nigger who went to heaven and got his wings? He said, "God! Look! I'm an angel!", and God said, "No you stupid nigger! You're a bat, now eff off!" I like black people . . . . . I used to have some black friends 'till my dad sold them! What does a nigress and an ice hockey player have in common? They both change their pads after 3 periods! Why do blacks have white hands and feet? They were on all fours when God spray painted them! Why do black people have white hands? Everyone has some good in them! Why do black people have white hands? It rubs off the cop cars! Why do more niggers get hit by cars in the winter? They're easier to spot! What do you call two blacks on one bike? Organized crime! Why are niggers getting stronger? T.V.s are getting bigger! What happened to the nigger who had an abortion? Crime Stoppers sent her a check for $500! Why don't nigger bitchs wear panties to picnics? To keep the flies away from the chicken! What's the difference between a truck full of baby niggers and a truck full of bowling balls? You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork! What does FUBU stand for? Farmers Used to Buy Us What does FUBU stand for? Farmers Used to Beat Us Why don't sharks eat niggers? They think its whale shit! Why do niggers call white people "honkies"? Thats the last sound they hear before they get hit! What do they do with dead niggers in California? Gut them to make wetsuits! Why does L.A. have so many fags and N.Y. so many niggers? L.A. had first choice! What do you call a chinese nigger with AIDS? Coon Die Soon! What does NAACP stand for? Niggers Against All Caucasian People What does NAACP stand for? Now Apes Are Called People Why did God give niggers big dicks? As a way to say "sorry" for putting pubes on their heads! Why do niggers wear wide brimmed hats? So birds won't shit on their lips! Why was white chocolate invented? So nigger kids could get messy too! What do you call a niggers car? A 'blood vessel'. What do you call 1,000 niggers going down a hill? A mudslide! What do Nikes and the KKK have in common? They both make niggers run fast! Why is there no black Miss America pageant? Nobody want's to be Ms. Idaho! What do you get when you cross a nigger and a gorilla? A dumb gorilla! What do you call a nigger having sex? Rape! How many polacks does it take to clean a bathroom? None, it's a niggers job! White folks aren't racist . . . . we've all got colored TV's! Why do niggers hate asperin? Because it's white and it works! A nigger walks into a bar and says, "Yo! Where do all the homies hang?" The bartender says, "out there", pointing to a tree in the back. What do you call an Ethiopian on a hunger strike? An Ethiopian! How many niggers does it take a shingle a roof? It depends how thin you slice them! How do you get a nigger out of a tree? Cut the rope! Why don't nigger babies play in sandboxes? Cats keep trying to bury them! What do you call 60,000 niggers on a plane heading back to Africa? A good start! What do you call a nigger hiding in the woods? A brown recluse! What do you call a black bowling ball? A nigger egg. What did God say when he made the first nigger? Oops! I put the pubes on his head! What was missing from the Million Man March? About a thousand miles of chain and an auctioneer! What do Confederates do on the New Year? Shoot niggers with roman candles and throw Confetti! How do you get a nigger to wear a condom? Put a Nike logo on it! How do you keep a nigger bitch pleased? Give her some fried chicken! What happened when the Nigger looked up his family tree? A gorilla shit on his face! What do you call a busload of niggers going off a cliff with one empty seat? A crying shame! What do you call 1,000 niggers at the bottom of the sea? A good start! What did God say when he made the first nigger? Oops! Burnt another one! Why haven't any niggers died from West Nile virus? Mosquitos don't land on shit, only flies do! Why is a nigger like a vending machine? Neither work, but they both take your money! Why are blacks so tall? Their knee grows. What do you call a bunch of old niggers in a barn? Antique farm equiptment! Why do they put cotton in pill bottles? To remind the niggers they used to pick cotton before they were drug dealers! Why was the nigger with diarrea freaking out? He thought he was melting! Why does Stevie Wonder always smile? He doesn't know he's black. What's the difference between bigfoot and a working nigger? Bigfoot's been spotted! What's the definition of Mass Confusion? Fathers day in Harlem! What do you call a nigger with an afro? Microphone. What do you call two blacks in a bodybag? Twix! Why are there only 2 pall bearer at a niggers funeral? A garbage can only has two handles! What does a nigger give his kid for his birthday? YOUR bike! Why shouldn't you throw rocks at a nigger driving by? It could be your car! Why did the man take off his watch to grab a handful of jelly beans? He was afraid the blacks would steal it! How do we know Adam wasn't black? Ever try taking a rib from a black guy? What's long, dark and stinks? The unemployment line! Why do niggers and spics always have nice clothes, jewelry and cars but still live in shitty houses? They haven't figured out how to steal houses yet! Why can't Ray Charles or Stevie Wonder read? They're niggers! A woman meets a black guy and invites him back to her place. She handcuffs herself to the bed and screams... "Do what you black men do best!". The nigger grabs the TV and runs! What's blue and hangs in my front yard? My nigger! I'll paint him whatever color I want! What's a black mans fortune cookie? A peice of cornbread with a food stamp in the middle! How does a niggress take a pregnancy test? She sticks a banana up her pussy, if it comes out half-eaten you know there's another monkey on the way! What's 8 miles long and has a combined IQ of 56? The Martin Luther King Day parade! What's the difference between a nigger and Batman? Batman can go out at night without Robbin! What's the difference between a nigger and a letter? You can send the letter back where it came from! What do you call a bunch of niggers neck-deep in mud? Afro-turf What do you call a bunch of niggers skydiving? Air pollution! What's long and hard on a nigger? Third grade. A nigger with a parrot walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, where did you get that?" The parrot says, "Africa! There are millions of them over there just sitting around" What does NAACP stand for? Niggers Are Actually Colored People. What does NAACP stand for? Niggers Are Always Causing Problems. What does NAACP stand for? Niggers, Apes, Aligators, Coons and Possums. What do you call a nigger waterskiing? A top-water jig. What would you call the flintstones if they were black? Niggers! A nigger, a jew and a mexican jump off a building at the same time .. who hits the ground first? Who cares! How do you keep a nigger from drowning? Take your boot off his head. Ever hear the rumor that niggers are bigger than white men? How do you tell when a nigger is really well hung? When you can't fit a finger between his neck and the rope! What do you say to a black man in court? Will the defendant please rise! What do you call a black man in high school? Janitor What's the only way a person can look at a nigger and smile? Through the scope of a gun! Why do niggers keep chickens in their back yards? To teach their kids how to walk. How do you keep a nigger from jumping on the bed? Put velcro on the ceiling. Whats the difference between a nigger and a bucket of shit? The bucket. What do an apple and a nigger have in common? They both belong hanging in trees. Why don't niggers celibrate Thanksgiving? KFC is closed on holidays. How do you starve a nigger? Hide his foodstamps under his work boots. What do you call seven niggers hanging in a tree? A windchime. What are three things you can't give a nigger? A fat lip, a black eye and a job! What's the difference between a dead dog in a road and a dead nigger in a road? The dog has skid marks in front of it. What do you call a black priest? Holy shit! I had a nigger in my family tree . . . . . . he's still hanging there! Why are trees so close in Harlem? Public transportation. How long does it take a nigress to take a shit? 9 months What do you call a nigger with a Harvard education? A nigger! Why are all the niggers fast runners? All the slow ones are in jail. Whats the difference between niggers and snow tires? Snow tires don't sing when you put chains on them! How do you keep a nigger from going out? Pour more gas on him! Why do white folks go to nigger garage sales? To get their stuff back. How do you keep niggers out of your back yard? Hang one in your front yard! What does a nigger and sperm have in common? Only about 1 out of two million actually work. What do you do if you wake up in the middle of the night to see your television floating in mid-air? Shoot the nigger stealing it. What's the difference between a large pizza and a nigger? A pizza can feed a family of four. What's wrong with four niggers in a cadillac going off a cliff? A cadillac seats five! How can you tell a nigger's just had sex? His eyes are all red from the mace. How do you get a nigger to leave you alone? Throw him a basketball! What's the difference between a naked white woman and a naked black woman? One's on the cover of Playboy and the other's on the cover of National Geographic. Why don't niggers dream? The last one to have a dream got shot. Theres an American airline and one of the engines is going out so they decide they need to get rid of some weight or they will crash. To do it fairly they decide to do it in alphabetical order. So they tell all of the African Americans to jump off the plane, no one moves. So they say, "Okay, all the blacks jump off." Still no one jumps. So they say, "All of the colored people jump off." Still no one jumps. Finally this little kid walks up to his dad and says, "Daddy, aren't we all three of those?" And the dad says, "Nope, today we're NIGGERS, we aint jumpin before the MEXICANS." Top 10 reasons why there are no black NASCAR drivers...... 10) YOU HAVE TO SIT UPRIGHT WHILE DRIVING. 09) THE PISTOL WON'T STAY UNDER FRONT SEAT. 08) ENGINES DROWN OUT THE RAP MUSIC. 07) THE PIT CREW CAN'T WORK ON THE CAR WHILE HOLDING UP PANTS AT THE SAME TIME. 06) THEY KEEP TRYING TO CARJACK DALE, JR. 05) POLICE CARS ON TRACK INTERFERE WITH RACE. 04) NO PASSENGER SEAT FOR THE HO. 03) THERE ARE NO SPONSORS FOR CADILLAC. 02) CAN'T WEAR HELMET SIDEWAYS. AND THE NUMBER 1 REASON WHY BLACKS CAN'T BE IN NASCAR: 01) WHEN THEY CRASH THEIR CAR THEY BAIL OUT AND RUN. ______________________________________________________ I have nothing against NIGGERS... I think every one should own a few! How do you castrate a nigger? Kick his FAT momma in the jaw! Do you know why ray charles and stevie wonder can't read? Becuase they are niggers! What do you do when you see a nigger with one leg? Stop laughing and reload! What do you call 10,000 niggers on the moon? A black star... What do you call 1 million nigger on the moon? Eclipse... What do you call all the niggers on the moon? Problem solved! This little boy is sleeping one night and has a dream that his grandfather is going to die. Well the next morning he wakes up, goes in the kitchen to get some breakfast,andhis mother says "son, I've got something horrible to tell you". And the little boy says "no mother, I alredy know, Grandpa is dead huh"? "How'd you know" said the mother? The little boy said "because I dreamed it lastnight while in bed". The mother says "well I'm sorry I know you loved him and all, but now he's gone." And the little boy goes off to school. The next night the little boy has a dream his Father is going to die, well he goes to school all day and is very worried, and all. Well he comes home later that day to find his mother, and father both were at home and he was overjoyed at the sight of his father. But his mother was crying histerically, and the little boy said "Mom what's the matter"? and his mother says, "Son the milk man was delivering the milk today and.. well... he fell up the steps, had a heart attack and just died, right there." What do you call a white guy surrounded by 3 niggers? In trouble. What do you call a white guy surrounded by 5 niggers? Coach. What do you call a white guy surrounded by 1000 niggers. Prison Warden Homer, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM. He sat down next to this Nigger at the bar and stared up at the TV. The 10:00 news was on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump. The nigger looked at Homer and said, "Do you think he'll jump?" Homer says, "You know, I bet he'll jump." The Nigger replied, "Well, I bet he won't." Homer placed $20 on the bar and said, "You're on!" Just as the Nigger placed his money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death. The Nigger was very upset and handed her $20 to Homer, saying, "Fair's fair. Here's your money." Homer replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and knew he would jump." The Nigger replies, "I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again." Homer took the money...... This little niglet boy asked his dad, "Dad, I have the biggest dick in the third grade. Is it because I'm black?" The dad replied "No you dumb nigger, it's because you're 17!" How do you make a nigger nervous? Take em to an auction! What's the difference between an ethiopion and a pair of jeans? A pair of jeans only has one fly on it! N.A.A.C.P. = Now Apes Are Called People Why can't black babies play in the sand box? Because cats keep covering them up! What do you say to a black man in uniform? I'll take a Big Mac, fries and a large coke! Why do blacks have flat noses? That's where god put his feet when he was pulling off their tails What do you have if you've got a black man up to his neck in cement? Not enough cement! What has four legs and a black arm? A happy pitbull! What starts with "N", ends with "R", and is a word you never want to call a black? Neighbor! How do you get a nigger out of a tree? Tell a bunch of drunk border hoppers its a pinyada! What do you do with a black jew? Put him in the back of the oven! A spic walks into a bar and says, "Hey, nigger, give me a drink." The nigger bartender says, "I'll give you a drink, but I would appreciate it if you wouldn't refer to me as a "nigger." "Oh man!, I am sure sorry about that bro'. Won't happen again." A few minutes later the spic says, "Hey moon crickett, another round." The nigger says,"Hey, look, I really don't want you calling me "moon crickett" either." The spic says,"Sorry bootlips, I didn't mean anything by it." The bartender says, "OK that's it! How would you like it if you were the bartender and I came in here calling you names?" "I don't know, let's find out." So the spic puts on an apron and goes behind the bar and the nigger walks outside and comes back in and shouts, "Hey wetback! I want a fucking drink!" The "bartender" stops washing glasses and says, "Oh, I'm sorry, we don't serve niggers in here." In a first grade class on the first day of school, the teacher wanted to get to know all the students, so she had them all stand up and say their names. A little niglet stood up and said that his name was "Mother Fucker." "Excuse me?" asked the incredulous teacher. "That's right ho, my name be Mother Fucker." "Well listen here," said the teacher, "this may be the first day of school, and you may think you can use foul language to get attention, but I can assure you that I won't tolerate it. Now, tell me your real name right now or I will send you straight to the principal's office." The black boy replied, "Look bitch, I said my name be Mother Fucker, and I mean ta tell ya, it be Mother Fucker!" "Well, that's it! Get out of my classroom right now!" The boy headed for the door and when he got there he turned to his twin brother who was also in the classroom and said, "Come on, Fuck Face, the bitch ain't gonna believe you either." A nigger walks into a bar with a duck on his shoulder. Bartender says, "Hey, cool, where did you get that?" Duck says, "Africa, they are all over the fucking place." Nigger walks into the doctor's office and says, "Doctuh, you gots ta hep me! I'm dyin' and it hurts!" "Well, where does it hurt, boy?" "Oh lawd, it hurts here," pointing to his leg, "And it hurts here," pointing to his arm, "And it's killin' me here," pointing to his stomach. After a full examination, the doctor says, "Get out of my office you asshole, all you have is a broken finger!" The Pope, a boyscout, and the smartest nigger in the world are on an airplane. The engines fail, the plane starts going down, and there is only 2 parachutes. The smartest nigger in the world says, "Due to my extraordinarily high intelligence, I believe it is imperative that I survive and continue to show my people the path to greatness." He grabs a parachute and jumps out of the plane. The Pope tells the boyscout, "I am an old man and I am ready to meet God, so you may use the remaining parachute, my son." The boyscout replies, "No, that's cool Pope, we both have parachutes because that nigger just jumped out of the plane with my backpack." A priest and a rabbi show up at the Pearly Gates. Peter says, "Can I help you boys?" "Well, yeah, we just died and we would like to come in to Heaven." Peter looks at his clipboard and says, "I don't think so. You have been pretty bad on Earth and we don't let people like that in here. But I'll tell you what; go ahead and go to Hell, just for now. If Satan will let you come back, I will let you in." Peter sends them away laughing, because Satan never lets anyone go to Heaven. About 10 minutes later the preacher shows back up at the Pearly Gates. Peter says, "No shit! Satan let you come back?" "Yeah, he was in a good mood and said for $20 bucks each we could get out of Hell." "Well, where is that rabbi?" "I don't know, when I left he had Satan down to $19.95." There is this rich Texas rancher who has a 100 meter long swimming pool with a shark in it. He has always said if anyone could swim from one end to the other without being eaten, he would give them either his daughter or his ranch. Well, his beautiful daughter had gone off to art school in New York and brought a nigger classmate home to one of her Dad's big barbeques. Of course, everyone is talking about how fucked up it is that the rancher's daughter brought a nigger there, when all of a sudden there was a huge splash. Everyone looked, and it was the nigger swimming his black ass off with the shark hot on his trail. At the other end of the pool the nigger threw himself out of the water and lay gasping and panting on the ground. The rancher came up and said, "Well, shit. I am a man of my word, so do you want my ranch or my daughter?" The nigger said, " Neither, I just want to know who pushed me into the pool." It was the Summer of 1968 and a nigger showed up at the Pearly Gates. Peter comes out and says, "Uh, is there something I can do for you? I mean, we don't let niggers in here." "I know," said the nigger, "It's just that, I am from Alabama, and I grew up around White folks, and I like White folks, and I even married a White woman, so I thought maybe I could get in." Peter said, "Wait, you say you married a White woman in Alabama? When the hell was this?" The nigger looks at his watch and says, "Oh, about 10 minutes ago." Two white convicts escape from their prison, only to find that a nigger has followed them out and is running along with them. The three of them see a few tree in the distance and they each climb up one to avoid the bloodhounds that are tracking them. When the police and dogs get to the first tree the dogs go crazy, barking and jumping. The White convict goes, "Meeeow," and the cops just think it is a cat stuck in a tree. So they go to the next tree where the other White convict says, "Hoo Hoo hoo Hoooo." The police figure it is just an owl in the tree. The nigger, hearing how the 2 White guys avoided capture, figures he will do the same, and when the dogs get to his tree, he lets out a lou, "Moooooooooo." So anyway, they all three get captured, and now they face the firing squad. The first White guy is standing there and as the warden says, "Ready.....Aim...." the prisoner points behind the cops and yells, "Tornado!" As the firing squad turns to look for the twister, the convict jumps over the wall and escapes. Now they have the second White convict standing there. "Ready.....Aim...." He points over their shoulders and yells, "Flash flood!", and escapes as they turn to look. Now the nigger has his turn. "Ready.Aim....." Just then the nigger jumps up and points and yells, "Fire!" Two big, fat, greasy nigger bitches are at the zoo. These are some big buffarilla type women. So they go to the monkey section where the sign says, "Don't feed the gorilla." But the one woman tries to feed the big silverback a bannana anyway. Well, the huge gorilla walks over, bends the bars apart, grabs the nigger woman inside the cage, and beats the shit out of her and commences to raping her in the ass. It takes the zoo keepers 20 minutes to make the gorilla let go of her. They were spraying it with a fire hose, hitting it with sticks, finally they shot it with about 5 tranquilizers. So the one nigger woman goes to visit her friend in the hospital, and she is fucked up. Swollen eyes, missing teeth, hair all torn out, and as soon as she sees her friend she breaks out crying and sobbing. "There, there honey," says her friend, comforting her and holding her, "We are gonna get you through this and you are gonna be jus' fine, honey." "I know, I know," says the first one, "But he don't call and he don't write and he don't come visit....." A black nun and a White nun are walking through Central Park at night when 2 niggers jump out and start raping them. "Oh, forgive them, Lord, for the they know not what they do." The black nun exclaims, "Mine sure do!" So a nigger gets a job digging telephone pole holes and at the end of the day the foreman comes by to see how many he had gotten done. "One, boss," he replied. "One! Hell everybody else can dig 15 holes a day!" "Yeah, sure, but they way they dig them, look how much of the telephone pole is still sticking out of the ground!" A White man and a nigger are walking through the jungle when a lion jumps out to attack them. The White man throws a handful of sand in the lion's face and climbs up a tree real quick, and says to the nigger, who is still standing on the ground, "Hey, you better get your black ass up in this tree!" "Why?," said the spook, "I didn't throw sand in his face." The F.B.I. sends an agent to South Africa to learn how the police there stop riots. The South African Police General takes him to a township disturbance where the police fire tear gas grenades at the niger mob. The mob runs away a few blocks, regroups, and comes rushing back at the police. Then the cops open up on them with powerful fire hoses, sending the rioters spinning down the street like soccer balls. They regroup and come charging back again, only to be met with squads of German Shepherd attack dogs. They bite those niggers so full of holes that they run like hell and don't come back. "Very impressive," says the F.B.I. agent, "But let me ask you; since the dogs were so effective, why not just use them first?" "Ah, you don't understand," said the Police general, "The niggers down here smell so bad, first we have to fumigate them and rinse them off before our dogs will touch them." A guy walks into a bar and exclaims, "Goddamn, niggers are fucking assholes!" Someone at the end of the bar says, "Hey, I am offended by that!" "Why, you aren't a nigger." "I know, I'm a fucking asshole!" A house at the end of the street in a small country town catches on fire. Soon it is fully engulfed in flames and it looks like there is no hope, when all of a sudden here comes a beat up old Chevy truck with a whole family of niggers crammed into it. Must have been 20 of them. Well, they come tearing through town, honking and waving and screaming for people to get out of the way, and they drive right straight into that burning house and stomp the whole damn fire out with their bare feet. The townspeople come crowding around them and congratulate them and thank them for saving the house, and as a token of their gratitude, they give the nigger family $100. "What are you going to do with the money?" they asked. "Well," says the father of the family, "First off we is gonna fix dem fuckin' brakes!" A man is driving down the road and he sees a nigger family carrying furniture and dishes into an outhouse. He just shakes his head and keeps driving. The next day he sees them attaching a satellite dish to the roof of the outhouse. He just shakes his head and keeps driving. The next day he drives by and sees two satellite dishes on the roof, and he stops to see what the hell is going on. He says to the nigger, "OK, first I see you carrying furniture into the outhouse and I figure you were moving in. Then I see you putting a dish on the roof, and I figure if you are living in a shithouse you might as well watch T.V. But now I see two dishes on the roof. It is such a small outhouse, why do you need two satellite dishes?" The nigger replied, "Oh, we rented the basement out to Mexicans." A hindu a jew and a nigger are all walking through the country and stop at a farmer's house to see if they could sleep there for the night. "Well," said the farmer, "All I got fer ya is the barn." The three travellers all agreed that the barn was fine, and the farmer showed them the way. A few minutes later there is a knock at the farmer's door. It was the hindu. He said, "I am very sorry, but there is a cow in the barn and it is strictly forbidden for me to sleep in the barn with a cow. Besides, it smells like shit out there." "Oh, fine, you can sleep in the damn house!" said the farmer. A few minutes later there is another knock at the door. This time it's the jew. He said, "Sir, I am jewish, and you expect me to sleep in the same barn as a pig? A dirty, disgusting, filthy swine? Besides, it smells like shit out there." "Fine, fine, you can sleep in the damn house, just stop bitching!" A few minutes later there is another knock at the door. "I swear to god if it's that damn nigger I am going to whip his ass, because I'll be damned if I let him sleep in my house!" The farmer opened the door and it was the pig and the cow. A nigger finds a magic lamp and rubs it and when the genie pops out he told her he wanted to be "Tight, White, and outta sight!" So she turned him into a Tampon. Two niggers walking down the street see a sign that says, "Turn White for $15." The two groids turn their pockets inside out only to discover that one has a 20 dollar bill and the other one has a 10 dollar bill. Since neither one of them has exactly $15, they can't figure out how they can both get turned White.....Finally one of them has a stroke of genius. "You take $20 and go in there and get turned White, then when you come out you can give me your $5 change and then I will have $15 and I can get turned white, too!" "Bet, dog," says the other bootlip, and he goes inside. 10 minutes later, you wouldn't believe it. That nigger was blond haired, blue eyed, and even had on a suit and a tie. The first nigger says, "Man, holy shit, I can't believe it, you are really White! Hurry up and give me that $5 so I can do it too!" "Fuck you, nigger, get a job!" A first grade teacher wanted to help her students learn black history so one Thursday, she told them that she would read them some famous quotes and whoever could guess who said it could stay home from school the next day. The first one she read was, "By any means necessary." Hands shot up. "Yes, Leroy, can you tell me who said that?" "Malcom X." "That's right," said the teacher, "You may go home now, and you don't have to come to class tomorrow." The next one was, "I have a dream." Again, dozens of little black hands went up. "Yes, Shaquita, do you know who said that?" "Martin Luther King, Jr." "Why yes, that's right, you can go home early and skip school tomorrow also." From the back of the classroom came a disgusted voice, "You goddamn niggers make me fucking sick." The teacher ran to the back of the room and screamed, "Who said that!?" The little White boy jumped out of his chair and headed for the door, saying on his way out, "Tom Metzger. See ya Monday, bitch!" A nigger finds a lamp and when he rubs it a genie pops out and offers to grant him a wish. He told her he wanted to wake up every morning for the rest of his life with 3 women in bed with him. The next day he woke up in bed with Hillary Clinton, Lorena Bobbitt, and Tonya Harding. His dick was gone, his leg was broken, and he didn't have any health insurance. A nigger couple showed up at the Pearly Gates. Peter came out and said, "Yes?" "Uh, well sir, my wife and I just died in a car wreck, and we thought we could get into Heaven now." Peter looked at his clipboard and shook his head. "No, you two have been pretty scandalous, I don't think we can have you in here. Well....tell you what. I will bring you back to life and put you back on Earth for 30 days. If you can show some self control and abstain from having sex for the whole month, I will let you in." A month later the 2 showed back up at Heaven. "Well," said Peter, "how did you do?" The nigger replied, "Well, we did great for the first 28 days, but then my wife dropped a bag of potato chips on the floor, and when she bent down to pick them up I just lost it and did her right there on the floor." "That's too bad, because now you know I can't let you into Heaven," said Peter. "Oh, that's OK," said the nigger, "they won't let us back in the grocery store, either." A little niglet put some flour on his face and when his mother came home he said, "Look Momma, I is a White boy!" She slapped him and sent him to his room. When his father came home he came running out and said, "Look Daddy, I is a White boy!" His father slapped him and sent him to his room. Finally the boy's grandmother came home and the boy thought for sure that she wouldn't be so mean, so he ran out and said, "Hey, I is a White boy!" When his grandmother also slapped his face, the boy shouted, "I has only been White for 15 minutes and I already hate you damn niggers!" A nigger finds a magic lamp and when he rubs it a genie pops out. When he sees the nigger he says, "Oh, shit. What do you want?" The nigger says, "I want a bridge from America to Africa made out of pure gold." The genie says, "Are you fucking crazy? You know how much gold that would take? That is impossible. Pick something else." So the nigger says, "OK, I want all the little nigger children to be just as smart and good looking as the White children." The genie says, "OK, so that bridge, you want it to be 2 lanes or 4 lanes?" A nigger boy comes home from his first grade class and said, "Momma, all the White kids made an A+ on the math test, but I failed. Why is that?" His mother said, "It's because you are black, my son." Then the boy said, "And all the White kids got an A+ on the spelling test, but I failed that too. How come?" "Because you are black, my son," said his mother. "But then when we took a shower after gym class, I noticed my dick was bigger than all the White boy's dicks. Why is that?" "Well son," she said, "that is because you are 15 years old." A trucker carrying a load of bowling balls picked up 2 nigger hitchikers who were pushing bikes with flat tires. He tells them they have to ride in back with the bowling balls, which is fine with them. A few miles down the road a cop pulls the truck over for speeding and he asks to look in the back of the truck. After a quick glance he shuts the door and tells the trucker to get the hell down the road as fast as he can. Then he gets on the police radio and tells his chief, "I got a truck headed your way, you escort him to the county line and get them to escort him right out of the state, quick!" "Why, what the hell is wrong?" asked the chief. "What's wrong? I'll tell you what's wrong....that truck is carrying a load of nigger eggs and 2 of them have already hatched and stole some bikes!" A midget walks in to a bar, takes a few shots of whiskey, jumps up on the bar stool and said, "Hey, any of you motherfuckers want to fight me?" A guy 6 feet two inches tall and weighing 253 lbs stood up and said, "I'll fight you!" That little midget jumped on him and beat the shit out of him. Next night the midget walked in and took a few shots, jumped on his bar stool and said, "Hey, any of you motherfuckers want to fight me?" This time an even bigger guy stood up. He was about 6 foot 5 inches and weighed 348 lbs. The midget jumped on him and beat the shit out of him, too. So the bar owner went out and bought a gorilla and locked it in the bathroom. Later that night the midget walked in, took a few shots of whiskey and jumped on the bar stool and asked if there were any sons of bitches that want to fight. This time no one stood up. The bar owner said, "There's a guy in the bathroom that wants to kick your fucking ass." Now the gorilla was in the bathroom for about 6 hours and was really pissed off. That midget walked into the bathroom and there was all kinds of noise for about 2 hours. Finally that midget walked out, sat down all out of breath, looked at the bar owner and said, "Tell that damn nigger his fur coat is in the toilet." ________________________________________________________ Happy Easter!