If you’ve used Facebook for any amount of time now, chances are you’ve noticed how it can turn even your good friends into horrible, horrible people. Yes, even your nicest friends can turn into unbearably annoying narcissistic people who care only about themselves (and how awesome they are). Whether you knew it already or not, most of your friends probably fall into at least one of the following categories. You probably fall into a few of these yourself. (Don’t forget to read part 2 for friends 22-42.)
21. The Internet Meme Friend
These friends aren’t hard to spot. Every single status update they make involves an Internet meme or e-card of some sort. These aren’t just the friends who occasionally post a meme, they’re the ones who create their own customized memes and post them.
20. The Groupie Friend
These friends like and comment on all of your statuses almost as fast as you can post them. If you’re not sure if you have any Groupie Friends, just post a status and see who replies instantly. Somehow, they are always there within the first 30 seconds or less.
19. The Overly Obsessed Sports Friend
These are the friends who post a new status every turn-over during any live game. If you’re recording the game, these are the friends you hate the most. If you’re not into sports and are trying to ignore the sports season, these are the friends you outright feel like blocking for half of the year.
18. The Popular Friend
This friend has more friends than Ryan Seacrest. Even their really stupid updates get more likes and comments than your entire Facebook account has ever had, and that’s all within the first few minutes of them telling the world their random thoughts.
17. The Shockingly Gullible Friend
These people are slowly but surely ruining Facebook for everbody else. Did you know that Facebook is about to charge a thousand dollars per year to use it? They do, and they’ll make sure you know it too. If you don’t have somebody who falls for these chain mail gags on your friends list, consider yourself lucky.
16. The Twitter Friend
These friends either don’t know how to use Facebook, or don’t know how to use Twitter. One thing is for sure though, they are as annoying as all get out. It’s even worse when you follow them on Twitter as well and get both updates at the same time.
15. The Constantly Negative Friend
These friends mistake Facebook for a support group as opposed to 400 or 500 so-called friends that, in reality, they hardly know. If they’re posting a status, it’s informing the world how down they are about this or that. Show these people that you care by liking their status. Yep, that won’t look awkward at all…
14. The Intellectually Superior Friend
These friends are always posting inspirational or theological quotes originally said by people much smarter than all of us. These friends might actually be intellectuals, but that’s not really what’s important here. The important thing is that you think they are intellectuals.
13. The Guilt Trip Friend
The world is full of heartless people. These people aren’t among them though. They care too much, and they’ll judge you if you don’t care too. If you don’t share their status, they’ll make you feel like not just a bad person, but an evil person. The images they want you to share are always very ugly too…
12. The Condescending Friend
This is the friend who thinks he or she is by far superior to you. Everything they say and do shows this. They are better than you in every way. They don’t care about how their comments will make people feel. They only care about themselves. They often like their own inappropriate statuses too.
11. The “I Want You To Think I’m In Amazing Shape” Friend
These friends are the ones who we all know never work out, or at least rarely work out. One thing is for sure though, they’ve never posted a single picture of them in beach attire. For a moment, you might actually think they must be in great shape underneath that sweatshirt, but you know better.
10. The “I Actually Am In Amazing Shape” Friend
Perhaps even more annoying than the “I Want You To Think I’m In Amazing Shape” friends are the ones who actually are. They won’t always post about working out as much as “I Want You To Think I’m In Amazing Shape” friend, but 9 times out of 10 they’ll still let you know how many times a day they are doing P90X or whatever other workout program is all the rage at the time. Additionally, every picture of them is shirtless (guys) or semi-shirtless (ladies). They could be going out to eat at a nice restaurant and they’d still manage to find a way to show you their lats in the picture.
9. The “My Life Is Better Than Yours” Friend
We all have at least a few of these people on our friend list. All they ever have to say is how great their life is. They won’t just say it’s great though. They’ll throw a little humble pie into the mix so it doesn’t look like they are bragging. Even so, literally every status update they post is better than your entire life has been so far.
8. The Ridiculously Photogenic Friend
This friend manages to look like a model in every picture they post on Facebook. Their hair is perfect. Their teeth are perfect. Their skin is perfect. They are everything you wish you were and so much more. They are the coolest people in the world. They don’t even have to status about it. Their multiple new profile pictures per day say a thousand words.
7. TheImReallyTwoPeople Friend
There are few things more annoying in life than the Hollywood celebrity super couple concept. Brangelina, TomKat, etc. One of the things that actually is more annoying is when average, regular, every-day people think they are cool enough to pull this off. Do they share the same tooth brush too? The worst part is that their user names never work with Facebook’s name guidelines, so they’re always leaving out spaces and forcing their names together. Please people. One Facebook account per person.
6. The “I’m A Celebrity” Friend
This friend knows all the cool lingo and makes sure every status update of theirs has a hip-hop bent to it. In the more annoying cases of this, they actually hang with celebrities and make sure to play that fact up in all of their statuses.
5. The World Traveler Friend
Everybody knows somebody with a travel bug. These people seem to be on constant vacation mode. They even take vacations from their vacations. You always know where these friends are because they post play-by-play updates on their journeys, often times down to the wonderful feeling of the sand between their toes.
4. The “I Have a Better Social Life Than You” Friend
This friend lets you know how awesome their social life is and doesn’t let you forget it. Every few days, and sometimes even multiple times per day, they’ll post about something amazing that they did. Then they’ll downplay it a bit so you don’t feel too bad. Either that or they actually want you to somehow find it in your heart to feel bad for them. This friend can sometimes be one-in-the-same with “I’m Much Richer Than You” friend.
3. The “I’m Much Richer Than You” Friend
This friend is loaded and they want the whole world to know it. They won’t quite say “I’m much richer than you”, but they’ll drop little hints from time to time.
2. The “Everything I Eat Or Drink Is Epic” Friend
Seriously, these friends are convinced that absolutely everything they eat or drink is epic. You can scroll through their entire Facebook timeline day-by-day to confirm this fact.
1. The “Get A Room” Friend
These are easily the most annoying friends you can have on Facebook, especially if you’re single. They aren’t hard to find. Look for your friends who are in relationships. If you’re not sure if one of your friends is dating somebody, then they most likely aren’t in this category. If you and the whole world knows how much in love they are, then you might have some “Get A Room” friends. They are always posting intimate and romantic messages on each other’s public timelines and they usually have their privacy settings set to either global or friends of friends. They also usually have very “clingy” profile pictures of themselves as a couple.
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If you didn’t make it halfway through this list without getting confused and thinking that you were actually on Facebook looking at your own friend’s status updates, perhaps it’s time to delete some friends. If you found that you fall into several of these categories, perhaps it’s time to take a good hard look in the mirror (and then pull out your cell phone, snap a duck face photo, and save it as your new profile picture).
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