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age difference, looking for legit thoughts

WhatAboutYou14

New Member
K so I needed an outlet to ask this question and I figured it was alright to do so. I'm 21, the girl I'm talking to (and a real whole lot haha) is 17. We are almost exactly 4 years apart.

I know technically, this would be illegal, but her and I haven't done anything yet except let each other know how we feel. I'm a little iffy about moving the relationship forward, not because i'm afraid she'll try to get me in trouble or ANYthing like that, but because I feel like a few people will think it's "weird" that there is such an age difference.

I mean, my parents are about 5 or 6 years apart so that gives me a little ease. And my lady friend isn't immature or stupid, she can make her choices. It's just a little bit of a thin-ice situation, I feel.

So what are your thoughts? Is it wrong to legitimately have feelings for a girl 4 years younger or what? I don't think it is and her and i will probably move forward either way, I just wanted to get the general consensus from a pretty decent looking forum haha. thanks!
 

oxyMORON

A Darker Knight
Here's my take on age difference:

Age matters less and less as you get older because you'll be at about the same stages in life like working and living independently.

As a personal general guideline, if the two people have different favorite childhood cartoons, meaning one hasn't seen or heard of the ones the other is talking about, then the forecast doesn't look too great. :D

In your case, I think 4 ears is too much for now. She's in high school, you're in college. She'll be in college, you'll be out probably finding work/working. She'll still be dependent on her parents, you might be able to live on your own. You two are at two different stages on your lives right now to be able to have a solid relationship. At most, you guys can probably hang out a lot, but not as much as you'd like if you were to be in a relationship.
 
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EllyDicious

made of AMBIGUITY
V.I.P.
In your case you don't have to worry about age difference. 4 years is nothing.
I don't know about the laws of your state regarding the fact that she's not an adult yet.
Anyway, you should think about how you feel rather than think about how others feel regarding this situation.
If you both like each other and aren't hurting anyone, go for it.

But you should know that in college she'll get to know other guys, she'll have a new life and things might now work the way you hoped.
 

Jeanie

still nobody's bitch
V.I.P.
I agree with Oxy. Usually 4 years is nothing, but right now for you it's huge. Unless she's a remarkable young woman, a man your age would have considerable power and influence over her, and you want to know that she's making her own decisions based on what she wants and not what she thinks you want. If you do move forward, that's something to keep in mind always.
 

Dabs

Registered Member
The people who say "Age is just a number", haven't spent some time in the slammer.
One of my son's close friends, went to jail...for several months....he was 21 at the time he was dating a girl who was 17.
Her parents filed suit against him for statutory rape...even tho the girl admitted she was willing and consented to the sex.
She got pregnant, that's how the parents became involved........
That sex thing when one is under 18 is a touchy thing......but after everyone is over age 18...I say do whatever makes you happy.
 

Millz

Better Call Saul
Staff member
V.I.P.
I have been in this situation before and I would suggest not pursuing this. My situation was a two year age difference, however, as I was a freshman in college and she was a junior in high school and I was an hour an a half away. So not as big of a difference as yours but still had people wondering what I was doing haha.

Needless to say it didn't last...maybe a couple months. With that said we didn't really get along all that well so maybe we aren't as compatible as you two might be.

Love knows no age but when you're dealing with someone who is 17 it gets a little shakier. There's nothing wrong with having feelings for her though. I just don't think NOW is the time to be together.
 

Bliss

Sally Twit
16 is the legal age here so I don't see what the big deal is. I think she's old enough to say yes or no. You're not raping her or anything.
 

Unity

Living in Ikoria
Staff member
Love knows no age but when you're dealing with someone who is 17 it gets a little shakier. There's nothing wrong with having feelings for her though. I just don't think NOW is the time to be together.
I agree with Millz on this one; My advice is just to remember issues of legality first. There's nothing wrong with having a friendship with her, but leave it at that for a while. People are right, the changes you go through mentally and emotionally between 17 and 21 can be pretty profound.
 

Millz

Better Call Saul
Staff member
V.I.P.
16 is the legal age here so I don't see what the big deal is. I think she's old enough to say yes or no. You're not raping her or anything.
But it isn't legal in the United States so he needs to be careful.

I'm just assuming he's from the USA since he said she's 17 and it isn't legal. If she's not 18 and he's in the US than it is probably isn't worth the chance.
 

Bliss

Sally Twit
Yeah but nobody needs to know. Just keep it quiet until she's legal. If she was 13 or something then that'd be completely different.
You have some crazy laws. It's not like people under that age aren't 'dating' and having sex. They should be the ones in trouble.
 
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