"Y'all got any American razor blades in here?" the Texan asked
the London pharmacist. "All I see are these damn Wilkinsons."

"Sir," the Englishman patiently replied, "Wilkinson has been
producing the finest surgical instruments, weapons and razors
since before Waterloo."

"I don't give a damn if they passed them out on Noah's Ark if
they ain't any good," the Texan retorted.

"I can assure you they are very good sir." the peeved druggist
said. "Why just last year my wife swallowed one. It gave her a
tonsillectomy, an appendectomy, a hysterectomy, circumcised the
gardener, emasculated a neighbour, cut two of a delivery boy's
fingers off at the knuckle and I still got 10 shaves out of it."

Amy and the Ladies were discussing her fight with her boyfriend.

Amy: "And then he thought I owed HIM an apology!"

Marina: "Well, did you give him one?"

Amy: "Oh, yeah. I said, "I'm sorry you're an asshole.'"